Silly, Clean Jokes(if you pls)

[SaintPatrick33]

4 minutes ago, Alflives said:

Puns are good for teaching language nuance.  The king of the pun was Shakespeare.  There, have them read Lear, Macbeth, and top it off with The Tempest.  The kids will eat that stuff up. . 

 

Indeed true...this thread is a good indication of what we view humor as these days, namely vulgar and insulting phrases. The nuances and beauty of language are disappearing fast. Put those smartphones down kids! 

[Nuxfanabroad]

10 minutes ago, Ghostsof1915 said:

 

Ghosts..MAN! I loved Monty P back in the day(late 70's). Recall it was on channel #9 PBS, from Seattle. I was mesmerized(& shocked), because it was pretty risque humour for back then. Utterly different than anything I'd ever seen on the tube.

 

Does anyone else recall those broadcasts? Wasn't it sponsored by "Ivar's Seafood House", if memory serves?

 

Monty Python, & The Muppets were decades ahead of the curve...

[Nuxfanabroad]

19 minutes ago, Alflives said:

Puns are good for teaching language nuance.  The king of the pun was Shakespeare.  There, have them read Lear, Macbeth, and top it off with The Tempest.  The kids will eat that stuff up. . 

Very true Alf. Puns, wordplay..idiomatic-expressions. Language when twisted about can be a good laugh. Makes learning(& memorizing), aHelluva'lot less tedious.

[Alflives]

1 minute ago, Nuxfanabroad said:

Very true Alf. Puns, wordplay..idiomatic-expressions. Language when twisted about can be a good laugh. Makes learning(& memorizing), aHelluva'lot less tedious.

The kids might find it punny.  

[Ghostsof1915]

11 minutes ago, Nuxfanabroad said:

Ghosts..MAN! I loved Monty P back in the day(late 70's). Recall it was on channel #9 PBS, from Seattle. I was mesmerized(& shocked), because it was pretty risque humour for back then. Utterly different than anything I'd ever seen on the tube.

 

Does anyone else recall those broadcasts? Wasn't it sponsored by "Ivar's Seafood House", if memory serves?

 

Monty Python, & The Muppets were decades ahead of the curve...

Yup I was raised on English humour. On the Buses, Monty Python, Dave Allen at Large, The Two Ronnies, Benny Hill. (Benny Hill for the unclean, and the fact I could gawk at boobs and even my Mom would laugh.) Then in the Eighties PBS showed It's not the 9 o'clock news, Yes, Prime Minister, and the legendary Red Dwarf. I think Ivar's was a big sponsor of KCTS at the time. What I liked about Monty Python is not every gag worked. They just tried stuff. Way ahead of the curve. 

[Aladeen]

A snail walks into a car dealership and says to the car salesman "I will buy your top of the line sportscar for sticker price as long as you have the letter S painted all over it for me!"

The car salesman was ecstatic that he had a customer who wouldn't haggle on the price and said "of course I can do that for you but if you don't mind me asking why do you want the letter s all over your car?"

 

The snail replied, "so whenever I am zooming around town everyone will turn and say LOOK AT THAT S CAR GO!!!" 

[Nuxfanabroad]

Q~ Know what the hairy, menacing spider whispered to the beautiful butterfly?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks for visiting the web-site.

[Nuxfanabroad]

37 minutes ago, Ghostsof1915 said:

Yup I was raised on English humour. On the Buses, Monty Python, Dave Allen at Large, The Two Ronnies, Benny Hill. (Benny Hill for the unclean, and the fact I could gawk at boobs and even my Mom would laugh.) Then in the Eighties PBS showed It's not the 9 o'clock news, Yes, Prime Minister, and the legendary Red Dwarf. I think Ivar's was a big sponsor of KCTS at the time. What I liked about Monty Python is not every gag worked. They just tried stuff. Way ahead of the curve. 

Recall 'Not The 9 O'Clock', they had some pretty funny skits. Benny Hill too. Didn't see enough of the others.

 

Also like how George Harrison supported the MP-troupe. Apparently he was quoted that the Beatles' magic(when they broke up) was transferred over to the Monty lads.

[Green Building]

Show them this clip and see who catches all the wordplay.

 

 

[Master Mind]

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back to you?

 

A stick.

[Sean Monahan]

What's the difference between an old Greyhound station and a lobster with 36DD breasts?

 

 

 

 

 

One's a crusty bus station and the other's a busty crustacean.

[Nuxfanabroad]

7 minutes ago, Wild Sean Monahan said:

What's the difference between an old Greyhound station and a lobster with 36DD breasts?

 

 

 

 

 

One's a crusty bus station and the other's a busty crustacean.

Strangely seems a lusty creation, slowly touring the nation  :^)

[SaintPatrick33]

35 minutes ago, Wild Sean Monahan said:

What's the difference between an old Greyhound station and a lobster with 36DD breasts?

 

 

 

 

 

One's a crusty bus station and the other's a busty crustacean.

well played, well played. This thread is using my daily quota of likes. 

[Agoork]

How do you catch an elephant?

 

1st, dig a deep hole. 

2nd, put a good layer of ashes on the bottom

3rd. place green peas all around the top of the hole.

 

When the elephant comes to take a pea, kick him in the ash hole!

 

[Green Building]

A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. "Uno, dos..." and then *poof* … he disappeared without a tres!

 

 

The Past the Present, and the Future walk into a bar... it was tense.

 

 

Knock knock

Who's there?

To

To who?

To whom.

[JAY JAY]

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not Happy.

 

I went to a seafood disco last week, and pulled a mussel.

 

I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles.

        My next crap could spell disaster.

 

I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.

 

 

What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory?
   - All that was left was de brie.

 

How do frogs die??
  - They Kermit suicide.

 

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

 

 

[Putgolzin]

what do you call a fish with no eyes?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

fshhhh

[MJDDawg]

A horse walks into a bar.

 

Bartender asks him "why the long face?".

 

 

 

[Nuxfanabroad]

6 minutes ago, nzan said:

what do you call a fish with no eyes?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

fshhhh

This has me chucklin..I'm sleepy(drowsy), gotta hit the hay-but this is sweet.

[MJDDawg]

Ok, a few oldies from one of my favorite comedians...

1. I almost broke both my arms trying to hold open a revolving door for a woman.
2. I got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.
3. I’ve been getting into astronomy so I installed a skylight. The people who live above me are furious.
4. Why is it a penny for your thoughts but you have to put your two cents in? Somebody’s making a penny.
5. I broke a mirror in my house and I’m supposed to get seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
6. I spilled spot remover on my dog and now he’s gone.
7. When we were driving over the border back into the United States, they asked me if I had any firearms. I said what do you need?
8. I went to a place to eat. It said "breakfast at any time." So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
9. I stayed up one night playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
10. I was Caesarean born. Can’t really tell, although whenever I leave a house I go through the window.