Alflives Posted April 1, 2018 Share Posted April 1, 2018 @EoH I went through EXACTLY what you’re experiencing. I was totally frustrated with my girlfriend not accepting I can be nice to a hot coworker as just friends. I asked many people for advice. No one could really help. Finally I asked my wife. Try humour Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Industrious1 Posted April 1, 2018 Share Posted April 1, 2018 Seems like the kind of problem that is going to creep up in every major argument you guys have. Women don't forgive and forget easily and this is the kind of issue that will take years and years to resolve if your portrayal of her is accurate. If you love her and want to be with her, then you will just have to deal with it every time it comes up which will be frequent for the next couple years. Unless your relationship is absolutely fantastic in every other way....I wouldn't recommend going this route. Been there done that and the payoff for that type of coddling is non-existent in any sort of quantifiable sense, the prize is just staying with her. It also sets a bad precedent because you will be backing down in so many situations that she will take all kinds of arguments to you because she knows she can play her trump card and win...it will be extremely frustrating. So if you have the patience go for it, if not you will have to accept that your relationship has soured and move on as quickly as you can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweathog Posted April 1, 2018 Share Posted April 1, 2018 I agree with Toews. You shouldn't have gone to dinner with your coworker, especially after your girlfriend made it clear that she has a problem with you spending time with her. IMO your girlfriend being upset about this is not unreasonable. I understand you acted with noble intentions, but if you're serious about a relationship with your girlfriend, then I would put a higher priority on her concerns than with your coworker. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sean Monahan Posted April 1, 2018 Share Posted April 1, 2018 47 minutes ago, Sweathog said: You shouldn't have gone to dinner with your coworker, especially after your girlfriend made it clear that she has a problem with you spending time with her. IMO your girlfriend being upset about this is not unreasonable. I think the real issue is that the girlfriend was out of line to try to place those rules on him anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RUPERTKBD Posted April 1, 2018 Share Posted April 1, 2018 I agree with @b3. and @Cramarossa, the GF seems to have insecurity issues. IF you've sat her down and explained your actions in a reasonable and rational manner and she still wants to be angry, she might not be a keeper. As a former manager in the hospitality industry, I completely understand trying to keep good employees around in a low wage environment. I don't think it's unreasonable to expend extra effort to do so. I might have done things slightly differently, but the fact remains that trust is a very important aspect of a relationship and trying to prolong it in absence of trust is likely going to end badly anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweathog Posted April 1, 2018 Share Posted April 1, 2018 13 minutes ago, Sean Monahan said: I think the real issue is that the girlfriend was out of line to try to place those rules on him anyway. If it was just him helping her out once with the homework, and the girlfriend can't let it go that's one thing. But if she tells him she's uncomfortable with him spending time with the co-worker, and he ends up going to dinner with her anyway, then we can't blame her for freaking out in this circumstance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EoH Posted April 1, 2018 Author Share Posted April 1, 2018 33 minutes ago, Sweathog said: If it was just him helping her out once with the homework, and the girlfriend can't let it go that's one thing. But if she tells him she's uncomfortable with him spending time with the co-worker, and he ends up going to dinner with her anyway, then we can't blame her for freaking out in this circumstance. It wasn’t that she was uncomfortable, she said it was fine. But all of sudden when the day came of the dinner, my co worker called me and she sounded too ‘happy’. So what my girlfriend normally expected to be a ‘depressing’ dinner. She just judged the tone of her voice and thought I was going out just to hang out and socialize with them. When before the dinner or after I forget which. She mentioned to me she didn’t understand why my co worker would come to a guy knowingly he has a girlfriend and such. Like I was suppose to be off limits of some sort for other girls even if they need my help because I just have a girlfriend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweathog Posted April 1, 2018 Share Posted April 1, 2018 3 minutes ago, EoH said: It wasn’t that she was uncomfortable, she said it was fine. But all of sudden when the day came of the dinner, my co worker called me and she sounded too ‘happy’. So what my girlfriend normally expected to be a ‘depressing’ dinner. She just judged the tone of her voice and thought I was going out just to hang out and socialize with them. When before the dinner or after I forget which. She mentioned to me she didn’t understand why my co worker would come to a guy knowingly he has a girlfriend and such. Like I was suppose to be off limits of some sort for other girls even if they need my help because I just have a girlfriend. Oh ok, my mistake. I was under the impression that you went to the dinner despite her objections. If she said she was fine with it then that changes everything. But it does appear to me that she views your coworker as possible competition. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shift-4 Posted April 1, 2018 Share Posted April 1, 2018 Women are nuts It's all you really need to know Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jägermeister Posted April 1, 2018 Share Posted April 1, 2018 If everything actually played out exactly how you've described it... run dude... not worth it. This should not be an issue. If it is, she obviously has some issues that she needs to deal with before she is ready for a relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alflives Posted April 1, 2018 Share Posted April 1, 2018 1 hour ago, RUPERTKBD said: I agree with @b3. and @Cramarossa, the GF seems to have insecurity issues. IF you've sat her down and explained your actions in a reasonable and rational manner and she still wants to be angry, she might not be a keeper. As a former manager in the hospitality industry, I completely understand trying to keep good employees around in a low wage environment. I don't think it's unreasonable to expend extra effort to do so. I might have done things slightly differently, but the fact remains that trust is a very important aspect of a relationship and trying to prolong it in absence of trust is likely going to end badly anyway. When it comes to issues of love? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coastal.view Posted April 1, 2018 Share Posted April 1, 2018 13 hours ago, EoH said: So first of all let me start by saying That I run out of ideas and probably a bit desperate for some answers and although this forum isn’t the best place to ask, I do want some non-biased answers. So so let me start off by saying I been dating this girl for almost a year. The problem arises when I decided to go out it my way to help another girl with her homework (mainly summarizing and making a PowerPoint because I was good at it). I think it’s also important to note that. I met this girl after meeting my girlfriend and I’m her manager. My reasons to help the girl with her homework was as pretty much in the hospitality industry (especially in a ma/pa restaurant) it’s extremely hard to find good workers. I spent around 6 months constantly looking for a decent co worker to fulfil a position that was vacant. I just wanted to help her because 1) PowerPoints are easy for me and she is ESL. 2) I wanted to give her more a reason to stay because I’m going to face it the wages in the industry is quite low and I just wanted to give her more of a reason to stay because she is also a decent co worker. Then my girlfriend got mad at me because I went out of my way to help her with her homework for a girl that I didn’t even know for that long. Even though I try to justify it by telling her from the points aforementioned she still got pissed off at me. Another reason is the same co worker decided to phone me and cry on the phone to me because her ‘boyfriend’ died in such a horrific/dramatic fashion that it was hard to ignore. So she called me and another co worker (also a girl) to arrange a dinner date and time where we could meet so she could tell us the whole story of what happened. Anyways the day came and she phoned me to tell ask where all of us wanted to eat ( in a happy tone ) and my girlfriend was in the car and took it as a more casual dinner date than a serious one. During the dinner I was having a really hard time not looking at my phone with all the horrible msgs she sent me saying that any girl would mad at their boyfriends for coming to the aid to a ‘b*tch’ and a lot more insincere msgs towards me and my co worker while I was listening to my co workers story. The dinner took around 3 hours because of this and it was really hard to leave the dinner just to go back to my girlfriend because she was ‘mad’ and unhappy. So when I did come back to her after 3 hours, she just wanted to break up with me. To this day even though I felt like I got through the problem, it still bothers her and she regularly calls me out on it. Saying things like after that the relationship isn’t the same and even then she doesn’t understand she’s with me. Now I just keep feeling that I’m always wrong in the relationship and feels like I’m having to watch my every step. i know everyone has a reason to be mad. But I feel as though she can’t accept it from my POV? Thanks for your time. hard to really respond because their is nothing in your post that provides any info at all as to why you are with your gf if your gf is really as insecure or difficult about this as you suggest you must see some very good things in her that keep you with her or you have some real issues too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roger Neilsons Towel Posted April 1, 2018 Share Posted April 1, 2018 Some very good advice in here. Especially from @Cramarossa I don’t know your relationship, so it’s hard for me to judge. However, having been in relationships before that one or the other partner tried to save when it seemed impossible, it usually is. Instead of dragging this out longer than necessary it may be time to just mutually go your seperate ways. It may hurt in the short term but in the long term you will probably both be happier. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roger Neilsons Towel Posted April 1, 2018 Share Posted April 1, 2018 4 hours ago, Jimmy McGill said: Immature, jealous and not sure if she's committed to you.... is that what you'd want for the rest of your life? This. So much this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RUPERTKBD Posted April 1, 2018 Share Posted April 1, 2018 49 minutes ago, Alflives said: When it comes to issues of love? I don't see the two as mutually exclusive...YMMV... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alflives Posted April 1, 2018 Share Posted April 1, 2018 2 minutes ago, RUPERTKBD said: I don't see the two as mutually exclusive...YMMV... “YMMV”? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BananaMash Posted April 1, 2018 Share Posted April 1, 2018 Just now, Alflives said: “YMMV”? Your mileage may vary. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RUPERTKBD Posted April 1, 2018 Share Posted April 1, 2018 45 minutes ago, coastal.view said: hard to really respond because their is nothing in your post that provides any info at all as to why you are with your gf if your gf is really as insecure or difficult about this as you suggest you must see some very good things in her that keep you with her or you have some real issues too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EoH Posted April 1, 2018 Author Share Posted April 1, 2018 53 minutes ago, coastal.view said: hard to really respond because their is nothing in your post that provides any info at all as to why you are with your gf if your gf is really as insecure or difficult about this as you suggest you must see some very good things in her that keep you with her or you have some real issues too Well the thing is I feel as though she’s different. She’s probably one if not the very few girls that tends to get along with my family really well. I’m also attracted to her because as I grew older I tend to like girls more because of the ability to be a good wife or a good mother for my future kids. Although when things are good it’s great, however I feel as though me being really socialable is starting to become more of an issue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coastal.view Posted April 1, 2018 Share Posted April 1, 2018 8 minutes ago, EoH said: Well the thing is I feel as though she’s different. She’s probably one if not the very few girls that tends to get along with my family really well. I’m also attracted to her because as I grew older I tend to like girls more because of the ability to be a good wife or a good mother for my future kids. Although when things are good it’s great, however I feel as though me being really socialable is starting to become more of an issue. why was she not invited along for these sociable events ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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