confessions

[bishopshodan]

12 hours ago, OldFaithfulCap said:

I worry about the future of Hockey in Canada. When i first starting really following the Canucks in 2002, Canadians were hockey obsessed and incredibly nice to an outsider who was learning about it. Every Canadian i've met in the past 10 years doesn't care about hockey anymore. Maybe its the long drought of Stanley Cup success, maybe its the wins by franchises that will never really care or maybe its related to increased diversity with different sporting interests (though Canadians have always welcomed immigrants) but it makes me wonder if hockey is still going to be number one in Canada in 20 years. 

 

 

 

 

I read that for various reasons that sports veiwership in general is down.. 

 

On thing I have noticed in my personal life is that the people that I would have guessed might be into sports end up babbling on about politics. Seems to consume everything these days. Instead of ranting about the game or a team, these people now rant about some political crap they heard on Facebook etc..

 

[OldFaithfulCap]

34 minutes ago, bishopshodan said:

 

I read that for various reasons that sports veiwership in general is down.. 

 

On thing I have noticed in my personal life is that the people that I would have guessed might be into sports end up babbling on about politics. Seems to consume everything these days. Instead of ranting about the game or a team, these people now rant about some political crap they heard on Facebook etc..

 

Yeah too much politics. I mean it's a minefield which I try to avoid being in the US. I'll be happy that I can ignore normal ads during Jeopardy tomorrow.

[4petesake]

On 11/6/2022 at 7:23 PM, DS4quality said:

Confession time: 

I've recently had to quit cannabis (THC) on doctors orders to for my new medication to work.  I did quit cold turkey, but the side effects  aren't pleasant. I feel like I'm on edge all the time ready to snap (it's been better the last couple days, but lingers). 

But the worst part is that one of the I used cannabis was to limit my dreaming. Now I keep having these dreams about my ex partner who broke up with me 9 years ago, and it took me almost 5 years to get over them now they're haunting my dreams. Even with the sleeping pills I've been described I keep on waking up super sad and exhausted. It makes my days feel long and all of a sudden I'm missing my ex again. 

I moved from Edmonton to Toronto so I wouldn't see them but my dreams have been my worst enemy.

Have the dreams eased up any yet?

It’s ridiculously hard on the nerves without some good sleep. As your body adjusts to the meds and sleeping pills  your anxiety should start to level off. Make sure to keep your doctor up to date as it can take a while to get the level of your meds just right.

[DS4quality]

9 minutes ago, 4petesake said:

Have the dreams eased up any yet?

It’s ridiculously hard on the nerves without some good sleep. As your body adjusts to the meds and sleeping pills  your anxiety should start to level off. Make sure to keep your doctor up to date as it can take a while to get the level of your meds just right.

Thanks for checking on me, it seems if I'm not dreaming I'm struggling to sleep. I have an appointment on Monday with my doctor. A big part of why she wanted me off cannabis was so I could take anxiety medication. She hasn't given me any yet but I'm hoping when we talk next we will be able to sort it out. (Honestly with the war,  America being America and Alberta doing their thing I have been absolutely anxious). I'm hoping that when the dust settles a bit I'll have better sleep habits. 

I really appreciate you checking up! Sometimes I feel like I have too few friends to turn to since moving to Vancouver, but my canucks community is for the most part really good! Cheers

Edited November 9, 2022 by DS4quality

[Ilunga]

On 11/7/2022 at 11:23 AM, AngryElf said:

I'm in a really rough place right now. Be prepared for some oversharing lol

 

I went through most of high school with my first real relationship, and we've still been going strong through our first years of university. We've always been super close, even through our problems but there was never anything more than we could handle. I grew up with her, and we really started to think about our next steps like moving in together, etc.. A little over a year ago, both of her remaining grandparents (who she was very close with) got cancer around the same time, and passed away three weeks apart. It was a really rough period for her, but I stuck by and helped her through. This was around thanksgiving last year. On Christmas Day, I was there as she cried after not receiving any calls from them, and I did everything I could to help her get through things. This was right around the time where I was starting to stress out over a major hip surgery I was going to have, keeping me out of competitive sport for over six months. I had to relearn how to walk over the course of the next month, and I was already starting to struggle with my mental health. I had just received a few diagnoses, and was recovering from a nasty bout of COVID while I was trying to stay on top of school around March, which also coincided with one of the now-deceased grandparents' birthdays. 

 

This is when I noticed things began to change. Slowly but surely, she stopped trying to plan things on her own and instead relied on me to make the plans for date nights, etc., without doing much work, if any. She had chalked it up to us having completely full schedules and me having two separate battles with pneumonia, which I believed, but it didn't improve through the summer or into the new semester. In fact, she'd begun to shift more and more away from the woman I fell in love with. Even still, it wasn't sudden at all, so I didn't notice the differences until much later. September is when I finally realized that something had changed. I was now constantly asking myself if she cared, or if I was being stupid because of the lack of physical effort. When asked about it, I was made to feel dumb for even considering something had changed, and I noticed a power shift begin to form. I brought this to her attention, and began making demands to which she said she understood, and promised to work on.

 

Regardless, nothing seemed to change. In fact, it got so much worse. She began to hit me harder and harder when I would make stupid jokes, belittle me in front of our mutual friends, would become visibly angry with me over the smallest things, and take out her anger on external factors onto me. A few weeks ago, I was pulled aside by our mutual friends and told that her behaviour had been toxic at minimum and emotionally, psychologically and physically abusive at worst. They confronted her about it as well, and her first reaction was playing the victim card and thus she was exiled by our group. Since then she's seemed to recognize the gravity of the situation, and has shown real remorse, despite there being growing pains still.

 

All while this is going on, the sports team that I had put all of my free time into has actively gone out of their way to give me less and less of a role, despite proving again and again that I'm ready for an elevated standing. This time last year my coaches started talking about professional avenues, whereas now I can't buy minutes on any of our clubs teams. I'm now at the point where I don't know what to do.  I don't feel safe with someone who I thought with my person, but I don't know what my limit is for a relationship. As I said before, it's my first real one and over the past couple weeks she has shown a real attempt to try and make things better, as we both believe that this is incredibly abnormal behaviour from her. Regardless, I'm seeing serious psychological damage from the past few months such as flinching at sudden movements, feeling lesser around my group of friends, and being scared to make jokes for fear of being belittle despite generally being a happy, joking guy. 

 

Given that I didn't want to spend any excess time thinking, I began spending a lot more time at school, then at work (20-35 hours per week)/exercising, and then I would come home and drink after midnight before getting up at 6am for class. The alcohol went on for a week before I realized I could be forming a dependency, and I haven't touched it since. I'm now in the heart of midterm season, I can't force myself to focus on class or homework, I've skipped lectures and quizzes, I'm not giving a great effort at work, I'm resenting the sport that I live for and wanted to make a career out of because of how I've been treated, and I feel like a fool for not noticing I've been in constant pain this semester. I just want things to go back to how they were and I don't know how to go forwards. I sent a message to my prof today requesting academic concession due to mental health concerns, but I don't know how it'll go over given that I'm not at a point where I feel like I'm going to hurt myself. 

 

I'm just tired. 

We miss you in mafia brother. 

Know that there are people here who really care about you.

[Ilunga]

On 11/7/2022 at 2:23 PM, DS4quality said:

Confession time: 

I've recently had to quit cannabis (THC) on doctors orders to for my new medication to work.  I did quit cold turkey, but the side effects  aren't pleasant. I feel like I'm on edge all the time ready to snap (it's been better the last couple days, but lingers). 

But the worst part is that one of the I used cannabis was to limit my dreaming. Now I keep having these dreams about my ex partner who broke up with me 9 years ago, and it took me almost 5 years to get over them now they're haunting my dreams. Even with the sleeping pills I've been described I keep on waking up super sad and exhausted. It makes my days feel long and all of a sudden I'm missing my ex again. 

I moved from Edmonton to Toronto so I wouldn't see them but my dreams have been my worst enemy.

I had to give up pot after using it for over 40 years in order to get some custody of my son after a very nasty,on her part, break up.

 

I to used it to help me sleep and with anxiety. 

Studies are now coming out that cannabis oil helps a lot with anxiety. 

 

I am on meds for my anxiety and I am not really sure they are helping.

I and some friends who take the medication complain of intense dreams that leave you feeling drained when you wake up. 

 

I have always been of the belief that one makes one's own reality.

As hard as it is, and I do know, you have to tell yourself that is your mind playing tricks with you, and worrying about something will not change the outcome, only make you feel worse. 

I cannot put this advice into practice all the time, however I try as hard as I can to have positive thoughts. 

 

This might sound trite but I always tell myself that there are literally billions of people who would trade places with me.

This does not make my pain less or theirs worse, it just puts my pain into context.

 

[4petesake]

2 minutes ago, Ilunga said:

I had to give up pot after using it for over 40 years in order to get some custody of my son after a very nasty,on her part, break up.

 

I to used it to help me sleep and with anxiety. 

Studies are now coming out that cannabis oil helps a lot with anxiety. 

 

I am on meds for my anxiety and I am not really sure they are helping.

I and some friends who take the medication complain of intense dreams that leave you feeling drained when you wake up. 

 

I have always been of the belief that one makes one's own reality.

As hard as it is, and I do know, you have to tell yourself that is your mind playing tricks with you, and worrying about something will not change the outcome, only make you feel worse. 

I cannot put this advice into practice all the time, however I try as hard as I can to have positive thoughts. 

 

This might sound trite but I always tell myself that there are literally billions of people who would trade places with me.

This does not make my pain less or theirs worse, it just puts my pain into context.

 

Welcome back to you too my friend. I hope life’s pressures are manageable and that you and your son are well!?

[Ilunga]

Just now, 4petesake said:

Welcome back to you too my friend. I hope life’s pressures are manageable and that you and your son are well!?

Thank you my friend.

 

Not really Pete, my son's mental health is spiralling downwards again.

He is seeing a psychologist and a psychiatrist.

He is now on medication and when he spends time with me he sometimes has severe anxiety attacks sometimes and states he is worried his mum might die when he is with me. 

I am very upset that first off he has those thoughts, and second I know where they are coming from.

What sort of parent puts those thoughts in their child's head. 

 

Any way I am trying to stay positive, give him all the love and support I can and be the best dad I can be.

[4petesake]

3 minutes ago, Ilunga said:

Thank you my friend.

 

Not really Pete, my son's mental health is spiralling downwards again.

He is seeing a psychologist and a psychiatrist.

He is now on medication and when he spends time with me he sometimes has severe anxiety attacks sometimes and states he is worried his mum might die when he is with me. 

I am very upset that first off he has those thoughts, and second I know where they are coming from.

What sort of parent puts those thoughts in their child's head. 

 

Any way I am trying to stay positive, give him all the love and support I can and be the best dad I can be.

Oh man I’m so sorry to hear that. What you wouldn’t give to keep you son from suffering, so sad that is not shared by the other half. I feel I know you well enough by now that you are hugging him tightly and often, and doing everything in your power to help him through this. Stay positive and look after yourself, and be his rock that you have always been.

[Ilunga]

1 minute ago, 4petesake said:

Oh man I’m so sorry to hear that. What you wouldn’t give to keep you son from suffering, so sad that is not shared by the other half. I feel I know you well enough by now that you are hugging him tightly and often, and doing everything in your power to help him through this. Stay positive and look after yourself, and be his rock that you have always been.

Thanks my friend. 

 

I thought I knew what pain was.

To see the person you love more than life so upset.

I have always known that pain that is experienced by your mind is the worse however I have never felt like this. 

 

We do cuddle heaps and even at 9 going on ten I still carry him around on my shoulders as I always have since he was very little. 

 

I have had friends who have had the children die, one was just a baby, I will never forget him holding a very small coffin with his son inside. 

I tell myself that things could be a lot worse.

[4petesake]

3 minutes ago, Ilunga said:

Thanks my friend. 

 

I thought I knew what pain was.

To see the person you love more than life so upset.

I have always known that pain that is experienced by your mind is the worse however I have never felt like this. 

 

We do cuddle heaps and even at 9 going on ten I still carry him around on my shoulders as I always have since he was very little. 

 

I have had friends who have had the children die, one was just a baby, I will never forget him holding a very small coffin with his son inside. 

I tell myself that things could be a lot worse.

You are an amazing father!

And a survivor. You have learned and grown from your past as you shared in your video. It’s a hard path but he will get better, on your shoulders no doubt!

 

Be strong but not so strong that you forget to ask for help.

[Lil B From The Pack]

This forum ain't what it used to be. That's my only confession. Maybe it's just that I got older idk.

 

Life is good tho I can't complain.

Edited November 21, 2022 by Lil B From The Pack

[Coconuts]

5 hours ago, Lil B From The Pack said:

This forum ain't what it used to be. That's my only confession. Maybe it's just that I got older idk.

 

Life is good tho I can't complain.

I think I get what you mean, it feels more dead. It felt livelier back during the late 2000's and early 2010's. Back when we were more competitive. It feels like it's slowly tapered off with the team's fortunes. 

[OldFaithfulCap]

On 11/21/2022 at 12:41 AM, Coconuts said:

I think I get what you mean, it feels more dead. It felt livelier back during the late 2000's and early 2010's. Back when we were more competitive. It feels like it's slowly tapered off with the team's fortunes. 

The old white noise was great, i guess it was about 2005 when it got taken out, i think it was to do with it moving under the nhl.com domain so they had to enforce things.

 

Meet a decent amount of people in the 2004/2005 timeframe, wonder how most of them ended up. I'm glad i took a long break from here though 2011 to now.

 

 

 

[brilac]

I confess ~

 

I did a little online shopping.  I told myself earlier today that I was going to buy body wash and then shop my closet.  It started with the Body Shop.  I got what I needed, and instead of shopping my closet, I went to jcrew.com. I bought a pair of jeans, a pink turtleneck with buttons on the side, and a shirt with green flowers.  It was a really  great deal too - $54.10 including shipping!  My closet is getting 3 more items... There will be no more shopping! 

[Coconuts]

I'm so mentally friend nowadays, it's crunch time with university stuff and it's just felt like I'm constantly putting out fires. I've fallen behind on readings because I've had to prioritize projects and papers, I try to catch up but reading is time consuming so I often just end up skimming and going back later to find bits to plunk into papers and projects. There's no satisfaction associated with getting anything done, it's just on to the next thing or trying to catch up on what I had to sacrifice to do the thing. 

 

I love winter, I hate this time of year as a student. I had three assignments due this past weekend on the 27th/28th and I had to get extensions on a couple. I was supposed to go see three metal bands in Vancouver that weekend, I'd bought tickets before I knew about deadlines for anything. I didn't go, I stayed home to work on school. I'm still bummed about it and refuse to talk about it with my brother and two of our good friends, it'd been my plan and I just couldn't make it. 

 

I haven't really been watching games, I haven't had a lot of time. I caught most of tonight's game but as things have ramped up I've been watching less. I'll peek at scores on my phone, watch highlights, pop in for a period or two sometimes, but it's rare for me to watch a full game. I'm so tired, the burnout is real.  

 

Almost winter break, almost at the finish line. It just sucks, a bachelors level semester has been so much harder. I knew it would be but I took on too many classes and didn't realize it til it was too late. 

[OldFaithfulCap]

^ Good for you for getting through it. Way too easy to give up. Try and get some sleep and small breaks at least. 

[brilac]

On 11/24/2022 at 11:55 PM, brilac said:

I confess ~

 

I did a little online shopping.  I told myself earlier today that I was going to buy body wash and then shop my closet.  It started with the Body Shop.  I got what I needed, and instead of shopping my closet, I went to jcrew.com. I bought a pair of jeans, a pink turtleneck with buttons on the side, and a shirt with green flowers.  It was a really  great deal too - $54.10 including shipping!  My closet is getting 3 more items... There will be no more shopping! 

My J Crew order is coming today! I'm so excited  ! Woohoo! 

[brilac]

I confess ~

 

It doesn't look like the Pulp reunion tour is coming to the US or Canada.  Or maybe I mis read it.  Disappointing

 

Another confession ~. I want to learn to dance just like that Jarvis guy! 

[OldFaithfulCap]

I left because the canucks SCF final made me too mad and angry.

 

This current team is depressing me further.

 

I'll see how I go, may need to take a break soon