Dazzle Posted March 19, 2019 Share Posted March 19, 2019 "An examination of non-Caucasian women would uncover their respective movements for equality, which would highlight their contributions and the significant changes to society in correcting the wrongs, while underscoring the remaining challenges that all women still face." Can this be improved? Please be as helpful as possible. Thank you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
diesel_3 Posted March 19, 2019 Share Posted March 19, 2019 I wish I could! But an essay help thread is a great idea....currently writing one for Crim and Philosophy and struggling hard out of the gates. Good luck, Dazzle! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JM_ Posted March 19, 2019 Share Posted March 19, 2019 8 hours ago, Dazzle said: "An examination of non-Caucasian women would uncover their respective movements for equality, which would highlight their contributions and the significant changes to society in correcting the wrongs, while underscoring the remaining challenges that all women still face." Can this be improved? Please be as helpful as possible. Thank you! "An examination of non-Caucasian women's movements for equality would highlight their contributions and their significant changes to society in correcting the wrongs while underscoring the remaining challenges that all women still face." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xbox Posted March 19, 2019 Share Posted March 19, 2019 8 minutes ago, Jimmy McGill said: Great, now when OP uses that make sure to edit it out so he doesn't be caught by a plagiarism detector! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tortorella's Rant Posted March 19, 2019 Share Posted March 19, 2019 An examination of minority women and their challenges and contributions to society. #lessismore Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JM_ Posted March 19, 2019 Share Posted March 19, 2019 21 minutes ago, Xbox said: Great, now when OP uses that make sure to edit it out so he doesn't be caught by a plagiarism detector! it can use a bit more work but it just needs a little slimming Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Odd. Posted March 19, 2019 Share Posted March 19, 2019 you should probably delete this thread in a bit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dm_ranger Posted March 19, 2019 Share Posted March 19, 2019 It's not plagiarism if the original idea is the author's, who is simply asking for editing. Otherwise no author could use an editor. Jimmy McGill's suggested edit is an upgrade. I'm suggesting a few minor edits to his. 2 hours ago, Jimmy McGill said: "An examination of non-Caucasian women's movements for equality would highlights both their contributions and their significant changes to society in correcting the wrongs while underscoring the remaining challenges that all women still face." In my experience (high school history teacher) a great thesis is the one sentence that says everything you want it to and wish you could stop after writing it. The rest of the paper is just expanding on it. My suggestion was only to bring it to a more active voice. Note -- I am assuming the rest of the paper is going to show these things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dazzle Posted March 19, 2019 Author Share Posted March 19, 2019 2 hours ago, Tortorella's Rant said: An examination of minority women and their challenges and contributions to society. #lessismore That looks like a description rather than a thesis. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dazzle Posted March 19, 2019 Author Share Posted March 19, 2019 2 hours ago, Jimmy McGill said: "An examination of non-Caucasian women's movements for equality would highlight their contributions and their significant changes to society in correcting the wrongs while underscoring the remaining challenges that all women still face." 33 minutes ago, dm_ranger said: It's not plagiarism if the original idea is the author's, who is simply asking for editing. Otherwise no author could use an editor. Jimmy McGill's suggested edit is an upgrade. I'm suggesting a few minor edits to his. In my experience (high school history teacher) a great thesis is the one sentence that says everything you want it to and wish you could stop after writing it. The rest of the paper is just expanding on it. My suggestion was only to bring it to a more active voice. Note -- I am assuming the rest of the paper is going to show these things. Thanks for all the help people have given me in this thread - and thank you dm_ranger for the suggestion of active voice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shift-4 Posted March 19, 2019 Share Posted March 19, 2019 "All chicks are nuts, no matter heritage." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
otherwise Posted March 19, 2019 Share Posted March 19, 2019 14 hours ago, Dazzle said: "An examination of non-Caucasian women would uncover their respective movements for equality, which would highlighting their contributions and to the significant changes to in correcting societal wrongs, and while underscoring the remaining challenges that all women still face." Can this be improved? Please be as helpful as possible. Thank you! As people have posted above, try to be more concise. Also less doubt-y language. Not sure this is the best... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MystifyNCrucify Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 “Toxic femininity and why its ignored” ”why society demonizes masculinity “ ”why white males are the scapegoats of society” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
189lb enforcers? Posted March 21, 2019 Share Posted March 21, 2019 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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