MikeyBoy44 Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 . Anyone else wishing real bad that they saw the original post here? I am so sure this would have been good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hugor Hill Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Have you ever talked/joked about having sex? This, as your next step. Joke about if you guys are dating. Keep joking about it and maybe one day you won't be joking about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dral Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Ok, this thread has gone on long enough.... sorry, but I just can't do it anymore... pretty sure I'm the one Dazzel is talking about, and yes you are 100% friend zoned. PS - talk to you in a few hours Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riviera82 Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I might have missed this earlier OP, but have you invited her over to your place to hang out yet? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horny Manatee Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I remember Dazzle used to be very anti-relationship and untrusting of women/jaded (unless I'm confusing him with someone else). Just tell her how you feel. Done. You win or you lose. At least you will never wonder what if. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ronalds.Kenins41 Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I used to think with my heart a lot when it came to girls in high school. Then I found this quote that seems crazy at first but if you understand it, it makes a ton of sense. "There is nothing more deceptive than an obvious fact" -Arthur Conan Doyle Sounded very crazy to me and I was like the guy who made that quote must have been some paranoid fellow. But then I realized that in some instances this quote is very real. Especially for a case like yours Dazzle. I mean read this guys post, it was seemingly obvious the girl liked him but then all of sudden its not. Be careful OP, I was in a very similar situation with a girl when I was 18. She had a boyfriend, but called me everynight, facetimed me everynight, came to me when she was stressed etc with things, even use to go to dinner all the time/movies. I obviously liked her, but didn't ever express how I felt because I valued our friendship a lot. I never thought she liked me until one night, I went to her house and she started holding hands with me, cuddling with me etc. I got completely confused and thought she liked me as well. A couple weeks later I got drunk, and asked her what that was all about and told her I liked her. Turned out she claimed she didn't like me and still to this day is with that same dude. Girls are tricky, and just always keep your guard up. Don't get too attached! Girls are not complex, it's just that most of us don't realize the relevance of "Obvious facts being deceptive". Most girls don't even understand this concept. "I never guess. It is a destructive habit to the logical faculty." Arthur Conan Doyle If you think about it clearly all you are doing is "guessing" with emotions mixed into it so it is even more cloudy. I hate to sound like a teacher, sorry if I do, just trying to spread the knowledge I learned the hard way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dazzle Posted March 17, 2015 Author Share Posted March 17, 2015 I remember Dazzle used to be very anti-relationship and untrusting of women/jaded (unless I'm confusing him with someone else). Just tell her how you feel. Done. You win or you lose. At least you will never wonder what if. That ship has sailed long ago, but yes, I was the same poster who went on rants about women. I was going through a crap phase, but i was also immature. That was what... 3 years ago, maybe more now? I think the sobering period of time was when I was helped by women. It made be realize that blaming women and calling them whores/selfish bitches was an overly simplistic approach that avoided putting the blame on me, when it should've been me. I still keep in mind that women can be manipulative, but so can men. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 In my last post I talked about how this is a very heartbreaking road based on my own personal experiences in a vaguely similar situation. I'm not going to get into it, but I wouldn't wish that pain on my worst enemy. I don't know how much you like this girl, but it must be a decent amount for you to come on here and want to talk about your situation. But if you let yourself fall hard for her and if she keeps talking to you late at night, keeps telling you how great you are, keeps dropping "hints" that she may like you...You're going to drive yourself insane when she gets off that phone. When you know she's with someone else. When she's sleeping next to someone else, and doing a lot more than just that with him. It eats away at you. It makes you bitter. It's hell. Until she does anything with you, until she shows you that she means what she says. It's just words, and words alone aren't worth very much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManUtd Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Unless someone knows this girl no one is going to be able to give you anything more than idle speculation. She certainly sounds like she's done some things that could easily be interpreted as her being interested (though seemingly as a backup to her current boyfriend). She could just as easily consider you as only a friend though. It's really easy to misinterpret things. She might just be really happy to have a male friend or be one of those people who is really intense at the start of a friendship. I 100% do not buy some people's arguments that she wouldn't be calling and talking to you for hours if she weren't interested. I used to have a friend that outside observers would have been sure I was dating. We weren't. We were just really good friends. But people would see/hear that we used to talk/text almost every day, would go out for dinner, go out partying and he would stay over and assume we were together. It used to really annoy me because I'd do the same thing with my best friend but no one ever thought anything of it because she was girl. The point being, it would be thoroughly unsurprising to me if she views this they same way I did that. He was just another friend to me. In fact, I just loved having a male friend because I find them so much more fun and relatable. There was nothing sexual about it though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ronalds.Kenins41 Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 In my last post I talked about how this is a very heartbreaking road based on my own personal experiences in a vaguely similar situation. I'm not going to get into it, but I wouldn't wish that pain on my worst enemy. I don't know how much you like this girl, but it must be a decent amount for you to come on here and want to talk about your situation. But if you let yourself fall hard for her and if she keeps talking to you late at night, keeps telling you how great you are, keeps dropping "hints" that she may like you...You're going to drive yourself insane when she gets off that phone. When you know she's with someone else. When she's sleeping next to someone else, and doing a lot more than just that with him. It eats away at you. It makes you bitter. It's hell. Until she does anything with you, until she shows you that she means what she says. It's just words, and words alone aren't worth very much. +1 This. The faster you pull yourself out the better it will be in the long run. It's not easy, it never is, cause it's such a warm perfect feeling. But it is worth it in the end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Arrogant Worms Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I'm glad there's a date and time stamp on your post or I wouldn't know if I'm quoting your most recent comment or your first. But hey, I'm proud of you for mastering one word. This Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sean Monahan Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 +1 This. The faster you pull yourself out the better it will be in the long run. It's not easy, it never is, cause it's such a warm perfect feeling. But it is worth it in the end. Anybody on here over the age of 19 or so has probably experienced something similar. For me, it was in high school with a good friend who I really liked a lot. We actually kinda dated for a while but then she "wasn't ready" for a relationship and whatnot. I held on only to be disappointed when she started dating another guy. I'm still good friends with her but try not to even think those thoughts anymore lol. What I'm saying is, you're best off settling it and sooner rather than later. The longer it drags on you're likely to develop even stronger feelings which could blow up in your face. It's tough to really say what's going on with her since we don't know her but I'm of the idea that if she's open about you with her boyfriend then you're probably not a sexual entity in her eyes. It sounds like you've done nothing but treat her well, why not share that side of you with somebody else who will appreciate it better? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peaches5 Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 This is the backstory. We have known each other for a long time, but only recently (about 2-3 weeks ago) reconnected, despite seeing each other (rarely) at family parties. We played when we were kids once - and I do have regrets that we did it more often than just that. From the last baby shower party, we talked again. We texted each other - and now, it's become a lot more regular. She's also the type to talk on the phone, so we've been doing that, talking for 1-2 hrs almost every night before we sleep. The problem is, she has a boyfriend - and she namedrops him A LOT (i.e. my bf does this/my bf does that, etc) YET... I think she's flirting with me too. - She hints that her bf is different from her. - She thinks our personalities are near identical (we also did a personality test for kicks and we had the same rating) - She calls me nicknames - She admits that she was nervous talking to me because of various reasons We've seen each other once, privately, but we were only playing card games. Other than that, she hasn't asked me to come see her (in any shape or form). I've suggested a drink or two, but she hasn't taken me up on those offers. Friendzoned or something more? I think the phone call thing is a bit amiss - I bet she doesn't do this with her bf. So... maybe, I'm that guy that she bitches to - when she's not with her bf. In other words, I am hopelessly friendzoned. You have not been friendzoned If she is using her BF is different than her in the way that they're growing apart she will likely want to use you to get out of the relationship. You will basically have to be the one to make them break up though. You are going to have to make the first move and not back away from it. If you come in confident and stay confident she will likely end her relationship with her BF; which seems like what shes to want to do. Once that happen you can either just frack her or frack her and date her up to you. If you take a back seat and wait you will likely get friendzoned because some other dude will come around and do what I just said above you are going to be left with the scraps. And don't worry about her talking about her BF a lot. If she has dated the guy for a long time thats pretty much all she will have to talk about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dazzle Posted March 17, 2015 Author Share Posted March 17, 2015 In my last post I talked about how this is a very heartbreaking road based on my own personal experiences in a vaguely similar situation. I'm not going to get into it, but I wouldn't wish that pain on my worst enemy. I don't know how much you like this girl, but it must be a decent amount for you to come on here and want to talk about your situation. But if you let yourself fall hard for her and if she keeps talking to you late at night, keeps telling you how great you are, keeps dropping "hints" that she may like you...You're going to drive yourself insane when she gets off that phone. When you know she's with someone else. When she's sleeping next to someone else, and doing a lot more than just that with him. It eats away at you. It makes you bitter. It's hell. Until she does anything with you, until she shows you that she means what she says. It's just words, and words alone aren't worth very much. This is a really good perspective. It probably would eat at me like that, as you've described and make me extremely bitter, with all things considered. Unless someone knows this girl no one is going to be able to give you anything more than idle speculation. She certainly sounds like she's done some things that could easily be interpreted as her being interested (though seemingly as a backup to her current boyfriend). She could just as easily consider you as only a friend though. It's really easy to misinterpret things. She might just be really happy to have a male friend or be one of those people who is really intense at the start of a friendship. I 100% do not buy some people's arguments that she wouldn't be calling and talking to you for hours if she weren't interested. I used to have a friend that outside observers would have been sure I was dating. We weren't. We were just really good friends. But people would see/hear that we used to talk/text almost every day, would go out for dinner, go out partying and he would stay over and assume we were together. It used to really annoy me because I'd do the same thing with my best friend but no one ever thought anything of it because she was girl. The point being, it would be thoroughly unsurprising to me if she views this they same way I did that. He was just another friend to me. In fact, I just loved having a male friend because I find them so much more fun and relatable. There was nothing sexual about it though. Wow. That'd be a confusing relationship - for sure. You said this in a past tense. What ended it and/or why did you move on from him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManUtd Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Wow. That'd be a confusing relationship - for sure. You said this in a past tense. What ended it and/or why did you move on from him? We started drifting a bit after a couple years when we weren't in the same program anymore, had really different schedules, and didn't really have any mutual friends. We still hung out and talked quite a bit just not nearly as much. Then he graduated and moved at exactly the time I started coming out of the rough period I'd been going through since the start of university. I was ready to essentially start over and move on with my life and with the exception of my best friend (who I'd been friends with forever) I got all new friends. I'm also just terrible for not staying friends with people for more than a few years. I seem to get bored of people after a while. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dazzle Posted March 17, 2015 Author Share Posted March 17, 2015 We started drifting a bit after a couple years when we weren't in the same program anymore, had really different schedules, and didn't really have any mutual friends. We still hung out and talked quite a bit just not nearly as much. Then he graduated and moved at exactly the time I started coming out of the rough period I'd been going through since the start of university. I was ready to essentially start over and move on with my life and with the exception of my best friend (who I'd been friends with forever) I got all new friends. I'm also just terrible for not staying friends with people for more than a few years. I seem to get bored of people after a while. Fair enough. Just curious, was there something about him that made you not want to consider him as a possible partner? Or was everything purely platonic in how things were going? I find the 'sleeping over thing' to be less than platonic of an arrangement (in almost all cases), unless you are in grade school. It's just the way it works after people get older. I think the type of friendship that you had with the guy is extremely rare. Of course, generalizations like I'm making don't represent the individual(s) involved. I'm just trying to make sense of how the relationship I'm having with this girl COULD still somehow end up being similar to yours. One or the other is likely to have conflicted/confused feelings. Last night, she called me again. One of the first things she told me was that she was sleepy, yet we still somehow managed to call for ANOTHER 2 hours. To me, if it was just innocent friendship and nothing more, it'd be really confusing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BanTSN Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Less asking cdc. More action. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManUtd Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Fair enough. Just curious, was there something about him that made you not want to consider him as a possible partner? Or was everything purely platonic in how things were going? I find the 'sleeping over thing' to be less than platonic of an arrangement (in almost all cases), unless you are in grade school. It's just the way it works after people get older. I think the type of friendship that you had with the guy is extremely rare. Of course, generalizations like I'm making don't represent the individual(s) involved. I'm just trying to make sense of how the relationship I'm having with this girl COULD still somehow end up being similar to yours. One or the other is likely to have conflicted/confused feelings. Last night, she called me again. One of the first things she told me was that she was sleepy, yet we still somehow managed to call for ANOTHER 2 hours. To me, if it was just innocent friendship and nothing more, it'd be really confusing. I probably wasn't clear enough. Obviously, your relationship will never be like that because at the very least one of you is interested in the other. I just wouldn't be surprised if she really does just consider you a friend and either doesn't realize that a lot of what she does could be interpreted/misinterpreted as her being interested in more or just for some reason doesn't care. The point of the story was to show why I don't fully buy the argument that she wouldn't call you for hours every night if it was nothing more than a friendship to her. I do still think there's probably a 50-50 shot that this is more than that though. Just playing devils advocate that, based on personal experience, she could just view you as a friend and not realize (or just not care) how it looks to everyone else. Everything was always purely platonic. I had PTSD for years and it took me a very long time to be able to let anyone touch me no matter how innocently. I still have a very short list of people who are allowed to and completely shut down/can't handle it if it's a guy. So, I don't do relationships and as such he was never a potential partner. He knew the whole story though and knew we were friends and nothing more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dazzle Posted March 18, 2015 Author Share Posted March 18, 2015 I probably wasn't clear enough. Obviously, your relationship will never be like that because at the very least one of you is interested in the other. I just wouldn't be surprised if she really does just consider you a friend and either doesn't realize that a lot of what she does could be interpreted/misinterpreted as her being interested in more or just for some reason doesn't care. The point of the story was to show why I don't fully buy the argument that she wouldn't call you for hours every night if it was nothing more than a friendship to her. I do still think there's probably a 50-50 shot that this is more than that though. Just playing devils advocate that, based on personal experience, she could just view you as a friend and not realize (or just not care) how it looks to everyone else. Everything was always purely platonic. I had PTSD for years and it took me a very long time to be able to let anyone touch me no matter how innocently. I still have a very short list of people who are allowed to and completely shut down/can't handle it if it's a guy. So, I don't do relationships and as such he was never a potential partner. He knew the whole story though and knew we were friends and nothing more. Sorry to force that story out of you - I wasn't intending that. Also, sorry for whatever happened that had you go into PTSD and hope that you're doing well. I felt it necessary to say and feel sorrow, but I'm not at all pitying you. I can't say I know what it's like to go through something like this, so this is all I can offer. Now that you've explained it as such, it makes a whole lot more sense for the guy not to dick around when it comes to you. I think that guy would have been extra careful handling you, in all honesty, because I would've, given the same situation. I strongly believe that you wouldn't have shown traits to "lead someone on", once they knew your story/stories. Yeah... 'there's warning signs surrounding this' situation - maybe I'll get my heart broken if I invest too much emotion/time into it, or i could just be turning down an opportunity. She seems to be really interested in seemingly everything about me, which is good. It seems a bit strange that someone would. I'm really not that special. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sean Monahan Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Sorry to force that story out of you - I wasn't intending that. Also, sorry for whatever happened that had you go into PTSD and hope that you're doing well. I felt it necessary to say and feel sorrow, but I'm not at all pitying you. I can't say I know what it's like to go through something like this, so this is all I can offer. Now that you've explained it as such, it makes a whole lot more sense for the guy not to dick around when it comes to you. I think that guy would have been extra careful handling you, in all honesty, because I would've, given the same situation. I strongly believe that you wouldn't have shown traits to "lead someone on", once they knew your story/stories. Yeah... 'there's warning signs surrounding this' situation - maybe I'll get my heart broken if I invest too much emotion/time into it, or i could just be turning down an opportunity. She seems to be really interested in seemingly everything about me, which is good. It seems a bit strange that someone would. I'm really not that special. Not sure how to bold text on mobile but if I could it would be the last three sentences and I'd say this: Nobody wants to sleep with a man who wouldn't sleep with himself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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