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Twilight Sparkle

By Twilight Sparkle
in White Noise

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thejazz97 Canucks All-Star

thejazz97

Posted
Posted
On December 7, 2015 at 11:22 PM, Lil B From The Pack said:

I dropped Robin Lopez on my fantasy basketball team. He was bad.

I haven't even checked my fantasy basketball team since a week after the draft. I just left Curry in a starting spot and whoever else was pretty dece.

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AppleJack Canucks Second-Line

AppleJack

Posted
Posted
On December 12, 2015 at 6:59 PM, nzan said:

How are you doing these days AppleJack?

Health wise I guess I am okay. Developed anxiety and post partum depression which is hard to deal with especially right now with christmas and everything. I also have family members who are pregnant and seeing them is hard but I am getting by.
I am getting the help I need to get better. Thanks everyone for their kind words and for supporting both TS and I in this difficult time. 

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babych Canucks Rookie

babych

Posted
Posted

For AppleJack and TS:

A Dream Within A Dream - Poem by Edgar Allan Poe

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow-
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand-
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep- while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?

  • Upvote 1
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babych Canucks Rookie

babych

Posted
Posted

And also,

 

Hope Is The Thing With Feathers - Poem by Emily Dickinson

 

'Hope' is the thing with feathers—
That perches in the soul—
And sings the tune without the words—
And never stops—at all—

And sweetest—in the Gale—is heard—
And sore must be the storm—
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm—

I've heard it in the chillest land—
And on the strangest Sea—
Yet, never, in Extremity,
It asked a crumb—of Me.

 

Much love to the both of you,

babych

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Alflives Canucks Hall-of-Famer

Alflives

Posted
Posted
22 hours ago, AppleJack said:

Health wise I guess I am okay. Developed anxiety and post partum depression which is hard to deal with especially right now with christmas and everything. I also have family members who are pregnant and seeing them is hard but I am getting by.
I am getting the help I need to get better. Thanks everyone for their kind words and for supporting both TS and I in this difficult time. 

Love thyself, for He is with you always.

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Alflives Canucks Hall-of-Famer

Alflives

Posted
Posted
2 minutes ago, thejazz97 said:

Depends what the person's into wearing

in this modern world to each his or her own.  I just hope the person with the exquisite lips is not packing what I am.:)

i must admit, though, if Mrs. Alf was not a size four I might try some of her silkier undies.:lol:

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AppleJack Canucks Second-Line

AppleJack

Posted
Posted (edited)

I feel like I am going crazy and I am scared that the doctors will realize this and throw me in the psych ward and throw away the key. i know this isn't going to happen. I am not a danger to myself or other people but I swear I am slowly losing my mind.

I am freaking out over every little thing, like seriously, every little damn thing. I been going into the ER on average once a week because I am so freaked out about my health. At first it was because I thought the blood clots would return, my chest is still really bugging me and its super scary.  I have also been getting horrible sinus headaches and they don't seem to be getting better. I am prone to sinus infections and so I been kind of ignoring them but now the headache is really strong... and I am starting to get really worried. Earlier today I was washing out the cupboard under the sink because we knocked down a container that had pop and beer cans in it and I of course bumped the top of my head. It wasn't very hard. I don't have bump/lump/whatever or anything. I didn't get dizzy or anything, but now my headache is even worse..and I am in full panic mode. I keep staring at my phone wanting to go get help but knowing logically its just a headache...but then my brain goes into over-drive  and I keep remembering the doctors warnings to go get checked out by a doctor if you hit your head. That its dangerous being on the drug i am on and suddenly in my mind everything is so much worse then a more intense sinus headache. Like if I don't go to the hospital this instant I'll get a blood clot in my brain and die kind of worse... Obviously this won't happen and I am just being ...well...crazy.

I have an appointment to see my doctor tomorrow  and will mention it to him...and see if they have any results in from the blood work I just had done. I got tested for all sorts of nasty autoimmune disorders, including Lupus, I don't have any symptoms, so I don't really think I have that but its still something scary to be tested for....and I admit to using Dr.google... Doctor google makes EVERYTHING way worse. I also need to talk to my doctor because I am getting strange hives, and only Bendryl will make them go away. Its obviously some kind of allergic reaction. We think its either laundry detergent or one of my medications, So now I am terrified to take my medication because the next time I react it might be way worse. my throat might swell up and I won't be able to breathe,...and so I don't take my medicine. I sit around in horrible pain using a heating pad for relief because a heating pad can't cause an allergic reaction...

I have ativan to help me calm down when the anxiety gets really bad but I am trying to 'save' it for Christmas because I won't be able to see the Councillor for two weeks and I am not allowed to go home to Campbell River. They say that I won't develop another clot because I am on Warfarin but that its to risky after having clots to travel such a long distance. So I won't be able to see my family for Christmas. This is very distressing to me because I am super close to my mom and step dad and it just won't feel like Christmas without being with them. I am also having a very hard time because everything reminds me of our baby, everything about this time of year is centered so much around children (like it should be) and its just a painful reminder of what I don't have. I can't handle it right now.

 

 

 

Edited by AppleJack
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AppleJack Canucks Second-Line

AppleJack

Posted
Posted (edited)
22 minutes ago, gurn said:

Talk to your doctor about Panic attacks and Anxiety Disorder, most  cases are treatable, and all cases manageable.

Hang in AppleJack it does get better.

Thank you. I just want to feel normal again. I actually posted tonight so I could read it back and make myself realize that nothing was wrong and I was giving into the panic. I just told one of my friends that I feel like Alice in Wonderland chasing some mystery rabbit (panic), like I am stuck behind a looking glass, looking at my old normal life. 

I was diagnosed with Anxiety Disorder and Postpartum depression a few weeks ago. Both my doctor and my Psychiatrist want me to try and work through it and if that doesn't work they will give me a daily anti-depressant. I am already on so much drugs because of the blood clots and Mastitis infection (I just can't get rid off) that we want to not put me on a daily medication unless its absolutely 100% necessary. I have started to color and that seems to calm me down for the most part but it seems that the closer that we get to Christmas the worse the attacks are getting. So the Anxiety tool kit the Councillor gave me to use aren't working as well as they were before and I am finding I am needing to use the Ativan more. This in itself is causing me panic because I know I am going to need it to get through Christmas and New Years and I am starting to run out. So I don't take them and something small turns into something big and I get stuck in the panic.

The fact I actually went to this tread and wrote all this out instead of calling 911 for the billionth time in the last two months is actually a big improvement.

Edited by AppleJack
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Gurn Canucks Hall-of-Famer

Gurn

Posted
Posted (edited)

 I'm sure your doctor has pointed out that your symptoms are not unique, many moms go through the emotional blender you are experiencing, some to a greater or lesser degree. With the proper medical and family support as well as friends you WILL BE fine.

 

I edited this post because somebody else on the forum, that cares about you, pointed out a mistake I made. I am sorry for your loss.

I am the only child, of six attempts, to have made it beyond 2 weeks of life. It was extremely hard on my folks, but with help they made it through the darkness and without their persistence I would not be here. Family and true friends will help you through this.

Edited by gurn
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