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Meeting a (very) insecure girl from online.


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#1 Matthew Lombardi 18

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Posted 30 August 2012 - 09:55 PM

I've recently met a very insecure girl online (but in the area). It's been a week and two days and much progress has been made.

We've had text messages and telephone/cell phone calls. I have not seen her picture yet. We've managed to talk about A LOT of personal stuff about each other (aside from names, school and places of work) and we have A LOT of similar goals/interests/experiences. It almost seems like it is meant to be. This whole week, I've been talking to her for hours and hours, non-stop. The interest between us, I believe, is genuinely mutual. Yet, she is so insecure about herself. Everytime I come back home, she is almost always the first person to write me long messages about how she feels about meeting/knowing me (and it's all positive)

She has openly admitted that she "really really really" likes me (and more, which could be scary for guys!) but won't meet me until couple of months from now.

She admits that she is physically ugly (her words) and wants to "be ready for me" later on, and she's afraid she's not good enough for me. I am not a superficial person and I have told her that. I guess she doesn't trust me. But she admits that I am the first person that she has thoroughly trusted and cared for, but is afraid that I'll turn away from her - due to her ugliness.

She also asked me about what types of girls I'm interested in, hair styles..bust size, etc. I told her that natural is best and that a woman shouldn't have to do all this for a guy because the guy isn't worth it, if that's the case. Anyhow, she insists that she's doing it so that I don't have to "settle". It's really obvious that she has self-esteem issues, despite the fact that I told her that I'm not like that. I've (crazily) made some future plans about doing something with her one day and she is extremely happy about them. She trusts me and she's told me some emotional things about herself.

She has (in her words) made lifestyle changes, turning a bit more girly now, which is a new adjustment for her - but I never ever told her to change herself. She did it by herself.

She wants to give me her picture as a birthday present. I gave my picture to her just yesterday.

She has encouraged that I go find someone else (if I can't wait for her).

The problem is... I want to meet her - but she doesn't want to meet me, despite her words (verbally + text) that she really wants to. She says she's deeply afraid of rejection.

What should I do? I do (think) that I care about her and I don't want to ditch her. At the same time, flirting online is not enough for me. I want to have lunch/dinner with her and/or do something fun with her. She's a nice person but has a very low self-esteem.

Sigh.

I wish I could get her to trust me - then I can prove that I won't break her heart.

Stay friends with her and find another girl? or just try to work through it? I'm a 'project' boyfriend myself but she is an even bigger 'project' girlfriend.

I want to be there for her but I'm not sure if I should do that as a close friend or as a boyfriend. Help please.
  • 2

So we are officially in a bit of a silly season, and in general I stay away from the completely crazy rumors that persist on the internet, or in the case of the Leafs having interest in Nabokov or Turco I will occasionally debunk them...however, I have been getting inundated with emails, PMs, and questions on twitter regarding a few rumors that are out there...so here goes.. I will address the rumors and follow with what I have or haven't heard...If you all like this format, maybe Wacky Wednesdays could be a regular feature. I wouldn't do it more than once a week, because I am too busy talking to actual sources and attempting to provide you all with as much unique information as possible.


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#2 Xbox

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Posted 30 August 2012 - 09:57 PM

A lot of girls think they are ugly. Even when they are not. If you feel connected to the person, then all should be fine man. Im sure once you meet, she will trust you! Maybe she got hurt by another guy really bad and hasn't fully recovered yet
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#3 Canuckian93

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Posted 30 August 2012 - 10:00 PM

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Awww that's so sweet I hope u guys hook up and date
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#4 Standing_Tall#37

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Posted 30 August 2012 - 10:00 PM

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I think she has a "surprise" for you, below the waist if you know what I mean ;)
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#5 King Heffy

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Posted 30 August 2012 - 10:00 PM

She'll make you into an even bigger project by the time you're done.
don't waste your time because you may not even ever meet her. If you do you might not like her.
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#6 Lillooet_Hillbilly

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Posted 30 August 2012 - 10:01 PM

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if she's insecure she will love it if she ever finds out you have a thread about her on CDC.
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#7 Canucks_fo_life

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Posted 30 August 2012 - 10:05 PM

Hmmm...

This is a tough one, especially if when you meet her you're not attracted to her, and that would break her heart.

I

Edited by Canucks_fo_life, 30 August 2012 - 10:09 PM.

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#8 Bilbro Baggins

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Posted 30 August 2012 - 10:06 PM

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Anyone wanna bet on her weight?
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#9 Xbox

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Posted 30 August 2012 - 10:07 PM

Do you know for sure its a "girl"?


I see what you did there ;)
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#10 GodzillaDeuce

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Posted 30 August 2012 - 10:08 PM

I don't really get it. What kind of help are you expecting here? Are you hoping some CDCer is going to somehow magically force her to meet you?

or are you just expecting some mental kung fu tips that you can use to trick her into meeting you?
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well I'm sorry that gd is soo perfect


#11 Rounoush

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Posted 30 August 2012 - 10:09 PM

She is simply preparing herself for your rejection. I suffer from low self esteem as well, so I do this sometimes as well (I'm a guy btw). If you truly feel you won't reject her, then by all means be there for her. She would really appreciate that even if she doesn't say so. Just my 2 cents.
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#12 Matthew Lombardi 18

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Posted 30 August 2012 - 10:10 PM

A lot of girls think they are ugly. Even when they are not. If you feel connected to the person, then all should be fine man. Im sure once you meet, she will trust you! Maybe she got hurt by another guy really bad and hasn't fully recovered yet


She just has a really low self-esteem, which she has more or less pointed out herself.

I think she has a "surprise" for you, below the waist if you know what I mean ;)


O.O

if she's insecure she will love it if she ever finds out you have a thread about her on CDC.


I know right?

(Nah, she's not into TV sports, i think)

Hmmm...


No I'm not really sure if "she" is really a girl. Her voice is not masculine though, although a little deeper though......
  • 0

So we are officially in a bit of a silly season, and in general I stay away from the completely crazy rumors that persist on the internet, or in the case of the Leafs having interest in Nabokov or Turco I will occasionally debunk them...however, I have been getting inundated with emails, PMs, and questions on twitter regarding a few rumors that are out there...so here goes.. I will address the rumors and follow with what I have or haven't heard...If you all like this format, maybe Wacky Wednesdays could be a regular feature. I wouldn't do it more than once a week, because I am too busy talking to actual sources and attempting to provide you all with as much unique information as possible.


Too busy talking to actual sources? lolwut

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#13 Grape

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Posted 30 August 2012 - 10:11 PM

Good luck
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#14 250Integra

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Posted 30 August 2012 - 10:12 PM

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Once you see her..


"Hello, I'm Chris Hansen from dateline NBC"
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#15 diesel_3

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Posted 30 August 2012 - 10:13 PM

Once you see her..


"Hello, I'm Chris Hansen from dateline NBC"


Ah, man...that's ruined my saturday night on more than one occasion. I MEAN!


This thread is giving me memories of the old 'Online Dating Horror Stories' thread from a few months ago.

Edited by diesel_3, 30 August 2012 - 10:13 PM.

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#16 Matthew Lombardi 18

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Posted 30 August 2012 - 10:15 PM

Anyone wanna bet on her weight?


From what I hear from her, she has done lots of sports in high school, so I don't expect her to be 180 lbs. She's alluded to other things too and based on her conversation, I really really will not expect her to be a "BBW".

I don't really get it. What kind of help are you expecting here? Are you hoping some CDCer is going to somehow magically force her to meet you?

or are you just expecting some mental kung fu tips that you can use to trick her into meeting you?


I'm at an impasse. I don't know what to do. I'm just a bit disappointed that her actions don't reflect her words. :/

She is simply preparing herself for your rejection. I suffer from low self esteem as well, so I do this sometimes as well (I'm a guy btw). If you truly feel you won't reject her, then by all means be there for her. She would really appreciate that even if she doesn't say so. Just my 2 cents.


She's been upfront with her flaws and I honestly don't mind (I'm not perfect myself so I gave her reason not to put me up on a pedestal).

It's actually the underlying issue of her insecurity that bothers me right now, not the perceived issues that she's mentioning.

Flirting online is fun and all but I want to see and know the person that I'm interested in, you know?
  • 0

So we are officially in a bit of a silly season, and in general I stay away from the completely crazy rumors that persist on the internet, or in the case of the Leafs having interest in Nabokov or Turco I will occasionally debunk them...however, I have been getting inundated with emails, PMs, and questions on twitter regarding a few rumors that are out there...so here goes.. I will address the rumors and follow with what I have or haven't heard...If you all like this format, maybe Wacky Wednesdays could be a regular feature. I wouldn't do it more than once a week, because I am too busy talking to actual sources and attempting to provide you all with as much unique information as possible.


Too busy talking to actual sources? lolwut

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#17 Grapefruits

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Posted 30 August 2012 - 10:16 PM

She has a tail...
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#18 diesel_3

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Posted 30 August 2012 - 10:19 PM

From what I hear from her, she has done lots of sports in high school, so I don't expect her to be 180 lbs. She's alluded to other things too and based on her conversation, I really really will not expect her to be a "BBW".



I'm at an impasse. I don't know what to do. I'm just a bit disappointed that her actions don't reflect her words. :/



She's been upfront with her flaws and I honestly don't mind (I'm not perfect myself so I gave her reason not to put me up on a pedestal).

It's actually the underlying issue of her insecurity that bothers me right now, not the perceived issues that she's mentioning.

Flirting online is fun and all but I want to see and know the person that I'm interested in, you know?


Some female rugby players can get pretty big. What sports did she play?

It just sounds like she was a bit of a tom boy who wasn't one of the highly sought after girls in her high school possibly making herself seem more insecure than she needs to be?
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#19 Honeydews

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Posted 30 August 2012 - 10:19 PM

:blink:
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#20 Matthew Lombardi 18

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Posted 30 August 2012 - 10:21 PM

Some female rugby players can get pretty big. What sports did she play?

It just sounds like she was a bit of a tom boy who wasn't one of the highly sought after girls in her high school possibly making herself seem more insecure than she needs to be?


She played several different sports like basketball, badminton and the like. I don't expect her to be big, at all.

That's exactly what she is/was.
  • 0

So we are officially in a bit of a silly season, and in general I stay away from the completely crazy rumors that persist on the internet, or in the case of the Leafs having interest in Nabokov or Turco I will occasionally debunk them...however, I have been getting inundated with emails, PMs, and questions on twitter regarding a few rumors that are out there...so here goes.. I will address the rumors and follow with what I have or haven't heard...If you all like this format, maybe Wacky Wednesdays could be a regular feature. I wouldn't do it more than once a week, because I am too busy talking to actual sources and attempting to provide you all with as much unique information as possible.


Too busy talking to actual sources? lolwut

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#21 TOMapleLaughs

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Posted 30 August 2012 - 10:25 PM

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Better no pic than fake pic, imo. But not much. ie. Yes, you're not lying about your appearance, but you're also wasting my time.

This girl sounds like she has issues to work out for herself before she can be truly loved. Really insecure people can be a real nightmare until they finally break out of their shell. If i were you i'd keep her on the sidelines until she gives you a picture at least. That's a good indication that she might be on the verge of a breakthrough.

If she really is 'the one' then why rush it, right? It's a gamble to wait on someone that long though. It always is. That's why you play the field regardless at this point.

btw. The longer this procedure trails on, the more her heart will be broken if you call it off first.

Hey i bet this doesn't help a bit and if my wife saw this she'd kill me, but communication is a two-way street. She has your picture, but you don't have hers? wtf? SEE ya!
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#22 Canuckerbird

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Posted 30 August 2012 - 10:29 PM

In my experience, girls with low self esteem generally end up with Arrested Development.
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#23 Matthew Lombardi 18

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Posted 30 August 2012 - 10:29 PM

Better no pic than fake pic, imo. But not much. ie. Yes, you're not lying about your appearance, but you're also wasting my time.

This girl sounds like she has issues to work out for herself before she can be truly loved. Really insecure people can be a real nightmare until they finally break out of their shell. If i were you i'd keep her on the sidelines until she gives you a picture at least. That's a good indication that she might be on the verge of a breakthrough.

If she really is 'the one' then why rush it, right? It's a gamble to wait on someone that long though. It always is. That's why you play the field regardless at this point.

btw. The longer this procedure trails on, the more her heart will be broken if you call it off first.

Hey i bet this doesn't help a bit and if my wife saw this she'd kill me, but communication is a two-way street. She has your picture, but you don't have hers? wtf? SEE ya!


I actually do appreciate this response. It's substantially more valuable than most of the other responses (except for some select few individuals, i.e. Diesel 1, etc. So thank you for writing this post. It IS helpful.

I guess I have to keep her on the side, if I were to consider my own options, but then again, that could be cruel. And you're absolutely right. The longer this goes on, this will only hurt her more in the end. Sigh.

That's the thing... I don't know if I can just drag on for a couple of months not knowing what she looks like. At the same time, I don't want to force a picture of her just because.

Edited by Matthew Lombardi 18, 30 August 2012 - 10:31 PM.

  • 0

So we are officially in a bit of a silly season, and in general I stay away from the completely crazy rumors that persist on the internet, or in the case of the Leafs having interest in Nabokov or Turco I will occasionally debunk them...however, I have been getting inundated with emails, PMs, and questions on twitter regarding a few rumors that are out there...so here goes.. I will address the rumors and follow with what I have or haven't heard...If you all like this format, maybe Wacky Wednesdays could be a regular feature. I wouldn't do it more than once a week, because I am too busy talking to actual sources and attempting to provide you all with as much unique information as possible.


Too busy talking to actual sources? lolwut

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#24 TOMapleLaughs

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Posted 30 August 2012 - 10:31 PM

My favorite self-description from online dating...

"You should know that i have brain cancer and use a cane."


Fuuuuuu... So this definitely won't be long term then. And we can watch House together. (actually this was well before House, and i sure as frack didn't say that)
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#25 Opmac

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Posted 30 August 2012 - 10:34 PM

Find out where she works, goes to school, or shop and just stalk her? I don't know?
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#26 Matthew Lombardi 18

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Posted 30 August 2012 - 10:36 PM

Find out where she works, goes to school, or shop and just stalk her? I don't know?


I actually can answer almost all of those, aside from shop, but I don't want to be a creeper. Heh.
  • 0

So we are officially in a bit of a silly season, and in general I stay away from the completely crazy rumors that persist on the internet, or in the case of the Leafs having interest in Nabokov or Turco I will occasionally debunk them...however, I have been getting inundated with emails, PMs, and questions on twitter regarding a few rumors that are out there...so here goes.. I will address the rumors and follow with what I have or haven't heard...If you all like this format, maybe Wacky Wednesdays could be a regular feature. I wouldn't do it more than once a week, because I am too busy talking to actual sources and attempting to provide you all with as much unique information as possible.


Too busy talking to actual sources? lolwut

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#27 Sharpshooter

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Posted 30 August 2012 - 10:37 PM


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#28 Garrison

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Posted 30 August 2012 - 10:38 PM

I actually can answer almost all of those, aside from shop, but I don't want to be a creeper. Heh.


To late for that.
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#29 Rhinogator

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Posted 30 August 2012 - 10:38 PM

find her facebook. use any means necessary.
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#30 GodzillaDeuce

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Posted 30 August 2012 - 10:38 PM

In my experience, girls with low self esteem generally end up with Arrested Development.


boom

thread's downhill from here
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well I'm sorry that gd is soo perfect





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