confessions

[Jiggs50]

Serious, and sensitive, but I feel like if I didn't put this out somewhere, it would eat at me from the inside even more than it already is. I apologize for the choppy writing style, as you can imagine, it's not going to be easy to get my thoughts out.

I lost the love of my life. No, not death or anything, but it's over. She left me. I was so focused and locked in on trying to get to point B where we could be stable in regards to money, a place to live together, etc, that I ended up pushing her away and making her fall out of love with me. Yes, she said she wasn't in love with me anymore. Point B was/is only 6 months away. I don't know if I'll make it there now. She is honestly the most amazing girl I know. I never once fell out of love with her. We had plans for us, we had talked about marriage and kids and what kind of area to live in and we wanted the same things.

I don't know what to do. We had a long talk at the end of August about what was going on, an honest, communicative talk that lasted hours with a lot of tears shed. We figured out what needed to be worked on and what needed to be changed. The subsequent 3 weeks felt like our earlier selves again, we were happy, enjoying each other's company and it didn't feel like work. One of her biggest reasons was that she said our relationship became like work and everything had to be fought for, when it wasn't like that before. I thought things were going great, but she left. Her best friend and her husband live elsewhere in the province, and she went there.

She said she needed time to think and evaluate and figure out how she can be happy first and foremost before focusing on us. She said she didn't want to talk every day all day like we did here, because then she's not getting her space. I 100% respected that fact, and gave her her space. I didn't want to, because I knew the less communication we had, the less likely it was she would start to get her feelings back. I knew that barely talking would undo all the progress we made in September. I was right.

2 weeks into her being gone, I got the message that it was over. She said those weeks in September were fun, but that she didn't feel like she was in love with me and that she knew it wouldn't change. She said maybe can be friends again one day.

I'm a mess, and this was a huge blindside. Of course I didn't expect her feelings to come back in 2 weeks, I knew that this would be a process to get back to how we were after we finally realized what needed to be changed. I didn't have a good feeling about us not talking while she's been gone, but I didn't think those weeks before she left would result in this. I was blindly optimistic that in a few weeks, or a month she would come back. I don't know what to do. She said she didn't know if she was coming back soon or not. I don't know if one day she's going to maybe (and this is wishful thinking) realize that she did love me and that not talking for the first time in over 4 years made her realize that. What is sending me into depression is the thought of what if she never does realize that, and this truly is over for good; the girl I thought I'd share my life with, have my children with, and have a home with was gone forever. I can't stand the thought of starting over, and I don't want to start over.

If you have nothing but insulting things to say, I'd ask you not to, but seeing that this is CDC I won't take it personally if there are remarks made. I just needed to get thoughts out, and I'd rather not have done it all over Facebook.

Any advice, or even just talking to someone, would be appreciated. It's a lot better, in my opinion, to talk to strangers than to get the recycled, biased, "You can do better" from friends and family.

So sorry to hear that buddy. Heartbreak is one of suckiest feelings ever. Time is the only remedy.

Your just going to have to tough it out. I remember not leaving my bedroom for some weeks after a nasty breakup. The gym was my best friend for a while after that. I came out of that relationship stronger mentally and physically.

I hope you find your way man. Oh and yes even I will be hoping that the Pats drop 50 on Indy for you!

[NucksPatsFan]

I would not message her if I was you. It's tempting to though but I'd say it will do more harm than good.

Maybe like Cerr said, write them out on paper just as a way to get it off your chest. I kept a journal and jotted my thoughts down when I started feeling down about it all. Later down the road I read them and was able to objectively look at them and thought "wow, what an idiot I was, feeling like that about someone who doesn't care about me". If you choose to do that I have no doubt that if you ever get back to reading them you'll have the same thoughts.

And like Mustapha said, live for yourself and try to make yourself happy. Good things/people will come.

As far as not being able to focus on things, the only thing that really relieves that is time. It slowly gets less intense and happens less frequently until it goes away. All you can really do is just try to keep yourself busy until it "runs it's course", for lack of a better phrase.

One more thing. Don't underestimate the power of exercise, whether it's weight training, cardio or both, sports etc. That helped me A LOT. It helps the coping process with stress and as an added bonus,by the time the page turns in your life you'll be in good shape and have a lot of confidence back when you do start dating or meet someone you're interested in!

So sorry to hear that buddy. Heartbreak is one of suckiest feelings ever. Time is the only remedy.

Your just going to have to tough it out. I remember not leaving my bedroom for some weeks after a nasty breakup. The gym was my best friend for a while after that. I came out of that relationship stronger mentally and physically.

I hope you find your way man. Oh and yes even I will be hoping that the Pats drop 50 on Indy for you!

The gym right now just isn't working, which is weird because I'm typically a gym rat and train 3-5x a week. I went to squat, and my body just didn't want to. I wasn't in the right mindset, I could barely do 1 rep of 135 which is typically my warm up weight prior to working out. I was so out of it mentally that I guess my body either didn't feel comfortable lifting weight, or it just didn't want to. I unwillingly pushed myself through 30 minutes on the elliptical because sportscenter was on the tv.

Blind optimism is such a cruel defense mechanism by the mind. I had a 45 minute drive today and the only way to focus on the highway was to think positive and hope that maybe time apart with no contact leads her to realize she misses me. I know this is the last thing I should be thinking about, but my mind takes any route it can to ease the pain. It doesn't help that some of my closest friends who are in long lasting, stable relationships all at one point broke up with the person they were with and got back together later.

It's so strange to hear, through a quick google search, of other people from years ago having gone through the exact same thing including time together, the reason for the break up, and in some cases the girl even leaving to get away for a while like in my case.

http://www.relationshiptalk.net/girlfriend-of-4-years-left-because-she-doesnt-feel-the-same-way-anymore-27316331.html

I wish I could find out how the guy in this post is doing now. I believe he posted this in 2011/2012. If you read his initial post, you can quickly conclude he handled it right off the bat in a lot more mature way than I did and/or want to. I don't know if he was lying in his post, or if he genuinely was able to handle it that well.

And then there's this guy who is more recent: http://www.relationshiptalk.net/im-in-a-panic.-ive-been-with-this-girl-for-what-will-have-been-3-years-in...-652444.html

But like everyone's said, it's a process. I slept better last night than I did the night before. I wake up not feeling tired, but want to keep on sleeping. When I finally do get out and am around other people (strangers), for example sitting on my laptop typing this in a busy Starbucks, I feel stable. I don't feel as stable around friends right now, maybe it's because I know these kind strangers who have smiled at me, told me to have a good day, etc. don't know what I'm currently going through and therefore aren't being kind only to make me feel better, whereas with friends I know what they're all thinking.

[riffraff]

The gym right now just isn't working, which is weird because I'm typically a gym rat and train 3-5x a week. I went to squat, and my body just didn't want to. I wasn't in the right mindset, I could barely do 1 rep of 135 which is typically my warm up weight prior to working out. I was so out of it mentally that I guess my body either didn't feel comfortable lifting weight, or it just didn't want to. I unwillingly pushed myself through 30 minutes on the elliptical because sportscenter was on the tv.

Blind optimism is such a cruel defense mechanism by the mind. I had a 45 minute drive today and the only way to focus on the highway was to think positive and hope that maybe time apart with no contact leads her to realize she misses me. I know this is the last thing I should be thinking about, but my mind takes any route it can to ease the pain. It doesn't help that some of my closest friends who are in long lasting, stable relationships all at one point broke up with the person they were with and got back together later.

It's so strange to hear, through a quick google search, of other people from years ago having gone through the exact same thing including time together, the reason for the break up, and in some cases the girl even leaving to get away for a while like in my case.

http://www.relationshiptalk.net/girlfriend-of-4-years-left-because-she-doesnt-feel-the-same-way-anymore-27316331.html

I wish I could find out how the guy in this post is doing now. I believe he posted this in 2011/2012. If you read his initial post, you can quickly conclude he handled it right off the bat in a lot more mature way than I did and/or want to. I don't know if he was lying in his post, or if he genuinely was able to handle it that well.

And then there's this guy who is more recent: http://www.relationshiptalk.net/im-in-a-panic.-ive-been-with-this-girl-for-what-will-have-been-3-years-in...-652444.html

But like everyone's said, it's a process. I slept better last night than I did the night before. I wake up not feeling tired, but want to keep on sleeping. When I finally do get out and am around other people (strangers), for example sitting on my laptop typing this in a busy Starbucks, I feel stable. I don't feel as stable around friends right now, maybe it's because I know these kind strangers who have smiled at me, told me to have a good day, etc. don't know what I'm currently going through and therefore aren't being kind only to make me feel better, whereas with friends I know what they're all thinking.

You know what dude?

Your life is about to get way better.

Quote me.

[NucksPatsFan]

You know what dude?

Your life is about to get way better.

Quote me.

I hope so man. Half of me is coping by thinking she just needs time to herself to find happiness in herself and in her life on her own and down the road she'll maybe miss having me in her life, half of me is trying to adjust to never having her in my life again and coming to the realization she will never miss me.

It's a tug-o-war: I'll see she hasn't deleted any of our pictures or untagged me on Facebook or Instagram and I'm still on her "close friends" list (the only one), but then also see her liking posts about stuff like it's never too late to start over and stuff, but it's draining me mentally less and less everyday. The mornings are still the worst, but I just need to get out.

Edited October 16, 2015 by NucksPatsFan

[Putgolzin]

I feel for you man.

If you care to hear any advice (the kind you probably don't want to hear) I'm more than happy to share.

Either way, be well, continue to get better and trust in riffraff.

Edited October 16, 2015 by nzan

[Bocivus]

Is your energy drained for the gym is it maybe because you're not eating like you should? When I went through heart aches one of the things happened to me was a total loss of appetite. Just a thought.

It's good you got out and are feeling better. Nothing wrong with kickin' in a Starbucks. Time away from the norm is probably a good thing so your body/mind can adjust to something new.

And like the other poster said. Trust if riffraff. It never feels that way at the beginning, but it WILL get better! Hang in there, man.

Edited October 17, 2015 by Bocivus

[Alflives]

The gym right now just isn't working, which is weird because I'm typically a gym rat and train 3-5x a week. I went to squat, and my body just didn't want to. I wasn't in the right mindset, I could barely do 1 rep of 135 which is typically my warm up weight prior to working out. I was so out of it mentally that I guess my body either didn't feel comfortable lifting weight, or it just didn't want to. I unwillingly pushed myself through 30 minutes on the elliptical because sportscenter was on the tv.

Blind optimism is such a cruel defense mechanism by the mind. I had a 45 minute drive today and the only way to focus on the highway was to think positive and hope that maybe time apart with no contact leads her to realize she misses me. I know this is the last thing I should be thinking about, but my mind takes any route it can to ease the pain. It doesn't help that some of my closest friends who are in long lasting, stable relationships all at one point broke up with the person they were with and got back together later.

It's so strange to hear, through a quick google search, of other people from years ago having gone through the exact same thing including time together, the reason for the break up, and in some cases the girl even leaving to get away for a while like in my case.

http://www.relationshiptalk.net/girlfriend-of-4-years-left-because-she-doesnt-feel-the-same-way-anymore-27316331.html

I wish I could find out how the guy in this post is doing now. I believe he posted this in 2011/2012. If you read his initial post, you can quickly conclude he handled it right off the bat in a lot more mature way than I did and/or want to. I don't know if he was lying in his post, or if he genuinely was able to handle it that well.

And then there's this guy who is more recent: http://www.relationshiptalk.net/im-in-a-panic.-ive-been-with-this-girl-for-what-will-have-been-3-years-in...-652444.html

But like everyone's said, it's a process. I slept better last night than I did the night before. I wake up not feeling tired, but want to keep on sleeping. When I finally do get out and am around other people (strangers), for example sitting on my laptop typing this in a busy Starbucks, I feel stable. I don't feel as stable around friends right now, maybe it's because I know these kind strangers who have smiled at me, told me to have a good day, etc. don't know what I'm currently going through and therefore aren't being kind only to make me feel better, whereas with friends I know what they're all thinking.

Here's some advice from an old, experienced, fury, alien. Try your hardest to NOT try and figure out what other people are thinking. Focus on yourself, and repeat the mantra: the only person who can hurt me, is ME. Focus on making yourself as stable, independent, and strong - emotionally, spiritually, and physically - as you can. If you do these things, you will find a girl who is equally as strong in these ways as you, and your relTionship will reflect that strength.

[NucksPatsFan]

Is your energy drained for the gym is it maybe because you're not eating like you should? When I went through heart aches one of the things happened to me was a total loss of appetite. Just a thought.

It's good you got out and are feeling better. Nothing wrong with kickin' in a Starbucks. Time away from the norm is probably a good thing so your body/mind can adjust to something new.

And like the other poster said. Trust if riffraff. It never feels that way at the beginning, but it WILL get better! Hang in there, man.

That's exactly what it was. No appetite. I can go 10 hours without eating. I'll be starving, but my body just won't chew, or swallow and I could barely eat a muffin.

Here's some advice from an old, experienced, fury, alien. Try your hardest to NOT try and figure out what other people are thinking. Focus on yourself, and repeat the mantra: the only person who can hurt me, is ME. Focus on making yourself as stable, independent, and strong - emotionally, spiritually, and physically - as you can. If you do these things, you will find a girl who is equally as strong in these ways as you, and your relTionship will reflect that strength.

I appreciate the advice.

I can feel it starting to get better. I've adopted, or am trying to adopt, the mindset that if there ever was a chance of her changing her mind, I need to be someone she would change it for. No girl looks at a pathetic, sad, mopy guy and says, "I want him." I'm not going to assume she will change her mind, but at least having this mindset will make me want to better my life and move forward.

Honestly appreciate all of your help, words, and advice. If we ever met, I'd buy all of you a round.

[Alflives]

That's exactly what it was. No appetite. I can go 10 hours without eating. I'll be starving, but my body just won't chew, or swallow and I could barely eat a muffin.

I appreciate the advice.

I can feel it starting to get better. I've adopted, or am trying to adopt, the mindset that if there ever was a chance of her changing her mind, I need to be someone she would change it for. No girl looks at a pathetic, sad, mopy guy and says, "I want him." I'm not going to assume she will change her mind, but at least having this mindset will make me want to better my life and move forward.

Honestly appreciate all of your help, words, and advice. If we ever met, I'd buy all of you a round.

Thanks for the offer, but I must decline. My wife won't allow it, and even if she did, what would the people in the think of me?

[thejazz97]

probably dealing with depression again but I don't really want to admit it to myself...

By the way NPF, I sincerely hope you feel better soon.

Edited October 19, 2015 by thejazz97

[Dancin'Droid]

I suck with computers and this was a failed attempt at trying to do something...

 

 

Edited October 20, 2015 by Dancin'Droid

[Putgolzin]

probably dealing with depression again but I don't really want to admit it to myself...

 

good place to start.

there are loads of good people at Briercrest (as you'd know better than I), do you have someone personally that you can be open with and lean on?

[thejazz97]

good place to start.

there are loads of good people at Briercrest (as you'd know better than I), do you have someone personally that you can be open with and lean on?

I actually don't go to Briercrest, but I do have people that I can be open with.

The thing with this is as I've gotten into other things (election, midterms, etc.), I've fallen out of it. And this seems to happen a lot. It's a battle, but I'll find someone to open up to.

[Putgolzin]

^oh, I thought that's where you were set up. good though that you've got good people around you.

balance is a goal in itself at times, especially when the world all around is constantly going crazy. friends, fresh air, good food and exercise are sometimes the hardest things to prioritize but do wonders with chasing away those dark masses rolling in...

all the best in your battle!

[NucksPatsFan]

probably dealing with depression again but I don't really want to admit it to myself...

 

By the way NPF, I sincerely hope you feel better soon.

How're you doing? 

 

I appreciate it. Better everyday, like people have said. Mind is using different coping mechanisms, some not always the [mentally] healthiest, but it makes it feel better. 

[thejazz97]

How're you doing? 

 

I appreciate it. Better everyday, like people have said. Mind is using different coping mechanisms, some not always the [mentally] healthiest, but it makes it feel better. 

I'm doing a lot better.

It's nice to have midterms, or things that distract me.

I do have a relapse now and again, although thankfully it's not suicidal like it was a few years back.

 

That's good you're doing better too!

[Twilight Sparkle]

i looove JT

[NucksPatsFan]

I'm doing a lot better.

It's nice to have midterms, or things that distract me.

I do have a relapse now and again, although thankfully it's not suicidal like it was a few years back.

 

That's good you're doing better too!

That's awesome to hear.

[aGENT]

i looove JT

Timberlake or Trudeau?

[brilac]

I get really excited over eBay!  I could spend hours on there looking at stuff! There are really cool things on there!  Like this really cool 1953 Montreal Canadiens puzzle, New Kids on the Block lunch pales, Charlies Angels lunch pales, Get Smart lunch pales, high end jeans, vintage sweaters!  I've already bought high end jeans and vintage sweaters.  Too bad the 1953 Montreal Canadiens puzzle is a bit pricey.  It could be fancy puzzle night with the champagne!