confessions

[Shift-4]

19 minutes ago, riffraff said:

I listened to Kanye West for the first time a week ago.  Poker night and somebody played it.

 

hopefully that never happens again.

Gently dab your ears with cotton balls

The bleeding will eventually stop

[diesel_3]

Found out yesterday from my vocational rehabilitation specialist that VAC will not support my choice to obtain my Bachelors to try and become a high school teacher. I sort of had all my eggs in that basket and started to proactively obtain this goal on my own instead of waiting around to see what they want to do with me.

 

My assimilation from military member to civilian has been a nightmare. I have been out since 2011...It is 2018, i'm not getting any younger. Why is it every time I try and figure something out, i'm under qualified, i'm too broken, i'm not mentally stable enough, there is too much stress, etc.

 

This is killing me, it is slowly killing me mentally and physically....This is exactly the problem with the Canadian Government and their veterans, they have rules and standards, monday to friday, somebody is there when I need them. Now I had this meeting on a friday basically telling me I am back at square one, I am 15 years old yet again wondering what I should do. Everything turned on top of it's head again.

 

The worst part about the vocational interview was asking what I have ever accomplished in my life. I almost started crying. I haven't accomplished ANYTHING, I have quit/failed at absolutely everything I have ever done.

 

Now i'm toiling over the computer, some weed, some booze; trying to figure out what the hell I am going to do for the next 30 years. Can I even make it there? I am so jealous of the people who had it all figured out coming out of high school. I never thought University was a good idea, now it's kicking my ass because that's all you need. Used to think I had it all figured out, what an idiot. I should have stayed in and towed the line like a good little soldier.

 

 

[Gurn]

On ‎2018‎-‎04‎-‎21 at 12:43 PM, diesel_3 said:

Found out yesterday from my vocational rehabilitation specialist that VAC will not support my choice to obtain my Bachelors to try and become a high school teacher. I sort of had all my eggs in that basket and started to proactively obtain this goal on my own instead of waiting around to see what they want to do with me.

 

My assimilation from military member to civilian has been a nightmare. I have been out since 2011...It is 2018, i'm not getting any younger. Why is it every time I try and figure something out, i'm under qualified, i'm too broken, i'm not mentally stable enough, there is too much stress, etc.

 

This is killing me, it is slowly killing me mentally and physically....This is exactly the problem with the Canadian Government and their veterans, they have rules and standards, monday to friday, somebody is there when I need them. Now I had this meeting on a friday basically telling me I am back at square one, I am 15 years old yet again wondering what I should do. Everything turned on top of it's head again.

 

The worst part about the vocational interview was asking what I have ever accomplished in my life. I almost started crying. I haven't accomplished ANYTHING, I have quit/failed at absolutely everything I have ever done.

 

Now i'm toiling over the computer, some weed, some booze; trying to figure out what the hell I am going to do for the next 30 years. Can I even make it there? I am so jealous of the people who had it all figured out coming out of high school. I never thought University was a good idea, now it's kicking my ass because that's all you need. Used to think I had it all figured out, what an idiot. I should have stayed in and towed the line like a good little soldier.

 

 

I'm 53 and still trying to figure out what I'm going to do for a living when I grow up. I've been everything from a door to door sales guy in my early 20's, retail clerk, working with mentally/physically handicapped, appliance repair,. Couldn't join the forces or RCMP due to physical deformities, which for my early teen years, was my goal. This leaves out about a dozen other things I gave a try to.

Many people don't have a  ideal job or even an idea of what to do, so please go a little easier on yourself in that regard.

 

"what I have ever accomplished in my life. I almost started crying. I haven't accomplished ANYTHING, I have quit/failed at absolutely everything I have ever done."

 

Try not to  confuse what you have tried to do for a living with what and who you are.

In this forum, you seem to be a decent, not condescending or jerk poster, that is already more than many people can do.

 

 With all your experience, have you thought about becoming a mental health counsellor?

Edited April 24, 2018 by gurn

[c00kies]

I missed out on the whiteout party downtown because my group went with my ex. I don't want to miss out on things, but I also don't like doing things when I know there are people that don't care about me and I don't want to cry. I really want to do things though, and I'm feeling lonelier each day.

[JM_]

2 minutes ago, c00kies said:

I missed out on the whiteout party downtown because my group went with my ex. I don't want to miss out on things, but I also don't like doing things when I know there are people that don't care about me and I don't want to cry. I really want to do things though, and I'm feeling lonelier each day.

did you exclude yourself or did they ask you not to come?

[riffraff]

3 hours ago, diesel_3 said:

Found out yesterday from my vocational rehabilitation specialist that VAC will not support my choice to obtain my Bachelors to try and become a high school teacher. I sort of had all my eggs in that basket and started to proactively obtain this goal on my own instead of waiting around to see what they want to do with me.

 

My assimilation from military member to civilian has been a nightmare. I have been out since 2011...It is 2018, i'm not getting any younger. Why is it every time I try and figure something out, i'm under qualified, i'm too broken, i'm not mentally stable enough, there is too much stress, etc.

 

This is killing me, it is slowly killing me mentally and physically....This is exactly the problem with the Canadian Government and their veterans, they have rules and standards, monday to friday, somebody is there when I need them. Now I had this meeting on a friday basically telling me I am back at square one, I am 15 years old yet again wondering what I should do. Everything turned on top of it's head again.

 

The worst part about the vocational interview was asking what I have ever accomplished in my life. I almost started crying. I haven't accomplished ANYTHING, I have quit/failed at absolutely everything I have ever done.

 

Now i'm toiling over the computer, some weed, some booze; trying to figure out what the hell I am going to do for the next 30 years. Can I even make it there? I am so jealous of the people who had it all figured out coming out of high school. I never thought University was a good idea, now it's kicking my ass because that's all you need. Used to think I had it all figured out, what an idiot. I should have stayed in and towed the line like a good little soldier.

 

 

How old are you?

[c00kies]

1 hour ago, Jimmy McGill said:

did you exclude yourself or did they ask you not to come?

I excluded myself, but at the same time, I did go to a party and she made things extremely awkward and unenjoyable and I was basically left out. I didn't want to go through that again.

[JM_]

2 hours ago, c00kies said:

I excluded myself, but at the same time, I did go to a party and she made things extremely awkward and unenjoyable and I was basically left out. I didn't want to go through that again.

You need to do yourself a huge favour and lighten up on yourself a little. She's not worth you losing fun opportunities or worse meeting new people that are good for you. You're giving her way too much of yourself. If you can find a way to see her as being childish and/or humorous that would really help. Its fully within your power to ignore her as well in a group setting, in fact it would probably really really annoy her if you seemed bored by her antics and didn't let it stop you from seeing your friends. 

[c00kies]

49 minutes ago, Jimmy McGill said:

You need to do yourself a huge favour and lighten up on yourself a little. She's not worth you losing fun opportunities or worse meeting new people that are good for you. You're giving her way too much of yourself. If you can find a way to see her as being childish and/or humorous that would really help. Its fully within your power to ignore her as well in a group setting, in fact it would probably really really annoy her if you seemed bored by her antics and didn't let it stop you from seeing your friends. 

I'll give it a go next time (which might be soon). If it gets awkward I can always leave, so at least there's a backup plan this time (last time there wouldn't have been a way out and I would have been trapped).

[Twilight Sparkle]

confession #776: i've been listening to a LOT of weeb tubes

[diesel_3]

20 hours ago, gurn said:

I'm 53 and still trying to figure out what I'm going to do for a living when I grow up. I've been everything from a door to door sales guy in my early 20's, retail clerk, working with mentally/physically handicapped, appliance repair, and currently a deckhand on the Ferries. Couldn't join the forces or RCMP due to physical deformities, which for my early teen years, was my goal. This leaves out about a dozen other things I gave a try to.

Many people don't have a  ideal job or even an idea of what to do, so please go a little easier on yourself in that regard.

 

"what I have ever accomplished in my life. I almost started crying. I haven't accomplished ANYTHING, I have quit/failed at absolutely everything I have ever done."

 

Try not to  confuse what you have tried to do for a living with what and who you are.

In this forum, you seem to be a decent, not condescending or jerk poster, that is already more than many people can do.

 

 With all your experience, have you thought about becoming a mental health counsellor?

 

Thanks, gurn.

It's more any endeavor I try and start or get interested in, I literally quit or stop doing it after a short amount of time. Sometimes it's because I physically and mentally am not in to it or just lose interest in stuff I used to love to do very easily. 

 

Haha....well like anyone, I have a breaking point of a boiling point to where I go from nice to not so nice...I try not to do that over the internet, though

 

Oh ya, I have thought about working with troubled youth, I coached football and hockey and always had a blast shooting the breeze with the guys and also helping to try make them better people. 

 

Yesterday was an initial rant and i'm still a little confused but I am trying to turn my sights on something else. It will take time.

 

17 hours ago, riffraff said:

How old are you?

32 (I know, I'm not old) it's more I look at the 'careers' I have started and feel like i'm way behind the 'start your career at 20 retire at 60' cookie-cutter career success story and I feel panicked/rushed to figure it out.

[Alflives]

10 minutes ago, diesel_3 said:

 

Thanks, gurn.

It's more any endeavor I try and start or get interested in, I literally quit or stop doing it after a short amount of time. Sometimes it's because I physically and mentally am not in to it or just lose interest in stuff I used to love to do very easily. 

 

Haha....well like anyone, I have a breaking point of a boiling point to where I go from nice to not so nice...I try not to do that over the internet, though

 

Oh ya, I have thought about working with troubled youth, I coached football and hockey and always had a blast shooting the breeze with the guys and also helping to try make them better people. 

 

Yesterday was an initial rant and i'm still a little confused but I am trying to turn my sights on something else. It will take time.

 

32 (I know, I'm not old) it's more I look at the 'careers' I have started and feel like i'm way behind the 'start your career at 20 retire at 60' cookie-cutter career success story and I feel panicked/rushed to figure it out.

@diesel_3

never retire!  

People live their lives with an end goal, which I find sad.  Live each day, and when you’re older (like me) you can say you’ve lived a good life, because it is filled with many good days.

[riffraff]

21 minutes ago, Alflives said:

@diesel_3

never retire!  

People live their lives with an end goal, which I find sad.  Live each day, and when you’re older (like me) you can say you’ve lived a good life, because it is filled with many good days.

This is good stuff.

 

i agree that a life is not defined by a career.  Not to dismiss diesels concerns at all.

 

if I was @diesel_3 I would be immensely proud that I served my country.  You have given more by 32 than most ever will.

 

While I swanned around the globe as free person in my youth, others did not.  

Edited April 22, 2018 by riffraff

[Cramarossa]

I take it personally when people don't return my texts, or "view" my messages but don't respond. It really hurts my feelings.

[Nucksfollower1983]

On ‎4‎/‎21‎/‎2018 at 12:43 PM, diesel_3 said:

Found out yesterday from my vocational rehabilitation specialist that VAC will not support my choice to obtain my Bachelors to try and become a high school teacher. I sort of had all my eggs in that basket and started to proactively obtain this goal on my own instead of waiting around to see what they want to do with me.

 

My assimilation from military member to civilian has been a nightmare. I have been out since 2011...It is 2018, i'm not getting any younger. Why is it every time I try and figure something out, i'm under qualified, i'm too broken, i'm not mentally stable enough, there is too much stress, etc.

 

This is killing me, it is slowly killing me mentally and physically....This is exactly the problem with the Canadian Government and their veterans, they have rules and standards, monday to friday, somebody is there when I need them. Now I had this meeting on a friday basically telling me I am back at square one, I am 15 years old yet again wondering what I should do. Everything turned on top of it's head again.

 

The worst part about the vocational interview was asking what I have ever accomplished in my life. I almost started crying. I haven't accomplished ANYTHING, I have quit/failed at absolutely everything I have ever done.

 

Now i'm toiling over the computer, some weed, some booze; trying to figure out what the hell I am going to do for the next 30 years. Can I even make it there? I am so jealous of the people who had it all figured out coming out of high school. I never thought University was a good idea, now it's kicking my ass because that's all you need. Used to think I had it all figured out, what an idiot. I should have stayed in and towed the line like a good little soldier.

 

 

You ever think about trying a skilled  trade the money can be quite good. I fell ass backward into mine when I was 20 I was working some dead end warehouse job and had no idea what I wanted to do. Might not be the most glamourous thing but when you see people look at your work and say "that looks great" it can be satisfying. It keeps you moving to so you get exercise throughout the day. I would probably still be stuck making 12$ an hour if I didn't fall into it. Can't say I love it everyday but I don't hate it either.

[Coconuts]

2 hours ago, Cramarossa said:

I take it personally when people don't return my texts, or "view" my messages but don't respond. It really hurts my feelings.

I feel you so strongly on this. I hate the "seen" feature, ect. It's the worst on Facebook, I'll be having a conversation or send someone a message and it'll show me they've seen it and either forget about it or choose to nor respond. It's discouraging and why I don't really try talking to people anymore.

[Cramarossa]

18 minutes ago, Coconuts said:

I feel you so strongly on this. I hate the "seen" feature, ect. It's the worst on Facebook, I'll be having a conversation or send someone a message and it'll show me they've seen it and either forget about it or choose to nor respond. It's discouraging and why I don't really try talking to people anymore.

It just makes me feel like an ass. Sucks feeling like you're not even worthy of a response. 

[Coconuts]

6 minutes ago, Cramarossa said:

It just makes me feel like an ass. Sucks feeling like you're not even worthy of a response. 

It makes me feel like a pest. I'll generally carry a conversation so long as the other person continues to respond or unless we say goodbyes or something for the time being? I feel like an idiot if I continually message people or talk to people who just don't respond much.

[AppleJack]

One of my closest friends has a habit of being bossy and a bit of a know of it all. Shes a sweet girl but at times can be very annoying to be around. Its bad enough when she is actually right but she often has no idea what she is talking about and we have to grin and bare it.

 

The lastest example of this is when we were talking about possibly adopting and she proceeded to tell me exactly how the process goes because she just adopted a dog. Um kind of not the same thing at all.... and if it was the same as adopting a beloved pet we would already know cause we adopted one of our cats a few years back. Yet she felt the need to tell me  all about the  actual adoption process  and how it works and was legit giving me tips on how the home study is conducted. I could understand if she knew people who went through the process but she doesnt. Nor has she looked into the possibility herself because she doesnt want kids yet she knows exactly how the process works and how long it takes. We are pretty sure she is basing her home study information from the process she went through adopting her dog once again not the same thing.

The kicker was when she told me we were being hasty because trying for a baby for 3 years and going through reccurent pregnacy loss isnt thinking things through enough . 

Sometimes I want to tell her to just shut up and that she doesnt know what she is talking about but it would create so much drama. So I just grin and bare it.

Edited April 30, 2018 by AppleJack
Spelling mistake

[Salacious Crumb]

12 hours ago, AppleJack said:

One of my closest friends has a habit of being bossy and a bit of a know of it all. Shes a sweet girl but at times can be very annoying to be around. Its bad enough when she is actually right but she often has no idea what she is talking about and we have to grin and bare it.

 

The lastest example of this is when we were talking about possibly adopting and she proceeded to tell me exactly how the process goes because she just adopted a dog. Um kind of not the same thing at all.... and if it was the same as adopting a beloved pet we would already know cause we adopted one of our cats a few years back. Yet she felt the need to tell me  all about the  actual adoption process  and how it works and was legit giving me tips on how the home study is conducted. I could understand if she knew people who went through the process but she doesnt. Nor has she looked into the possibility herself because she doesnt want kids yet she knows exactly how the process works and how long it takes. We are pretty sure she is basing her home study information from the process she went through adopting her dog once again not the same thing.

The kicker was when she told me we were being hasty because trying for a baby for 3 years and going through reccurent pregnacy loss isnt thinking things through enough . 

Sometimes I want to tell her to just shut up and that she doesnt know what she is talking about but it would create so much drama. So I just grin and bare it.

Your restraint is admirable.