confessions

[Cerridwen]

1 hour ago, AppleJack said:

Thanks for the support. My sisters super understanding and my mom's being great but the rest of the family are putting a lot of pressure on me on regards to 'Being there' for my sister and going to see the baby. I want to wait a bit till its not so raw or we are pregnant again before doing that but they keep 'guiding' me in what they feel is best.
it's something I have been dealing with since we lost our baby because my sister was already pregnant at the time and thus made it all okay for most of my family.
I do feel my son's been pushed aside because he's dead. I also pretty much be blamed by various family members because we told ppl right away about the pregnancy and because we and others bought us stuff. It makes me so angry that I'd been basically told I am the reason my baby died because we weren't superstitious. My step mother has also heavly hinted that we should wait a full year at least to get pregnant again because it would be bad luck to be pregnant when our baby's birthday rolls around.

My heart hurts so much for you, AJ  *biggest hugs* I am so sorry you’re being exposed to such ignorance and insensitivity by such remarks as “I am the reason my baby died because we weren't superstitious.”,  “we should wait a full year at least to get pregnant again because it would be bad luck to be pregnant when our baby's birthday rolls around.” and that you are ‘somehow to blame’ because you shared your happy news too early”. Those comments are such bull$&!#.  I am frankly astounded and angry for you that you are having to deal with such terrible comments and lack of insight from family who should be your biggest support system right now. Superstition plays no part in medical fact and for your step-mother to hint or suggest such a thing is just ignorance at it's worst.

 

Grief has no time table and you must do what is best for YOU, nobody else. Nobody else lives inside your skin so they cannot even possibly fathom what you are going through. Nobody has the right to tell you the ‘right’ way in which to grieve or what your behavior should be in regard to it.

 

I am incredibly impressed by your strength and your courage... I know you may not feel that you are being especially brave and strong, but you are. Just getting out of bed every day and pushing through the hours til the next is a feat in itself......and you do it. I know some days are more difficult than others and yet you do it.....you show everyone around you how strong you are. And on those days when it’s difficult to face the day, you’re allowed to take the time to let yourself  just be immersed in it.

 

A friend of mine just had her rainbow baby a few months ago and as joyful as it is to have her new daughter, she still grieves every day for the one she lost.  She found an outlet in journaling every day her thoughts and feelings.... the days when she was able to carry on through, head held high.......and the days when she stayed in bed and cried the day through.....

 

Your son is now, and always will be,  a very real and existing part of you......a part of your greater family and his presence should always be acknowledged  and accepted as a very real and present member of the family circle. He is loved, he is precious and he is very much missed. It’s terrible that some people are so insensitive and ignorant to that fact and continue to hurt you by their behavior and comments.

 

You are so strong and so very brave to share your feelings and thoughts with us here on CDC. It’s not always a ‘safe’ place to share something so intensely personal but you do, and I admire you immensely  and thank you for allowing us to share yours and TS’s journey.  

 

You must take care of yourself and TS first..... other family will just have to wait and if that means postponing visiting the new baby, so be it. You will know when you’re ready.

 

Edited April 23, 2016 by Cerridwen

[AppleJack]

15 hours ago, Cerridwen said:

My heart hurts so much for you, AJ  *biggest hugs* I am so sorry you’re being exposed to such ignorance and insensitivity by such remarks as “I am the reason my baby died because we weren't superstitious.”,  “we should wait a full year at least to get pregnant again because it would be bad luck to be pregnant when our baby's birthday rolls around.” and that you are ‘somehow to blame’ because you shared your happy news too early”. Those comments are such bull$&!#.  I am frankly astounded and angry for you that you are having to deal with such terrible comments and lack of insight from family who should be your biggest support system right now. Superstition plays no part in medical fact and for your step-mother to hint or suggest such a thing is just ignorance at it's worst.

 

Grief has no time table and you must do what is best for YOU, nobody else. Nobody else lives inside your skin so they cannot even possibly fathom what you are going through. Nobody has the right to tell you the ‘right’ way in which to grieve or what your behavior should be in regard to it.

 

I am incredibly impressed by your strength and your courage... I know you may not feel that you are being especially brave and strong, but you are. Just getting out of bed every day and pushing through the hours til the next is a feat in itself......and you do it. I know some days are more difficult than others and yet you do it.....you show everyone around you how strong you are. And on those days when it’s difficult to face the day, you’re allowed to take the time to let yourself  just be immersed in it.

 

A friend of mine just had her rainbow baby a few months ago and as joyful as it is to have her new daughter, she still grieves every day for the one she lost.  She found an outlet in journaling every day her thoughts and feelings.... the days when she was able to carry on through, head held high.......and the days when she stayed in bed and cried the day through.....

 

Your son is now, and always will be,  a very real and existing part of you......a part of your greater family and his presence should always be acknowledged  and accepted as a very real and present member of the family circle. He is loved, he is precious and he is very much missed. It’s terrible that some people are so insensitive and ignorant to that fact and continue to hurt you by their behavior and comments.

 

You are so strong and so very brave to share your feelings and thoughts with us here on CDC. It’s not always a ‘safe’ place to share something so intensely personal but you do, and I admire you immensely  and thank you for allowing us to share yours and TS’s journey.  

 

You must take care of yourself and TS first..... other family will just have to wait and if that means postponing visiting the new baby, so be it. You will know when you’re ready.

 

Thank you so very kindly for your kindness. it's people like you and JR and various others who have supported us that makes CDC a good place. I just ignore the others.
I was journaling for a bit but stopped mid march. I think i'll take it up again at least on the weekends. I am far to tired to do anything after work. It was super helpful when I was doing it and I don't know exactly why I stopped doing it to be honest.
I don't think my families trying to be cruel but their behavior is beyond disgusting. I am already on rocky grounds with that part of my family anyways so I am not surprised by it. They are CRAZY super religious and I think they accepted things cause God gave them another grandchild. My dad's told me pretty much that already. We are very spiritual and do believe in a higher power so I don't know if they think it brings comfort. It doesn't. It's probably the 2nd worse thing you can say to someone in this situation. The first being "it happened for a reason". I always ask just what was that reason because we don't even have a true cause of death just some educated guesses. So I don't see a reason for telling someone this at all.

I am happy for your friend rainbow babies must be the most magical thing in the world. I also love that term rainbow babies. It's so hopeful. I have heard it used a lot and have also heard the term 'hope baby' used for during pregnancy.
 

Ts and I attend this support group called empty cradle. It provides comfort because everyone understands what we are going through there. There are some women who have had rainbow babies so that's also helpful. I am glad for the group and feel it's helped me alot.
I eventually plan on getting a tattoo with our babies footprints and angel wings. I am not when I will get it though. 

I just started working again (with children) and that's forced me to get out of bed even when I don't want to. I feel bad cause I never told the family about the baby or that we plan to try for another soon but I don't really feel like indulging that information just yet and if anything it makes me better at my job because every moment with a child is more precious. It also makes my job harder because I am reminded to often just what I lost. My counselor thought it was a good idea and I am able to only work part time so it's probably the best fit. If I had worked at wallmart or something I would have had to work full time.

it's been a long journey but I think we are working through things together and growing stronger.

thanks again for being there.

[PhillipBlunt]

Your son has amazing parents. He may not be here as a physical being, but purely based on the love, honesty, and compassion coming from your words, I can't help but think that he is buoyed by that love as the beautiful spirit that he is. He will always be with you. And you with him.

 

[Putgolzin]

i believe every cdc'ers true personality is that of their avatar

[TimberWolf]

9 minutes ago, nzan said:

i believe every cdc'ers true personality is that of their avatar

 

Mine is

[Blue Jay 22]

I'm a 21 year old junior, soon to be senior after this semester dating the girl of my dreams who loves me just as much as I love her. We both go to school in Omaha right now, have dated for 3 years, and have already talked about marriage, kids, family, all that crap like most loveydovey couples do. She is graduating this year and she landed her dream job, here in Omaha, and already accepted it and plans on living in Omaha it appears for the future, at least the immediate future at least. I'm incredibly happy for her and excited for her/our next chapter in life.

 

With that said, I confess that I am scared about what the future holds for me. I was born in BC, but my family moved to California when I was little was raised in SoCal for almost my entire life, until I went off to college in Omaha. I'm scared because while Omaha is a nice city with friendly people and all, I'm not sure I want to live in Omaha and start a family here. She is a Midwest girl, born in Eastern Colorado and then of course came to Omaha for college. She has already told me that she wished to stay in the midwest, which it looks like she's getting that wish with her new job.

 

Like I said, I'm incredibly happy for her, but can't help but feel scared that this is almost a sign that I am eventually going to have to settle in the Midwest. I wouldn't even think of leaving her, because she is everything a guy could ask for and so much more. I don't know what I did to deserve her, but I am grateful. I have no intention of leaving her whatsoever and if she is still in Omaha by the time I graduate next year, then so will I. But part of me has a gut sinking feeling that I will never be 100% completely happy living in Omaha. My family, my close friends....all left behind and a far distance away. It makes me scared, thus my confession.

[aGENT]

13 hours ago, Blue Jay 22 said:

I'm a 21 year old junior, soon to be senior after this semester dating the girl of my dreams who loves me just as much as I love her. We both go to school in Omaha right now, have dated for 3 years, and have already talked about marriage, kids, family, all that crap like most loveydovey couples do. She is graduating this year and she landed her dream job, here in Omaha, and already accepted it and plans on living in Omaha it appears for the future, at least the immediate future at least. I'm incredibly happy for her and excited for her/our next chapter in life.

 

With that said, I confess that I am scared about what the future holds for me. I was born in BC, but my family moved to California when I was little was raised in SoCal for almost my entire life, until I went off to college in Omaha. I'm scared because while Omaha is a nice city with friendly people and all, I'm not sure I want to live in Omaha and start a family here. She is a Midwest girl, born in Eastern Colorado and then of course came to Omaha for college. She has already told me that she wished to stay in the midwest, which it looks like she's getting that wish with her new job.

 

Like I said, I'm incredibly happy for her, but can't help but feel scared that this is almost a sign that I am eventually going to have to settle in the Midwest. I wouldn't even think of leaving her, because she is everything a guy could ask for and so much more. I don't know what I did to deserve her, but I am grateful. I have no intention of leaving her whatsoever and if she is still in Omaha by the time I graduate next year, then so will I. But part of me has a gut sinking feeling that I will never be 100% completely happy living in Omaha. My family, my close friends....all left behind and a far distance away. It makes me scared, thus my confession.

That's a toughy... on one hand, you need to do what's best for you. On the other hand, if she really is 'the one' she's likely 'what's best for you', wherever you two live.

 

After all, It's just a place. The people around you are what's most important. People make the place you live a home.

 

My suggestion is to have a calm, rational discussion with her about it. Nothing adversarial, just let her know how you feel and that you are a bit scared of settling down somewhere you hadn't previously expected.

 

Be honest and open.

[Flume]

On May 2, 2016 at 11:06 AM, nzan said:

i believe every cdc'ers true personality is that of their avatar

What does that make me?

 

 

[Master 112]

21 minutes ago, Flume said:

What does that make me?

 

 

LSD.

[aGENT]

On 5/2/2016 at 11:06 AM, nzan said:

i believe every cdc'ers true personality is that of their avatar

So I'm a friendly bee with an ominous warning...?

[Sean Monahan]

On May 2, 2016 at 11:06 AM, nzan said:

i believe every cdc'ers true personality is that of their avatar

I tend to enjoy looking constipated when I wear Hawaiian shirts.

[Flume]

2 hours ago, One one two said:

LSD.

Sexy. 

 

You're shrooms?

[aGENT]

I confess I just spent way too much $$$ on an alarm clock.... 

 

Edited May 3, 2016 by J.R.

[Green Building]

8 minutes ago, J.R. said:

I confess I just spent way too much $$$ on an alarm clock.... 

 

What an absolute let down that would be to awake at 6:30 in December, see the full "sun" at 7:00, get up and be surrounded by darkness until noon anyways, because winter. I hope you like it.

 

On 5/2/2016 at 11:06 AM, nzan said:

i believe every cdc'ers true personality is that of their avatar

 I'm a bit of a cheeseball. 

[Blue Jay 22]

On 5/2/2016 at 1:06 PM, nzan said:

i believe every cdc'ers true personality is that of their avatar

I'll take it.

[Kazmanian Devil]

On 5/2/2016 at 11:06 AM, nzan said:

i believe every cdc'ers true personality is that of their avatar

I agree

[aGENT]

Just now, Green Building said:

What an absolute let down that would be to awake at 6:30 in December, see the full "sun" at 7:00, get up and be surrounded by darkness until noon anyways, because winter. I hope you like it.

It's actually supposed to help with that according to the many positive reviews.

 

People report feeling far less groggy in the winter when being awoken more 'naturally' by tricking the body in to thinking it's enjoying a sunrise.

 

Light (natural and artificial) can have an immense effect on our bodies/brains.

 

Great documentary on it if you're interested:

http://www.cbc.ca/natureofthings/episodes/lights-out

http://www.cbc.ca/player/play/2313158777

 

[Tigs]

On 02/05/2016 at 0:06 PM, nzan said:

i believe every cdc'ers true personality is that of their avatar

I agree.

[Green Building]

1 minute ago, J.R. said:

It's actually supposed to help with that according to the many positive reviews.

 

People report feeling far less groggy in the winter when being awoken more 'naturally' by tricking the body in to thinking it's enjoying a sunrise.

 

Light (natural and artificial) can have an immense effect on our bodies/brains.

 

Great documentary on it if you're interested:

http://www.cbc.ca/natureofthings/episodes/lights-out

http://www.cbc.ca/player/play/2313158777

 

If anyone needs tricked into being awake during our version of *cough* winter, it's me. I'll give those a peek, but I need real daylight, perhaps this placebo would do the trick once and awhile for a month or so.

[Twilight Sparkle]

1 hour ago, Wild Sean Monahan said:

I tend to enjoy looking constipated when I wear Hawaiian shirts.

i confess, this guys in my top 5 favourite usernames