Dealing with Depression and Other Mental Illnesses

[Ilunga]

I shared the bad, now I will share the good. After over 9 months of not seeing the person I love the most, my 5 year old son, I will be seeing him next friday. Over all I have had a great life punctuated by moments of great pain but next friday will be the happiest day of my life.

[Nuxfanabroad]

On ‎2018‎年‎9‎月‎6‎日 at 6:54 AM, kloubek said:

 

 

It's an understandable point, but one from the perspective of somebody who hasn't had depression, because (no offense) you obviously don't understand it.

 

I do.  In fact, I've had it for most of my live since a teen and there have only been relatively brief periods over the last three decades where I actually feel normal.  I haven't felt even more than half an hour of being "normal" for probably about 6 years straight. 

 

Depression isn't being upset that you lost your dog or you are in severe debt.  Those are reactions to unfortunate circumstances.  You might feel depressed, but that's a normal human emotion to have. Just like being sad about something. But imagine having that feeling for weeks.  Months.  Years.  Decades.  It's knowing that when everything around you is awesome, you are still going to feel like crap.  It's not getting any enjoyment out of life - at least for the most part. It's existing, instead of living. It no longer is a reaction, but instead just becomes a part of who you are.  THAT is depression.  I could win a million dollars today and although there would be some level of excitement as a result, never would I think it would make me happier.  Honestly, that simply isn't possible.  I could have everything I've ever dreamed of both physically and emotionally, and I would still have a grey cloud over my head every.  Single.  Day.  As it stands, my life is pretty good.  I have a good paying job, a wife, a healthy 5 year old son, a loyal dog, a nice luxury house and I drive a Jag. And how much of that brings a smile to my face?  Virtually none of it.  

 

So believe me - there is actually a great distinction between what I experience, and what somebody who just got broken up with feels. One is a sense of loss or feeling upset about _________.  You can place it.  You understand it.  The other is simply being unhappy about living.  Being unhappy having to drag myself through yet another day of unyielding emptiness.  It doesn't follow logic and it doesn't make sense to those unfamiliar with how depression feels.  

 

Now of course, depressed people experience unfortunate circumstances as well.  And that only drags them deeper into the depression and makes it that much harder to get out of it.

 

Note that I want to address the fact that what I just wrote is about typical "uni-polar" depression. Such depression that has gone on for years or decades like mine can be called "Dysthymia", although Dysthymia is often interpreted to only account for those with chronic mild depression so the term isn't concrete.  There are also those with Bi-Polar or Manic-Depression, which combines the deep lows with feelings of highs and frenetic feeling which presents itself more like a roller coaster ride than uni-polar depression.  These people may seem more than happy at times and you could never believe they had depression but their lows are often really, really deep lows.

 

I feel there is still a lot of misinformation and misconceptions about depression in general, and while I am glad there is more light put on it and it is a bit more acceptable to talk about now, I am not sure there is a heck of a lot more understanding by those who have never experienced it. I implore everyone to take an hour and read up on it because the concept is really quite fascinating.  The fact that the human mind could cause one to experience such negativity even in light of so much good in one's life is truly astounding.  It's almost like taking an drug and having a mild bad trip.  You KNOW what you are feeling doesn't have a basis in reality but there isn't anything you can do about it.  But at least with a drug you know it will eventually wear off; like I said, with enough time, sometimes depression can be come all-consuming.

With this topic brought up, I'd also like to offer my opinions/experiences to anyone who wishes to know more about depression in any context.  My only request is that any discussion remain respectful and asked with an open mind.

Sorry for the delay, with responding. You're right in that I don't understand much of this topic. Human nature(within what we might call "healthy individuals") is even hard to understand, at the best of times.

 

I appreciate your trying to shed light on the wide range(spectrum) of the disease/affliction.

 

I'm just a fairly curious layman on such matters. Within my own family, there's been a host of mental health issues.(addictions, suicides..it's been a hard road) I've referred to some episodes in past posts, & don't want to get to deep into it today. In short, it was a fairly large factor in motivating me to leave Vancouver for a new start in Asia.

 

With such clinical cases you've named, I'm sure the medical community is essential. Whether big Pharma has moved into that realm, trying to exploit the masses?..well, I've heard things like this, but don't have enough knowledge to assert any strong views here.

 

Thanks again for opening up & trying to inform CDC'ers of the dangers, Kloubek. Good luck & health, to you & yours.

[Fan since 82]

1 hour ago, Ilunga said:

I shared the bad, now I will share the good. After over 9 months of not seeing the person I love the most, my 5 year old son, I will be seeing him next friday. Over all I have had a great life punctuated by moments of great pain but next friday will be the happiest day of my life.

Awesome news. Hope the visit is everything you hope for!

[Ilunga]

20 minutes ago, Fan since 82 said:

Awesome news. Hope the visit is everything you hope for!

Cheers brother, my friends have been concerned about how i will take it if he is reluctant to rebond quickly after so long. I was concerned that my ex might have influenced him in some way, however I do believe in her heart she know he needs his dad in his life, she knows I love him with all my heart. He cannot have forgotten all the things we did together and the love I gave him. After the court case a couple of weeks ago my lawyer stated, in twenty years of family law, a child that age even if the parents are the most proverbial people kids love their parents. Small steps. I believe it will all work out. Thanks again for the kind words.

[kloubek]

2 hours ago, Nuxfanabroad said:

Sorry for the delay, with responding. You're right in that I don't understand much of this topic. Human nature(within what we might call "healthy individuals") is even hard to understand, at the best of times.

 

I appreciate your trying to shed light on the wide range(spectrum) of the disease/affliction.

 

I'm just a fairly curious layman on such matters. Within my own family, there's been a host of mental health issues.(addictions, suicides..it's been a hard road) I've referred to some episodes in past posts, & don't want to get to deep into it today. In short, it was a fairly large factor in motivating me to leave Vancouver for a new start in Asia.

 

With such clinical cases you've named, I'm sure the medical community is essential. Whether big Pharma has moved into that realm, trying to exploit the masses?..well, I've heard things like this, but don't have enough knowledge to assert any strong views here.

 

Thanks again for opening up & trying to inform CDC'ers of the dangers, Kloubek. Good luck & health, to you & yours.

Thanks for your reply - I was looking forward to it.  I hope the chaos is settling down out there and everyone is ok. I'm further glad (hope?) I didn't come across like having my nose in the air.  If I could know nothing about mental health issues, I'd be a far better man for it.

 

Not much to comment back, although I'm sure big pharma has been making a killing and is needlessly pushing their product.  Doctors do tend to hand out the meds pretty quickly, and I think that in some cases people would be better off not dipping into the drugs without exploring other avenues of treatment first.  Nobody wants to be put on a regimen for what may essentially be the rest of their life.  But for many it is a required piece of the puzzle to try to be a functioning, productive member of society. The drug companies are making tons of money on this, but price gouging is really nothing new to them.  At least the prices aren't so outrageous that they aren't covered by medical benefits.

On a side note, I am curious what impact legalizing weed may play in all of this.  Although studies have not been conclusive enough, I believe we may see marijuana be used as a treatment going forward. I would certainly be more willing to be on a natural oil for the rest of my life rather than synthetic chemicals.

I appreciate the well wishes, and am happy (?) to try to educate people.

[kloubek]

4 hours ago, Ilunga said:

I shared the bad, now I will share the good. After over 9 months of not seeing the person I love the most, my 5 year old son, I will be seeing him next friday. Over all I have had a great life punctuated by moments of great pain but next friday will be the happiest day of my life.

Man, this actually brings a tear to my eye for you - partially because I can relate with a 5 year old son of my own, and partially because your emotions come through in your posts about it. I can't imagine how hard it has been not seeing him for so long, and how amazing it will be to see him again. Enjoy.

[Rob_Zepp]

7 hours ago, Ilunga said:

I have a lot of respect for people who volunteer. I worked with handicap skiers during my time doing seasons at Mt Hotham, it was very rewarding and inspiring. I taught this 65 year old man who had never skied until his car accident and was legally blind. It inspired me , if he could do what he did , I who was able bodied and had use of all my senses should be able to achieve a lot.

I get more out of a kid who is clearly a non-athlete and will never play above a house team but loves the game than some gifted athlete that has star potential.    I also, when working for kids, love the pride supportive parents exude when their less than star player comes off the ice with a beaming smile because he actually made a save in the game.

[189lb enforcers?]

4 hours ago, Ilunga said:

Cheers brother, my friends have been concerned about how i will take it if he is reluctant to rebond quickly after so long. I was concerned that my ex might have influenced him in some way, however I do believe in her heart she know he needs his dad in his life, she knows I love him with all my heart. He cannot have forgotten all the things we did together and the love I gave him. After the court case a couple of weeks ago my lawyer stated, in twenty years of family law, a child that age even if the parents are the most proverbial people kids love their parents. Small steps. I believe it will all work out. Thanks again for the kind words.

It’s cliche to say, but just be yourself.

That is your boy, your everything, and if you let it, nature will do it’s part to repair the bond you have with him.

 

If you let those cancerous thoughts of self-doubt eat away at your perceptions it will manifest as that awkward encounter experience that must be in the back of your mind.

 

Our systems kick the snot out of dads, almost as much as dad’s do themselves when the family unit breaks down. It weighs on fathers in ways that I don’t care to write here. I hope you are able to make room for yourself amongst the change and be the father you were before, if not an improvement on that man, by blocking out those circular thoughts of worry and doubt. 

 

This business with your son is your rightful domain; you’ll be in your element, I promise you this. I’m excited for you. 

 

Embrace your fabulous masculinity and be a dad, not anything else and you’ll get that kid’s love back. Anything resembling a wounded victim won’t help your case. 

[Ilunga]

5 hours ago, kloubek said:

Man, this actually brings a tear to my eye for you - partially because I can relate with a 5 year old son of my own, and partially because your emotions come through in your posts about it. I can't imagine how hard it has been not seeing him for so long, and how amazing it will be to see him again. Enjoy.

Thanks brother. The way people have responded on my return to this forum has really touched my heart. I am so very lucky both here and in real life to have people who care about me. All the best my friend.

[Ilunga]

2 hours ago, Rob_Zepp said:

I get more out of a kid who is clearly a non-athlete and will never play above a house team but loves the game than some gifted athlete that has star potential.    I also, when working for kids, love the pride supportive parents exude when their less than star player comes off the ice with a beaming smile because he actually made a save in the game.

Right on brother. Our bodies are " wired" to help others. I know i keep quoting Mike Burkett but I totally believe he is a wise person. On his last record last ditch effort ,there is a song called oxymoronic, it is about the opioid drug problem in the states. In an interview and when asked about that song he relates this anecdote , he was riding his bike home when he saw this old man sitting in the gutter crying. He stopped talked to him/comforted him found out he was homeless and gave him all the money he had on him. As he rode off he said he felt really good. That is when he realised human beings are built to help others. We seem to have forgotten that in today's world.Me , I grow flowers , I give them to my nieghbours, I visit some old people in a retirement home nearby bring them flowers have a cup of tea and a chat. When i was still with my son we used to ride electric quads and bikes together on the walking paths near our home.Sometimes we would bring a bunch of flowers with us and give them to people we met. I wanted by my actions to show him  how to be kind and how rewarding it is to show kindness and give to others.

[Ilunga]

2 hours ago, 189lb enforcers? said:

It’s cliche to say, but just be yourself.

That is your boy, your everything, and if you let it, nature will do it’s part to repair the bond you have with him.

 

If you let those cancerous thoughts of self-doubt eat away at your perceptions it will manifest as that awkward encounter experience that must be in the back of your mind.

 

Our systems kick the snot out of dads, almost as much as dad’s do themselves when the family unit breaks down. It weighs on fathers in ways that I don’t care to write here. I hope you are able to make room for yourself amongst the change and be the father you were before, if not an improvement on that man, by blocking out those circular thoughts of worry and doubt. 

 

This business with your son is your rightful domain; you’ll be in your element, I promise you this. I’m excited for you. 

 

Embrace your fabulous masculinity and be a dad, not anything else and you’ll get that kid’s love back. Anything resembling a wounded victim won’t help your case. 

Thanks brother. That is some great advice. I am really happy with the way I  have carried myself through this time. I truly carry no anger in my heart. My ex was so driven to have him. With out that drive he would not exist. I wil be eternally grateful  to her for that and the fact that she  was a really good friend to my mum especially after dad died. I learn from my mistakes. At an earlier point in my life i held onto anger to a person I once loved and when I found a better life I realised I  had to let go of that anger to be  truly happy. I have not made that mistake this time around. I wish I could post links however I am a dueche with computing skills on my phone. My life has been documented several times try plugging in -hhtp://altoeffect.com.au - there are sevaral stories mine is Dave- anger.This forum has some really good people, you are one of them. It has reinforced my idea that even though people may not see eye to eye about certain things they can still care about each other.

[189lb enforcers?]

Never trust a man who doesn’t cry or bleed.

- Zakk Wylde 

[Heretic]

Thought this was a good one to share:

 

 

[Twilight Sparkle]

On 9/6/2018 at 10:06 AM, skategal said:

Kudo's to everyone who has courageously shared their story.  Mine is not that big a deal...

heres where i kinda have an issue with that.

 

one thing that i feel is thats theres no such thing as a small issue or its "not a big deal." like we all handle things in our own way, and when we start comparing "this is what i went through" vs you, we start to lose what makes us human, and i sound like a hippy here, but we're meant to keep ourselves up and not keep each other down. thats just how i feel, and i'm kinda at that point where i feel like im no longer able to feel happiness, or really feel anything, so if i am to feel anything, it would be at least talking to someone who needs it, and if i get a "thanks for the talk" anything, i feel like i'm fulfilling my purpose on this rock

 

i'm not a profit, i'm not claiming to be, but i genuinely want what best for people around me and people i can trust

 

 

[skategal]

Fair comment TS, I didn't mean to imply that anyone's story is lesser than anyone elses.  I just wanted to frame my own experience so that I don't sound like I'm judging anyone.  I haven't experienced anything other than mild depressionlike symptoms so I can't put myself into anyone else's shoes in terms of having any idea what other's experience is like.  

[Twilight Sparkle]

21 hours ago, skategal said:

Fair comment TS, I didn't mean to imply that anyone's story is lesser than anyone elses.  I just wanted to frame my own experience so that I don't sound like I'm judging anyone.  I haven't experienced anything other than mild depressionlike symptoms so I can't put myself into anyone else's shoes in terms of having any idea what other's experience is like.  

no one really can, like i said we all handle things differently. like, even if you feel you experience "mild depression-like" that doesn't mean that someoneone should be like, oh you havent seen or been through the struggle-- we all live it every single day. from the broke college student who lives off of ramen noodles and microwave dinners on a 2 for 1 sale and only get 2 shifts of work a week, or a couple who rents a 2 bdr for 2k+ (2k?? obv not in downtown lmao) and barely living pay cheque to pay cheque, to someone who lost their job, had a someone close die, whatever. if a single hint of depression you feel, should be dealt with because it can easily explode in to something bigger than it should. its like that saying, it takes a spark to start a fire

 

my main post there was, i dont believe in something "lesser than" unless its just like "oh this person at starbucks got my name wrong on my cup, what a horrible day" ok, just dont go to that store anymore. if it bothers you that much, i can understand, we all have **** experiences at starbucks or tims, whatever (that actually happened to me, btw. someone tried comparing having their name spelled wrong, and my baby died two days prior. i don't talk to that person anymore. there is such a thing as too ludicrous. they were well supported for their particular grief). its trivial but if you feel you need to talk about it, ok i'm here. i guess thats the point i was trying to make. like i said before, i'm bad at explaining things xD

[Ilunga]

I saw my son yesterday.

He ran to me jumped into my arms, hugged and said daddy I love you.

I cannot verbalise all the emotions I felt at that moment except to say it was the best moment of my life.

I played with him, he told me things about his life that had happened. 

He was so polite to others,he had remembered lessons I had taught him about being kind,there is so much I could say however the peace in my heart is enough.

I know from what he told me that my ex has his best interests at heart regarding me, that is all that matters

All my life I have battled anxiety and depression. I used to have severe anxiety attacks,blame myself when others  were angry thinking I was the cause of their  anger. It took me years to find some self worth that came from inside myself.My mum and i talked about how my biological mother may have passed her anxieties onto me when I was in her womb. I have learnt that she had a terrible relationship with her husband who was a WW2 veteran, he was also an alcoholic, he beat and abused both her and my siblings,it is no wonder she was anxious and worried.

This last nine months of my life has been the worst period of my life however their have been some very good moments to.The support of the people who love me, the new woman in my life and the realisation that if I can deal with what has happened,there is nothing in life that I cannot find a way to deal with and still stay positive.

It has also taught me to be more patient with others,especially those who do not see the world the way I do.

Thank you Drive By Body Pierce, this thread has been part of my ongoing healing process.

Thank you to all my friends on this forum , you all contribute to my happiness.

To those in this thread that battle with mental health problems there is always hope. Please believe that someday you will find some peace like I have, that you will love and respect who you are.

[Cramarossa]

I keep having people tell me that reaching out, talking about my problems, etc. will make things better but experience has been the exact opposite. The more I open up, the more I am embarrassed, ashamed, alone. 

 

Anyone else experience this? 

[bishopshodan]

Living in the heart of the city, I get more than my fill of people. 

 

I'm not much of a people person, this is my only online account. Even though I check it out daily, I don't post too much.

 

If it's not anger, it's anxiety for me.. probably from the same corrupt files inside. I have battled my whole life, sometimes literally. For a while I fought in whatever sport I could get into and I guess In retrospect, it's no wonder I was a drummer in my band days.  I found some balance with re-finding traditional martial arts in my 30's...there are some great mental tools you can get from that but it's not for everyone. I am fortunate to have a loving family, my sisters have a bunch of degree's and one is a psychologist. My bro however has battled bi-polar in an extreme way for his entire life. So I get a lot of info and advice while also feeling like my issues were always secondary.

 

I stopped looking for help, I have slowed down. I have tried to focus on the path and not the destination. 

 

So thinking about paths and my problem with the busy city. I have taken to getting my dog out deep into Stanley Park and turning my phone off. It has some surprisingly remote trails and you can feel like you're a million miles away.

 

There's something about it, if you can't relate to people right now, go into the woods...breathe deep...then breathe deep again...and know this: You matter.

 

https://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/health-and-fitness/fitness/why-is-walking-in-the-woods-so-good-for-you/article4209703/

 

[Rob_Zepp]

41 minutes ago, Cramarossa said:

I keep having people tell me that reaching out, talking about my problems, etc. will make things better but experience has been the exact opposite. The more I open up, the more I am embarrassed, ashamed, alone. 

 

Anyone else experience this? 

Maybe you are reaching out to the wrong people?   I don't want to pretend I understand what you are going through but any bumps in my own life that I have shared with my friends has always resulted in a supported response that has always helped and reinforced I am not alone no matter how much I try and make my issues just about myself.