To Spank or not to Spank, we're talking about child discipline

[riffraff]

Spanking? LOL. White kids got it easy. A little wack on the behind is nothing.

Right.

No white kids are ever beaten.

[WHL rocks]

No spanking. Never. It's possible to discipline your children without spanking. It's not either spank or let your kids do what ever they want. Parents should have a parent child relationship and the children should act respectfully towards their parents. I personally can't believe how many parents don't know how to act like parents when it comes to their kids, particularly parents with teenage kids.

There are numerous ways to discipline your child without spanking. I personally think it's degrading to the child when they are spanked. I would never employ this method.

[Jägermeister]

Sorry... timeouts are now considered bad as well....

http://time.com/3404701/discipline-time-out-is-not-good/

I understand it is hard to keep up with the parenting style de jour...

Too much judging of parenting happens, especially by non-parents. If you have managed to get your child to bed alive; reasonably clean; with only enough TV in order to keep you sane and the house from being condemned; and having had something more nutritious that day than fruit leather and skittles..

.I salute you!

Everyone else can go take a flying leap and go back to pretending they are better at being the GM of a hockey team than the professionals.

Wooo strive for mediocrity!!!

[Offensive Threat]

I became a well behaved halfway decent human being.

Jury is still out on that one....

[smithers joe]

i don't believe in spanking a child....if you do, you should never spank them in anger...if it is to teach discipline, i've found that the tone of your voice....not the sting on the rump teaches best...i was never spanked, i never spanked my son, and he has never spanked his son...

some people believe you have to hurt your child to make them understand your power.....i've always believed that you earn their respect, not demand it...

[Baka]

Hey if it worked for them great.

I just wouldn't spank a two year old. Imo there is nothing a two year old could do that would cause me to feel that physical punishment was the only answer

I brought it up to try to hold no bias (this is not to say I would or wouldn't do that if in their shoes). As said I don't support spanking but that is an example that I witnessed where the kid came out great and it is hard to argue with results.

The reason I am getting flustered with you guys (more so inane) is because he added nothing he just came in and insulted people and is now avoiding a completely valid question.

If someone is so strongly against this then you should have a reason to be. Basically you should be able to explain why such an action is so dangerous and what alternatives will yield better or equal results. So those are still my questions on the table. If you guys disagree with them that's cool but at least give some reasons as to why it was wrong. Your kid who can't yet speak fluently is eating dirt off the ground how do you stop him if he is persistent in doing it? What danger is their in using minor taps to get him to stop?

Because to me as someone who prefers not to spank I see a kid who is social, polite, educated, always asks his parents permission and seems eager to be around his parents such as helping his father on his cars. I can't argue with results personally I don't think giving him a tap on the wrist so he wouldn't eat dirt and get sick damaged his life in anyway.

[theminister]

Spanking? LOL. White kids got it easy. A little wack on the behind is nothing.

You might want to consider settling it down with the the racial stereotypes there, Russell.

[riffraff]

I brought it up to try to hold no bias (this is not to say I would or wouldn't do that if in their shoes). As said I don't support spanking but that is an example that I witnessed where the kid came out great and it is hard to argue with results.

Of course. I've said as such. This describes me as one who was spanked.

The reason I am getting flustered with you guys (more so inane) is because he added nothing he just came in and insulted people and is now avoiding a completely valid question.

Many here do that..

If someone is so strongly against this then you should have a reason to be. Basically you should be able to explain why such an action is so dangerous and what alternatives will yield better or equal results. So those are still my questions on the table. If you guys disagree with them that's cool but at least give some reasons as to why it was wrong. Your kid who can't yet speak fluently is eating dirt off the ground how do you stop him if he is persistent in doing it? What danger is their in using minor taps to get him to stop?

Again I didn't say it was wrong. I just said that spanking a two year old is something I couldn't or wouldn't do for reasons I've already stated. At this point I would have to qualify the term spanking. What you describe isn't what I really

Consider spanking. And imo putting diet and other things in ones mouth as a toddler is normal and I just don't see spanking as necessary....I mean the word punishment doesn't even apply here imo....kids are dirty. They play in it. They eat it. Obviously parents should or can discourage their kids from eating dirt but could that be done in a non physical way? Probably.

Because to me as someone who prefers not to spank I see a kid who is social, polite, educated, always asks his parents permission and seems eager to be around his parents such as helping his father on his cars. I can't argue with results personally I don't think giving him a tap on the wrist so he wouldn't eat dirt and get sick damaged his life in anyway.

I don't spank (although my oldest is cruising for a bruising at times these days). My kids are nowhere near perfect but I guess I don't expect them to be......

Ever.

[inane]

I brought it up to try to hold no bias (this is not to say I would or wouldn't do that if in their shoes). As said I don't support spanking but that is an example that I witnessed where the kid came out great and it is hard to argue with results.

The reason I am getting flustered with you guys (more so inane) is because he added nothing he just came in and insulted people and is now avoiding a completely valid question.

If someone is so strongly against this then you should have a reason to be. Basically you should be able to explain why such an action is so dangerous and what alternatives will yield better or equal results. So those are still my questions on the table. If you guys disagree with them that's cool but at least give some reasons as to why it was wrong. Your kid who can't yet speak fluently is eating dirt off the ground how do you stop him if he is persistent in doing it? What danger is their in using minor taps to get him to stop?

Because to me as someone who prefers not to spank I see a kid who is social, polite, educated, always asks his parents permission and seems eager to be around his parents such as helping his father on his cars. I can't argue with results personally I don't think giving him a tap on the wrist so he wouldn't eat dirt and get sick damaged his life in anyway.

There's no one answer. Words, consequences, actions, you can use a myriad of different tools. It's hard. It takes time. It requires constant work, reminders, patience, all of it. But physically hitting or spanking your kid isn't a 'last resort'. It's giving up. It's lazy. It's damaging to the kid and to you. How many stories do we have here of dad's crying while they spank there kid? How farked up is that? 'I'm hitting you cause I love you' is bs.

[Junkyard Dog]

It depends your child. Every child has to be be disciplined differently you just need to find what affects them more dearly.

Some kids take emotional discipline, like taking something they hold very dear to them away pretty seriously. Phone if they are a teen or video game.

Some kids need a spanking. I would mainly resort to this if your child afflicting physical abuse to a sibling, pet or another child.

You have to be a bit careful about how you go about this because your child will remember accordingly if you make a habit of it. The last thing you want if for your child to hold hateful feelings toward you as he grows up.

[RUPERTKBD]

A lot of ignorance in this thread.

"If you don't spank your kids will become spoiled brats"? Spoken like someone who's raising spoiled brats and can't figure out why the constant spanking isn't helping. (Either that, or someone who's never raised a child)

I was spanked as a kid, but my parents are in their 80s and 90s. It was an era where "Spare the rod, spoil the child" was thought to be sound advice. In this day and age, i would have hoped that as a society we'd know better, but unfortunately, this thread seems to suggest not.

I have managed to raise three daughters without ever spanking any of them and there is not a "spoiled brat" amongst them.

To say that it is okay, but should never be done in anger is an example of a nice, but unrealistic idea. Spanking is almost always done "in anger". Parents who have the patience and self control to refrain from physical punishment when their children are misbehaving, quickly learn that there are better, more effective methods of discipline.

My parents spanked and their parents spanked. I made the decision not to spank because I feel it's ineffective and I don't want my kids perpetuating an outdated idea for another generation.

[WHL rocks]

Too much critical thinking.

You're supposed to listen to people who spend 10 seconds on Google, cut and paste the first handful of crap they come across and skim two sentences of.

Anyways, my children showed signs of being able to understand their screw-ups when they were very young, my daughter, for example, around 11 months old. At that point, I find spanking okay. There's no point in spanking if they don't understand it. As she's gotten older, I've spanked her far less. I find other avenues are more productive at getting the concept of punishment across.

And spanking is never anything but with a hand. I was hit with switches, studded belts, along with many other punishments of overkill (forced to sit on my knees with my feet on the carpet floor and my knees up about 45 degrees on entrance/foyer tile, leaning forward, for 2-4 hours), and they never taught me anything.. only produced permanent damage from which I have an extremely high sensitivity to regarding pain (especially stinging pain when I get even playfully hit on the lower back).

I haven't really listened to what people say. I mean, I regularly hear the dumbest crap regarding kids. One time at the mall I was waiting outside the women's bathroom while my wife changed my daughter, she was pissed and screaming bloody murder (wet crap diaper, probably broken skin because of it, had the craps all day) while being changed. Some idiot women walking out were saying stuff like "wow you hear that, she must be abusing that poor thing". Most don't have a clue, so.. in the end, I don't really listen much to anyone else's opinions on parenting (most of my opinions center around the "gfy" variety), and I tend not to give advice to others unless they ask for it. There's a special kind of stupid reserved for people who try and tell others how to parent.

Are you nuts? Spanking a 11 month old? I'm sorry but there should be laws against that, if they don't already exist. You claim she was smart enough to understand it? How does an 11 month old understand corporal punishment. There is no way.

My older son was born in December making him the youngest child in his KG class, he qualified for enriched KG even though he was almost 1 year younger than some of his classmates. So he is as very intelligent child, there is NO WAY he would have "understood" spanking when he was 11 months old. He was just starting to walk at that age. My younger son was just as intelligent and there is no way he would understand spanking at 11 months old either. I can't believe your family and friends didn't address this and put a stop to it.

Have you thought that your permanent psychological damage might need to be addressed ? Highly likely that it's not just limited to your high sensitivity to pain. There are many options, you can bring it up with your family doctor and he can send you to a psychologist.

Listening to people is very important, particularly as a parent. You get many many ideas from other parents, like the saying goes "it takes a village to raise a boy". There are many aspects to that saying and one is to have lots of input and ideas from other people's experiences.

As a parent of 2 boys and on a personal note I recommend you and your partner register for a parenting class. And please don't take this as offensive. I say it in a helpful and friendly manner.

[inane]

It depends your child. Every child has to be be disciplined differently you just need to find what affects them more dearly.

Some kids take emotional discipline, like taking something they hold very dear to them away pretty seriously. Phone if they are a teen or video game.

Some kids need a spanking. I would mainly resort to this if your child afflicting physical abuse to a sibling, pet or another child.

You have to be a bit careful about how you go about this because your child will remember accordingly if you make a habit of it. The last thing you want if for your child to hold hateful feelings toward you as he grows up.

How does that make sense? You're going to show them that physically abusing their sibling or pet is bad by physically abusing them. I don't get it.

[inane]

Are you nuts? Spanking a 11 month old? I'm sorry but there should be laws against that, if they don't already exist. You claim she was smart enough to understand it? How does an 11 month old understand corporal punishment. There is no way.

My older son was born in December making him the youngest child in his KG class, he qualified for enriched KG even though he was almost 1 year younger than some of his classmates. So he is as very intelligent child, there is NO WAY he would have "understood" spanking when he was 11 months old. He was just starting to walk at that age. My younger son was just as intelligent and there is no way he would understand spanking at 11 months old either. I can't believe your family and friends didn't address this and put a stop to it.

Have you thought that your permanent psychological damage might need to be addressed ? Highly likely that it's not just limited to your high sensitivity to pain. There are many options, you can bring it up with your family doctor and he can send you to a psychologist.

Listening to people is very important, particularly as a parent. You get many many ideas from other parents, like the saying goes "it takes a village to raise a boy". There are many aspects to that saying and one is to have lots of input and ideas from other people's experiences.

As a parent of 2 boys and on a personal note I recommend you and your partner register for a parenting class. And please don't take this as offensive. I say it in a helpful and friendly manner.

I didn't even answer his post because spanking an 11 month old is just so farking insane I didn't even bother.

[Junkyard Dog]

How does that make sense? You're going to show them that physically abusing their sibling or pet is bad by physically abusing them. I don't get it.

Physical abuse? You're not going to whip them with a belt or smack your kid sideways. It is a spanking.

Like I said every child is different and needs to be disciplined differently.

[RUPERTKBD]

Physical abuse? You're not going to whip them with a belt or smack your kid sideways. It is a spanking.

Like I said every child is different and needs to be disciplined differently.

Semantics, JD. The bottom line is that you're "teaching" a child not to hit, by hitting them.

[inane]

Physical abuse? You're not going to whip them with a belt or smack your kid sideways. It is a spanking.

Like I said every child is different and needs to be disciplined differently.

You're going to use physical violence to show your kid how physical violence towards others is wrong. I have no idea how you square that circle.

[thejazz97]

You're going to use physical violence to show your kid how physical violence towards others is wrong. I have no idea how you square that circle.

Saying a spanking is physical violence is like saying giving them a high-five is physical violence...

[Remy]

I'm deadly serious. You cannot ever understand the context of disciplining a child and being a disciplinarian unless you actually have children to discipline.

I used to think the same as you, before I had children. Once my daughter was born, every preconceived notion I ever held regarding raising a kid was flipped on it's ass. As a consequence, I no longer EVER judge a parent when they are out in public and disciplining their kid/kids.

It's the same as me not being able to fully comprehend or understand the context of being unable to walk. I cannot empathize, and my opinions on the matter are absolutely meaningless as I just have NO CLUE.

Learning to be a parent is sometimes just as hard as a kid learning to be a person. If you haven't gone through it before, then you really have no business providing opinion on the matter.

Congratulations, your opinion is now meaningless on nearly every subject by your own logic. Your opinion is just as irrelevant as a non-parent's, on the broader issue, because you haven't parented other people's children. I'm sure you're okay with having your thoughts so easily dismissed, since you're willing to do it to others.

Going forward, I hope you hold the same standards to yourself on all other subjects as well. No opinions on anything unless you've explicitly had first-hand experience. As a hockey forum, I hope you will now refrain from posting any thoughts or opinions about the NHL, unless you've been an NHL player. Otherwise, your opinion is invalid. Meaningless.

Perhaps your problem is the part I have bolded. By your own admission, you cannot empathize. It's a pretty fundamental skill that allows us to understand what others feel, as though we were feeling it ourselves. It's a fairly critical part of the human condition and, without it, our society would not stick together. That you have difficulty with that is concerning.

See, empathy helps me to perceive both the role of parents and children. While I can understand the frustration and helplessness that parents may feel at times, I can also understand the effects of corporal punishment on children. I'm not claiming to be an expert, but neither are you. I think my opinion is equally fair and valid, no more, no less.

To use the example you provided of someone that can't walk, I'd be really concerned if you truly feel that you can't empathize with that situation at all. You do not have to be neutral simply because you're able to walk, that makes no sense at all. I'm fairly confident I can understand that it comes with a fair share of difficulties and challenges. It's why I'm not a jerk that tries to steal a handicapped parking spot, I can empathize and understand that they exist for an important purpose. But you, well, apparently you have "NO CLUE", eh?

[inane]

Saying a spanking is physical violence is like saying giving them a high-five is physical violence...

lol Spanking is inflicting pain physically and often mentally to deter something. Your intention is to scare/punish/deter/negatively associate whatever the kid did with the threat of physical or mental pain. It might not be 'a lot' of pain as some of you are trying to argue (just the hand not a tool), but that's your intent.

A high five is none of that. Try again.