What's the point of living?

[butters]

14 minutes ago, Apricot said:

I didn't think of it like that. I'm the go-to person for advice for a lot of family and friends. So this is kind of hard for me to be stuck on. Cause any other problems they're having, I usually get the answer and make them feel better really quickly. 

 

She's always been the cheery type person, so its weird hearing these things from her. But everyone has issues, some just hide it better. Yeah I'll ask her to think back and try to see when it all changed. I actually asked that question to a cousin when she was talking about problems with her husband and they managed to fix it and they're still together. 

Nothing is as simple as 'having the answers to make people feel better right away'.  A lot of times people need someone to vent to, in which case simple listening is a good thing. But some people have an illness, and need professional help.

[Baka]

Just putting in 2 cents. Recently graduated from university and engaged. She may not have had much freedom to live for and develop own passions.

[Apricot]

Heading home right now, will take around 30 minutes. I'll reply back when I get home. 

 

Thanks for the replies so far tho guys, it has helped a lot! 

[N4ZZY]

38 minutes ago, Apricot said:

What if she's not having a good time tho? That is what she told me before asking me that question. She said that she's not happy, and whats the point in living. 

Personally. I don't think being happy is the end all be all. My reason? Because life isn't like that. We aren't always happy, and if the purpose of life and the point of living is based off of our happiness, well, what happens when we're not happy? 

 

I believe that every human being is spiritual to a degree. We're created for something much more than just living for self. And I agree with one poster who said that the reasons for living are different for everyone. Because we're all unique. But I also believe that each and every human being also has a purpose why they're on earth, and living. 

 

 

[MJDDawg]

Depression, even mild forms, isn't specific to gender, walk of life, age...etc. Much like Cancer, it seems very indiscriminate.

 

Sure, victims of domestic abuse, troubled home life growing up, addicts...etc may have a higher propensity for depression, but generally it's the people you might think would be the least likely to have it.

 

Sounds like she just needs to talk to someone, preferably a professional. Seems like she has a lot going for herself right now what with a new career, a fiancé...etc. Her question may simply be some anxiety of big changes in her life right now, or could be signs of very mild depression.

 

Either way, speaking with a professional who can diagnose her will help.

[ShakyWalton]

42 minutes ago, Apricot said:

What if she's not having a good time tho? That is what she told me before asking me that question. She said that she's not happy, and whats the point in living. 

Being not happy is a temporary thing...being dead is relatively permanent...if she truly feels this way she should seek professional help and being her friend it might mean taking a more hands on approach to see that she does...good luck with this.

[Rocksterh8]

This is really about you isn't it? You just said it's a friend, I know.....

[Nuxfanabroad]

Must endeavour in these tricky questions with a fruit..Apricot, it's a tough poser, & as many have mentioned, has a personal, subjective angle.

 

There is something that's very depressing, from my pov. (being a 48 yr old, who lived near Van in the 70's & 80's). That would be comparing the world today, with the one of my youth. There was a vibe around 30~40 yrs back, which I know we'll never find again. Felt people were more 'there' for each other, & a smaller percentage 'fell through the cracks'.

 

Personally, I watched my family fall apart, & was so disappointed/depressed with that, I left for Asia. Mention that to illustrate that people(back then) may have had 2nd or 3rd options for a do-over..now, I'm not so sure.

 

So it's far easier to have success, happiness(NUMEROUS reasons to live) when you have family, friends & the right environment. Take away ONE of those elements, & how do you feel? Two or three, & such people will be tested to a degree, that many simply can't endure.

 

On a global scale, we're approaching 7.5 billion now, in 1960 it was 3 billion. Today, about 1.5 billion(20%) live in developed, 1st world OECD relative-harmony. Despite being 'the lucky ones' we can still observe conditions worsening. Imagine how that goes in regions where humanity struggles to survive?

 

Lastly the four letter word...TECH. If ever there was a concept, we'll thrive and/or die from. The ultimate two-edged sword. Empowering & Orwellian, both. In a study of happiness, beauty & aesthetics were one of the aspects that bring this desired state. Think of the friend(s) who paints, writes, plays music, or has a house on a hill-side, with a gorgeous water view. The efficient world we're trying to develop, is probably at odds with such priorities. Probably because TPTB can't MAKE MONEY from notions of beauty. May seem a different direction, but I'd argue that the state of happiness is one all humans should strive for. The world we're currently developing often seems to lose sight of this.

[Harvey Spector]

Most likely your friend has gone through something traumatic or heart breaking that she has not advised you of. So first thing is to find out what the issues in her life are. If she wasn't like this before then some recent event or situation has triggered her to feel this way. She definitely at the very least needs to see a counsellor, as in my experience people with depressed type feelings really need to "let it out" and the best way to do that would be to talk to a professional who is trained to listen and give her advice. 

 

As as to the actual question " what's the point of living when we're all gonna die anyways", unfortunately there is not a simple answer to that question. Reason being is because it is different for everybody. Life and death is tied to religion. If you speak to a Catholic person they will give you one answer, if you speak to a Muslin they might answer differently. An Atheist might just give you something totally different as well.

 

Being Italian and growing up in a Catholic household and going to Church and believing in Jesus, I can give you MY answer to that question. And MY answer is that we are all brought onto this planet to serve a unique purpose in life. We need to find out what that purpose is and fulfill it to the fullest. It is different for each of us, so you can't look at others and say I should be the doing the same as that person. Once you actually find your purpose in life it does become exciting and life becomes worth living. Also Jesus taught me to help one another. The greatest feeling in the word is to help another human being. I believe that if you are going through a rough patch in life the best way to handle it is to just go out and make other people's lives better. The feeling you get from that is truly unbelievable. And it should get you out of that depressed zone you are in and help you to cope and get back to normal again. 

 

We all have challenges in life. Nobody goes through life without dealing with crap. It's not what's thrown in front of you that will decide who you become it is how you handle the situation that defines you as a person.

[canuckledraggin]

There's nothing wrong with asking questions like that. Those are the questions that have been asked by scholars and philosophers since humans became self aware and society began. The big questions are the ones that really have no answers, but lead to critical thinking. The problem that arises is believing there's an answer. You definitely need to challenge her and keep a dialogue open, because people do get depressed when the answers aren't there. You sound like a great friend and she certainly is lucky that she can confide in you. Let her spill her guts to you and if she doesn't want to talk about it, then you spill your guts to her. The worst thing is to be stuck in your own head. Have a great day everyone.

[Guest]

There are people that can and WILL help. Tell her to stay strong and that she can make it through this phase.

[Apricot]

1 hour ago, Baka said:

Just putting in 2 cents. Recently graduated from university and engaged. She may not have had much freedom to live for and develop own passions.

That's not it, I even asked her that when she got engaged. I asked her if its too soon, she's so young. Need to live your life. Her answer? "I want to live my life with him." Or something like that, yeah super cheesy I know.

 

 

 

53 minutes ago, N4ZZY said:

Personally. I don't think being happy is the end all be all. My reason? Because life isn't like that. We aren't always happy, and if the purpose of life and the point of living is based off of our happiness, well, what happens when we're not happy? 

 

I believe that every human being is spiritual to a degree. We're created for something much more than just living for self. And I agree with one poster who said that the reasons for living are different for everyone. Because we're all unique. But I also believe that each and every human being also has a purpose why they're on earth, and living. 

 

 

 

I agree, and I also agree that not being happy isn't the reason to end it all. She just kept on telling me that it's different that just not being happy. She told me she's not happy, that's it. Like you said, we aren't always happy. But that changes in a few hours, or days. Its just an off day we all have. But I think for her its just different, and she hasn't exactly given me reason as to why she feels like this, but I just know the way she was asking that question its not just, "having one bad day" type thing. 

 

 

50 minutes ago, MJDDawg said:

Depression, even mild forms, isn't specific to gender, walk of life, age...etc. Much like Cancer, it seems very indiscriminate.

 

Sure, victims of domestic abuse, troubled home life growing up, addicts...etc may have a higher propensity for depression, but generally it's the people you might think would be the least likely to have it.

 

Sounds like she just needs to talk to someone, preferably a professional. Seems like she has a lot going for herself right now what with a new career, a fiancé...etc. Her question may simply be some anxiety of big changes in her life right now, or could be signs of very mild depression.

 

Either way, speaking with a professional who can diagnose her will help.

 

I'm gonna talk to her about this tonight, try to get it out from her as to why she's feeling like this and that she should probably see a professional. Like someone said, sometimes we all need to vent it out and then feel better. It could just be a question she asked me out of the blue and she's feeling better. I wont find out until tonight, but I just wanted help on what to say to her if its much better than just venting and everyone here as helped a lot. 

 

 

49 minutes ago, ShakyWalton said:

Being not happy is a temporary thing...being dead is relatively permanent...if she truly feels this way she should seek professional help and being her friend it might mean taking a more hands on approach to see that she does...good luck with this.

Damn Shaky, that was deep. Yeah I'm gonna figure out a lot of stuff with her tonight and talk about professional help and stuff. 

 

 

23 minutes ago, Rocksterh8 said:

This is really about you isn't it? You just said it's a friend, I know.....

 

Believe me, it has nothing to do with me. I made a post here a while ago in a topic about this girlfriend encouraging her boyfriend to commit suicide. Go read that post, and come back and then you'll realize this has nothing to do with me.

 

7 minutes ago, canuckledraggin said:

There's nothing wrong with asking questions like that. Those are the questions that have been asked by scholars and philosophers since humans became self aware and society began. The big questions are the ones that really have no answers, but lead to critical thinking. The problem that arises is believing there's an answer. You definitely need to challenge her and keep a dialogue open, because people do get depressed when the answers aren't there. You sound like a great friend and she certainly is lucky that she can confide in you. Let her spill her guts to you and if she doesn't want to talk about it, then you spill your guts to her. The worst thing is to be stuck in your own head. Have a great day everyone.

Thanks dude, that helped. Have a great day as well

 

5 minutes ago, Stamkos said:

There are people that can and WILL help. Tell her to stay strong and that she can make it through this phase.

Thanks man, I'll let her know. From me tho..cause she'll probably be like, "wth why are you talking about my life with randoms on the internet."

[X-PatLostInEdm]

Also, maybe find out the number of her local crisis line and text it to her next time you're talking. She may not want to phone them right away, but at least it will be ON HER PHONE if things deteriorate any further. Hopeful, it's not as serious as this but you just can't tell sometimes.

[Baka]

3 minutes ago, Apricot said:

That's not it, I even asked her that when she got engaged. I asked her if its too soon, she's so young. Need to live your life. Her answer? "I want to live my life with him." Or something like that, yeah super cheesy I know.

Don't take it the wrong way but she is a girl who is asking others for answers for her life when she can't figure it out herself. It is reasonable to think she doesn't truly understand her own life. Why does she want to live her life with him if she is this unhappy? maybe she does love him but maybe she is forcing herself to live a life that doesn't fill her needs. 

 

From my own perspective I always put high value on family, romance,work, kids, etc. But it was because that was the normal. It wasn't until my early 20's that it hit me that while I like these things they have a small pull on my happiness. I need to have a degree of freedom to explore myself and chase what gives me stimulus. You mentioned her having a job, romance, and family but nothing about her chasing her hobbies and desires.

[Apricot]

45 minutes ago, Nuxfanabroad said:

Must endeavour in these tricky questions with a fruit..Apricot, it's a tough poser, & as many have mentioned, has a personal, subjective angle.

 

There is something that's very depressing, from my pov. (being a 48 yr old, who lived near Van in the 70's & 80's). That would be comparing the world today, with the one of my youth. There was a vibe around 30~40 yrs back, which I know we'll never find again. Felt people were more 'there' for each other, & a smaller percentage 'fell through the cracks'.

 

Personally, I watched my family fall apart, & was so disappointed/depressed with that, I left for Asia. Mention that to illustrate that people(back then) may have had 2nd or 3rd options for a do-over..now, I'm not so sure.

 

So it's far easier to have success, happiness(NUMEROUS reasons to live) when you have family, friends & the right environment. Take away ONE of those elements, & how do you feel? Two or three, & such people will be tested to a degree, that many simply can't endure.

 

On a global scale, we're approaching 7.5 billion now, in 1960 it was 3 billion. Today, about 1.5 billion(20%) live in developed, 1st world OECD relative-harmony. Despite being 'the lucky ones' we can still observe conditions worsening. Imagine how that goes in regions where humanity struggles to survive?

 

Lastly the four letter word...TECH. If ever there was a concept, we'll thrive and/or die from. The ultimate two-edged sword. Empowering & Orwellian, both. In a study of happiness, beauty & aesthetics were one of the aspects that bring this desired state. Think of the friend(s) who paints, writes, plays music, or has a house on a hill-side, with a gorgeous water view. The efficient world we're trying to develop, is probably at odds with such priorities. Probably because TPTB can't MAKE MONEY from notions of beauty. May seem a different direction, but I'd argue that the state of happiness is one all humans should strive for. The world we're currently developing often seems to lose sight of this.

I'm sorry about that man.

She has family, friends and a fiance(and in laws that are near damn perfect, that rarely happens.) So she's either lying to me about something, or there is something much better in the picture. And I honestly don't know where things could have gone wrong with her life. Her feelings are just off. This was a good post tho man, thanks. 

 

 

 

38 minutes ago, Harvey Spector said:

Most likely your friend has gone through something traumatic or heart breaking that she has not advised you of. So first thing is to find out what the issues in her life are. If she wasn't like this before then some recent event or situation has triggered her to feel this way. She definitely at the very least needs to see a counsellor, as in my experience people with depressed type feelings really need to "let it out" and the best way to do that would be to talk to a professional who is trained to listen and give her advice. 

 

As as to the actual question " what's the point of living when we're all gonna die anyways", unfortunately there is not a simple answer to that question. Reason being is because it is different for everybody. Life and death is tied to religion. If you speak to a Catholic person they will give you one answer, if you speak to a Muslin they might answer differently. An Atheist might just give you something totally different as well.

 

Being Italian and growing up in a Catholic household and going to Church and believing in Jesus, I can give you MY answer to that question. And MY answer is that we are all brought onto this planet to serve a unique purpose in life. We need to find out what that purpose is and fulfill it to the fullest. It is different for each of us, so you can't look at others and say I should be the doing the same as that person. Once you actually find your purpose in life it does become exciting and life becomes worth living. Also Jesus taught me to help one another. The greatest feeling in the word is to help another human being. I believe that if you are going through a rough patch in life the best way to handle it is to just go out and make other people's lives better. The feeling you get from that is truly unbelievable. And it should get you out of that depressed zone you are in and help you to cope and get back to normal again. 

 

We all have challenges in life. Nobody goes through life without dealing with crap. It's not what's thrown in front of you that will decide who you become it is how you handle the situation that defines you as a person.

I've said that to myself a bunch of times. It makes you feel good, doesn't it? Like there's something out there for you, and it makes things easier in a way. 

 

That was deep too, y'all are killing it right now. Such deep and powerful stuff. I love it. 

 

I'll try and get it out of her tonight, it does seem like there was a trigger cause this just doesn't come out of the blue. I didn't think of the religion thing, that's a new perspective. Interesting, very interesting. I just want to make her feel better, cause its what I do(not professionally..), just overall. Its weird not knowing what to say to someone.  

[Apricot]

9 minutes ago, Baka said:

Don't take it the wrong way but she is a girl who is asking others for answers for her life when she can't figure it out herself. It is reasonable to think she doesn't truly understand her own life. Why does she want to live her life with him if she is this unhappy? maybe she does love him but maybe she is forcing herself to live a life that doesn't fill her needs. 

 

From my own perspective I always put high value on family, romance,work, kids, etc. But it was because that was the normal. It wasn't until my early 20's that it hit me that while I like these things they have a small pull on my happiness. I need to have a degree of freedom to explore myself and chase what gives me stimulus. You mentioned her having a job, romance, and family but nothing about her chasing her hobbies and desires.

No no don't worry about that, I like what you and everyone else is saying. It makes me think of it in a different way as well. I asked her that question when she got engaged tho. She's been engaged for a couple months now. So obviously things have changed within those months. She's been telling me that she's happy, and I speak to her fiance sometimes as well and he's happy too. So it could all be lies, I don't know yet. I never really asked her of her desires, or even if she has hobbies. Its weird, but I don't think she even has hobbies or wants hobbies. I should ask her that tonight. She's just been focused on school all day everyday, everything was pushed aside. Maybe now that she doesn't have anything to be focused on, its all just coming out. Hey, thanks for this. 

[Apricot]

I've finished all my pluses, so I'll give pluses to everyone else tomorrow sometime

[Baka]

13 minutes ago, Apricot said:

No no don't worry about that, I like what you and everyone else is saying. It makes me think of it in a different way as well. I asked her that question when she got engaged tho. She's been engaged for a couple months now. So obviously things have changed within those months. She's been telling me that she's happy, and I speak to her fiance sometimes as well and he's happy too. So it could all be lies, I don't know yet. I never really asked her of her desires, or even if she has hobbies. Its weird, but I don't think she even has hobbies or wants hobbies. I should ask her that tonight. She's just been focused on school all day everyday, everything was pushed aside. Maybe now that she doesn't have anything to be focused on, its all just coming out. Hey, thanks for this. 

You are the girl who spent all that money to see Hamilton on Broadway right? (I think I am right but sorry if I am not). It held value to you beyond a price many others wouldn't pay. Something to get you excited and look forward too. She needs to find her things like that. Family and love is great but you gotta have your own things that drive you.

 

As for you keep in mind you cannot control anyone. Offer your advice and hope it works out but it is something she has to figure out on her own to a degree. Don't get discouraged if it doesn't flip like a switch for her.

[Nuxfanabroad]

8 minutes ago, Apricot said:

I've finished all my pluses, so I'll give pluses to everyone else tomorrow sometime

This is the intrinsic-danger in being too positive. It's also important to ration yerself to 30 smiles per 24 hrs. :^)

 

Mental health is also such an essential ingredient here. Some people are simply more conscientiously aware of all the world's issues. During youth, that's mostly rarer. But now, if one is 'down & out' mostly due to the state of the world they live in, the question begs: Are they 'sick' per se, or simply more aware of a raped, pillaged planet, temporarily subject to the nefarious whims of sociopathic politicians, in fascist-cahoots with exploitative, destructive major, influential corporations?

 

I'd argue that they who are deeply saddened(for the right reasons) may be more clever, & in touch, than the best of us...

[Apricot]

3 minutes ago, Baka said:

You are the girl who spent all that money to see Hamilton on Broadway right? (I think I am right but sorry if I am not). It held value to you beyond a price many others wouldn't pay. Something to get you excited and look forward too. She needs to find her things like that. Family and love is great but you gotta have your own things that drive you.

 

As for you keep in mind you cannot control anyone. Offer your advice and hope it works out but it is something she has to figure out on her own to a degree. Don't get discouraged if it doesn't flip like a switch for her.

Haha, yes I am . It was awesome and it definitely made me excited even when I had my off days. I agree she needs to have something like that, I never realized how weird it is not to have something like that. Not having a hobby, or not being passionate about something. Didn't realize it until right now. 

 

No no ofcourse, I'm gonna offer my advice and the stuff many of you all have said. Its really good, the answers I've received are really good and they've helped me figure out an answer to give her later tonight.