The Hornet Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 If she really cares about you, and she trusts you, she would show you her photo. If she keeps going on not wanting to meet up with you or not even showing you a face shot, it may be time to move on. These 'private' people can have very serious issues that if you start a relationship with, you won't find out 'till later. Just ask my brother, his ex-fiance ended up breaking up with him 40 days before they got married, because she kept some emotional baggage with her, and it eventually made her crazy, and ruined my brother emotionally. My brother really cared about her. They were together for three years, and although she did have some personality and emotional problems, my brother chose not to think about it. He loved her, and that's all that mattered to him. He proposed to her last Christmas, and they were set to get married this July. My parents and I noticed how she was always quiet, kept to herself, always wore long sleeves and jeans as if to hide herself. She never made eye contact, and said weird things at the wrong time. She cried a lot. Not just little whimpers, but I mean all out shouting and screaming crying, usually about weird stuff like the time she got locked out of my house, but she knew we were home... she didn't ring the bell to let us know she was out there... just started crying on our porch... Long story short, my brother had a small argument with her, and he said a few bad words (in general, not directed at her) and she called that 'abuse'. A month later, without any warning, she un-friended my brother on facebook and skype, changed her cellphone and home home number, and didnt answer any e-mails. My brother loved her so much, he started to panic. He called home in tears, wanting to know if she was okay. three days later, a package arrived in the mail at my brothers house. It was her wedding ring, no note or anything else was in the box. My brother to this day is still pretty emotionally destroyed by this. He was all set to get married, start a life with someone he loved, and out of nowhere it was over. We were able to get into contact with her parents, and as it turned out, a lot of her personal problems were because she suffers from Asperger syndrome, something my brother knew about, but chose to ignore it because he loved he so much. Apparently she also didn't want to marry him due to the fact she comes from a very Catholic family, and he's an atheist, but that's another story. Now, why am I rambling on about this? My brother found her on Plenty of Fish. She also didn't want to display a photo, or talk much about herself until my brother and her talked on Pof for at least a month. Once they finally met, things seemed fine, but she never seemed to feel comfortable with him. In the end, she just lost interest in him, and due to her condition and shyness, couldn't find a way to tell him before they were to get married. I may be ranting and tired... but this is the short story of what happened to my brother... and what also might happen to you. These insecure girls may have had personal / family troubles in the past, and if you stay with them long enough, they may come back to haunt you! *My brother lives 5 hours north outside of town, so besides facebook, skype and telephone, he had no way to contact her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pimpcurtly Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 Ultimatum time!! Meet up or peace out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KFBR392 Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 This is a can of worms that I would not dare to open... Run while youre still free. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hudson bay rules Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 Hell, I don't like using a cam with those that know me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RyanKeslord17 Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 Honestly man, this is really weird, lol. Just tell her that you'd really like a picture and her being so insecure is what could cause you to reject her rather than her appearance. How is she ever going to improve her insecurity if she keeps hiding? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Linden Legend Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 This chick sounds like she's got some major issues she's gotta figure out bro. Trust is a two way street. You went out on a limb and put yourself out there by sending her a picture of yourself. But she won't do the same?? That's messed up. Either she's not interested, crazy, or screwing with you. Whatever the answer is, in my opinion, it's time for you to forget her and move on. This situation is clearly stressing you out enough to post about it for advice on CDC. Relationships (good healthy ones) shouldn't stress you out. Good Luck with that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matthew Lombardi 18 Posted August 31, 2012 Author Share Posted August 31, 2012 If she really cares about you, and she trusts you, she would show you her photo. If she keeps going on not wanting to meet up with you or not even showing you a face shot, it may be time to move on. These 'private' people can have very serious issues that if you start a relationship with, you won't find out 'till later. Just ask my brother, his ex-fiance ended up breaking up with him 40 days before they got married, because she kept some emotional baggage with her, and it eventually made her crazy, and ruined my brother emotionally. My brother really cared about her. They were together for three years, and although she did have some personality and emotional problems, my brother chose not to think about it. He loved her, and that's all that mattered to him. He proposed to her last Christmas, and they were set to get married this July. My parents and I noticed how she was always quiet, kept to herself, always wore long sleeves and jeans as if to hide herself. She never made eye contact, and said weird things at the wrong time. She cried a lot. Not just little whimpers, but I mean all out shouting and screaming crying, usually about weird stuff like the time she got locked out of my house, but she knew we were home... she didn't ring the bell to let us know she was out there... just started crying on our porch... Long story short, my brother had a small argument with her, and he said a few bad words (in general, not directed at her) and she called that 'abuse'. A month later, without any warning, she un-friended my brother on facebook and skype, changed her cellphone and home home number, and didnt answer any e-mails. My brother loved her so much, he started to panic. He called home in tears, wanting to know if she was okay. three days later, a package arrived in the mail at my brothers house. It was her wedding ring, no note or anything else was in the box. My brother to this day is still pretty emotionally destroyed by this. He was all set to get married, start a life with someone he loved, and out of nowhere it was over. We were able to get into contact with her parents, and as it turned out, a lot of her personal problems were because she suffers from Asperger syndrome, something my brother knew about, but chose to ignore it because he loved he so much. Apparently she also didn't want to marry him due to the fact she comes from a very Catholic family, and he's an atheist, but that's another story. Now, why am I rambling on about this? My brother found her on Plenty of Fish. She also didn't want to display a photo, or talk much about herself until my brother and her talked on Pof for at least a month. Once they finally met, things seemed fine, but she never seemed to feel comfortable with him. In the end, she just lost interest in him, and due to her condition and shyness, couldn't find a way to tell him before they were to get married. I may be ranting and tired... but this is the short story of what happened to my brother... and what also might happen to you. These insecure girls may have had personal / family troubles in the past, and if you stay with them long enough, they may come back to haunt you! *My brother lives 5 hours north outside of town, so besides facebook, skype and telephone, he had no way to contact her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matthew Lombardi 18 Posted August 31, 2012 Author Share Posted August 31, 2012 This chick sounds like she's got some major issues she's gotta figure out bro. Trust is a two way street. You went out on a limb and put yourself out there by sending her a picture of yourself. But she won't do the same?? That's messed up. Either she's not interested, crazy, or screwing with you. Whatever the answer is, in my opinion, it's time for you to forget her and move on. This situation is clearly stressing you out enough to post about it for advice on CDC. Relationships (good healthy ones) shouldn't stress you out. Good Luck with that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sharpshooter Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 I dedicate this song to ML18 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Linden Legend Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 And thanks for this post. Yeahhhh.. i was hoping to get the ball rolling with my picture first but I probably must not have been very attractive. It is a bit stressing me out and I don't have a proper outlet to ask this without potentially getting ridiculed. It hurts much less to get ridiculed online. But I've received great advice on this forum before so NBD. What is the fine line between close friend and bf/gf? That's what I'm not clear about. I honestly can care about this person but physical attraction is somewhat important (though not nearly as important as personality/understanding - for sure) Without that picture... it's like a void. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Ambien Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 I've recently met a very insecure girl online (but in the area). It's been a week and two days and much progress has been made. We've had text messages and telephone/cell phone calls. I have not seen her picture yet. We've managed to talk about A LOT of personal stuff about each other (aside from names, school and places of work) and we have A LOT of similar goals/interests/experiences. It almost seems like it is meant to be. This whole week, I've been talking to her for hours and hours, non-stop. The interest between us, I believe, is genuinely mutual. Yet, she is so insecure about herself. Everytime I come back home, she is almost always the first person to write me long messages about how she feels about meeting/knowing me (and it's all positive) She has openly admitted that she "really really really" likes me (and more, which could be scary for guys!) but won't meet me until couple of months from now. She admits that she is physically ugly (her words) and wants to "be ready for me" later on, and she's afraid she's not good enough for me. I am not a superficial person and I have told her that. I guess she doesn't trust me. But she admits that I am the first person that she has thoroughly trusted and cared for, but is afraid that I'll turn away from her - due to her ugliness. She also asked me about what types of girls I'm interested in, hair styles..bust size, etc. I told her that natural is best and that a woman shouldn't have to do all this for a guy because the guy isn't worth it, if that's the case. Anyhow, she insists that she's doing it so that I don't have to "settle". It's really obvious that she has self-esteem issues, despite the fact that I told her that I'm not like that. I've (crazily) made some future plans about doing something with her one day and she is extremely happy about them. She trusts me and she's told me some emotional things about herself. She has (in her words) made lifestyle changes, turning a bit more girly now, which is a new adjustment for her - but I never ever told her to change herself. She did it by herself. She wants to give me her picture as a birthday present. I gave my picture to her just yesterday. She has encouraged that I go find someone else (if I can't wait for her). The problem is... I want to meet her - but she doesn't want to meet me, despite her words (verbally + text) that she really wants to. She says she's deeply afraid of rejection. What should I do? I do (think) that I care about her and I don't want to ditch her. At the same time, flirting online is not enough for me. I want to have lunch/dinner with her and/or do something fun with her. She's a nice person but has a very low self-esteem. Sigh. I wish I could get her to trust me - then I can prove that I won't break her heart. Stay friends with her and find another girl? or just try to work through it? I'm a 'project' boyfriend myself but she is an even bigger 'project' girlfriend. I want to be there for her but I'm not sure if I should do that as a close friend or as a boyfriend. Help please. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mainly Mattias Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AllHailSmyl Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 So many +1's in this thread, it's amazing! Anyways, this sounds like bad news from the start IMO. By now she should want to meet, should want to send you a photo at the least. I won't bore you with the insecure theory, that has been beaten to death here. My other theory is what happened to me...she could be with another guy right now and is waiting to break that off before she brings you into her life. Sounds unlikely and cruel, but it happened to me. And boy when I found out, I didn't want to be that next guy, because there always will be a next guy for those types of girls. I do wish the best for you, even though I don't know you. Relationships can be tricky at the best of times so I hope everything works out. Keep us updated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rypien37 Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 Honestly, just sounds like a story of a nice guy and a girl who likes to play mind games. Move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Bookie Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 I agree with the suggestion that she's still with another guy (could she be married?) and working on breaking that off. Big red flag if she's already searching for a new guy online, but maybe she was just looking for a casual hookup and didn't expect to meet someone she actually is interested in. Less likely, but during my brief foray into online dating a few years back, I met a girl and we seemed to click... after a week of emails and skyping, she confessed that she had lied on her profile and didn't live in Vancouver but was planning to move there. Which wasn't a big deal but did seem weird, and from there things just kind of .... died. Anyways, I say don't give up quite yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PlayStation Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 Damnit look at her facebook or give up! Respecting her privacy my butt! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cj_coolcat Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 Coming from someone who used to be very insecure I can tell you right now that girl is not ready to date you. She needs to find confidence in herself before she can go be with someone else. Do you really want to date someone that you have to prop up all the time? Not to mention the fact that if you want to date her there has to be at least some measure of physical attraction. I don't care how "not superficial" you say you are, it's not going to work if you think she's ugly. But okay, let's say she's wrong, and she's not ugly. Let's even say she's beautiful. It won't matter. No amount of you telling her that is going to change her own feelings about herself. It just doesn't work that way. If you're coming into this thinking you can "fix" her you're in for a world of hurt. It might sound harsh but you should just walk away. I mean, maybe be her friend if you want but definitely don't date her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Master Radishes Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 Well, having happily been in a relationship for six years, I'm personally rather optimistic about the subject. So that's my bias. If you think she could be worth it, stick with it. Don't force her to do anything, just keep...being there. Eventually she will take the next step and send a picture, or meet up, or wahtever. Just don't push her. Be supportive. Etc. You surely know the drill. She needs to overcome her issues, and you're helping her do that by being patient and supportive. Every person has issues, and every couple has issues. If you know what hers are up front (clearly self-esteem related) then you can figure out how to work past them. It may not always be easy, but no one said it would be. (If someone did, they're lying.) Good luck. (...And, uh, on a less serious note, I'd probably stalk her, if it was me. Just online, not in real life. Well, unless I was really bored one day, and knew for certain that I could find her. Just to see her, not to meet her. Think of it this way: it'll be a cute story in a few years if you two are happily together then. And if you aren't, no harm done. But hey, that's just me. I'd be dying of curiosity.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Likewise Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 >no pics OP how are you willing to go on a date with someone when you don't even know how they look like? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeremyW Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 Why don't you go on a group date with all of her friends. Usually, if someone is around another friend of their's, they feel a lot more comfortable. Bringing any of your friends might make her feel uncomfortable though :S With that said, my advice would be that you're safer meeting them in person and getting to know them (its really hard to communicate emotion through text-messages) in person before comitting to a serious relationship. There are a lot of important attributes of a person (not physical per se, but also personality traits) of someone you just can't experience from a text-message. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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