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Theory - The Green Men were Aliens

Where'd Luongo?

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Ever wonder why the notorious green men, who were always so reluctant to show their true identities, just up and disappeared?


Turns out the green "men" weren't men at all, but in fact they were aliens sent to Earth to prevent the Canucks from winning the Stanley Cup back in 2011. If you don't already know, the Earth is actually an experiment where alien races from around the universe are constantly monitoring and placing bets on our society, similar to our own reality TV shows.


In 2011, after years of heartbreak, the Canucks were finally going for the cup. Winning a presidents trophy was just enough to get the attention of the alien best known as Hanuang-Do, a relative of our Earthly Huang-Di of ancient China. Hanuang had already placed 1 million Reptoids, the local currency of the notorious Reptilians who are in charge of all Earth betting, on the Canucks to once again choke in the playoffs. He needed someone to stop them from their winning ways, so he sent two criminals who had been jailed for rigging the Big Brother 7 finals to stop them. Their mission was to infiltrate and stop the Canucks without being discovered, so they dressed in full green spandex as to not be identified.


In order for them to infiltrate deep within the Canucks organization, they decided it would be best to act as though they were FANS! What a genius ploy as they were immediately accepted and given access to the arena, where they would later poison the water bottles for the Canucks in Game 7 of the 2011 finals. That is why they weren't able to generate any scoring chances that day.


Over the next few years, the Canucks kept their winning ways, so Hanuang decided to keep betting against them. His odds were so good that he tripled his money each season! All he had to do was guarantee the Green Men's freedom once their mission ended. In 2013/14, the canucks were terrible. They couldn't buy a win and their odds plummeted, Hanuang had his millions and packed it in. At this time, the green men were called back to their home planet. They initially thought they were to be freed but upon arrival, word had spread of the bet rigging they had done. The crowd that was supposed to greet them were not as friendly as they so seemed. The green men were never seen again.

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This makes perfect sense... no doubt the fact that he was the Yellow Emperor and the fact that the Bruins (Yellow logo) were the team against us made this an inevitable outcome. Also as we well know Lu is Chinese for Green, Green men, Luongo, Yellow Bruins, Yellow Emperor... damn if only he was LuDi instead... we would have won. Who knew events 4600 years ago would still be having such an impact in this day and age. 

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Right, but you conveniently omitted the part about Gary Bettman, (AKA- Hornslack Septicsalad , a 4000yr old Reptilian shapeshifter) actually officiating all 7 games and his step-brother, Coli Campbell (AKA- Donksmack Poopsinmouth) being responsible player safety, and how they were integral in the massive bet rigging ring which gained so much power through their massive Reptoid holdings that they bankrupt most of their home galaxy.



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once they realized how ****ed up canucks fans were, they went back to their home planet and were like "**** it" to their overlord saying "spare the humans. they'll destroy themselves"


they now have a stadium packed full of aliens watching the truman show of human life. when a war's going on, that's their version of funniest home videos. another alien doing voice over of a child being blown up, in the style of bob saget, "oh, i'm just a harmless human child-" KABOOM *mwaah mwaah mwaaaaahh...." and they all laugh at us. we're looney tunes to them x__x

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