Have you ever been betrayed? Tell us about it.

[smokes]

When the Canucks signed Messier, signed Keenan, stripped Linden of the C then traded him. I stopped watching the Canucks for a few years after that.

[Nuxfanabroad]

3 hours ago, Gnarcore said:

I got an ICBC settlement on my 19th birthday. Used some of it to go to Europe including paying for my girlfriend to come along. She was born in Germany to UK parents and then raised in Canada. So she had been to the UK a ton before. She had a little spending money but I was paying for almost everything. After about 3 weeks in England we were in London and I came back from skateboarding to the hotel and found her banging some dude she'd met the year before when there (found that out later..). 

 

They freak out but calm as can be I said stay where you are while I get my things. She was broke by this point so I grabbed all the cash, tickets and such that I had there, gathered my things and went to the front desk and explained the situation. They let me cancel the next two nights with a full refund. I called up and told her she had 15 mins to GTFO of the room and left with my backpack and skateboard.  I was standing there thinking '&^@# this place' and hailed a black cab and asked him the quickest way out of England. Two hours later I was on a boat to France and 4 days later was in Amsterdam. 

 

I spent another 5 months over there and had one of the best times of my life. When I got back I ran into her dad at a gas station. He saw me and just said 'you owe me $1000. I then told him what went down and his only response was 'so she's just like her mother.' Turns out they had to wire her money to cover a room and food for a few days and flight home.

 

She ended up a junkie and a prostitute last I heard....which was unfortunate. 

With all due respect..if you get that low down to one of(prob many) starving(too intelligent, & 'wordy') screenwriters in the movie biz, your flick would go GODZILLA on the floating Titanic..James Cameron would resort to doing porns, etc...

 

Then your JK Rowling-$cale proceed$$$ would cover for a party house, welcoming all CDC'ers(the 1st rule of 'Nucks-Hut, is ya don't talk about...) where we would all happily congregate to watch our guys start an UNPRECEDENTED run of 6 straight Lord Stanleys!

 

...I have such philanthropic, inclusive fantasies, which leave the real world drudgery feeling rather mundane :^(

[Nuxfanabroad]

7 hours ago, Alflives said:

Being so close to your onion being cut like that it must have been hard to hold back the tears.  

There ARE layers to peel away, Alf..one wonders if they got to the root of all this?

[redhdlois]

5 hours ago, nucklehead said:

bought BC Lions tickets because they said they had a CFL team

 

 

Post of the day

 

[Putgolzin]

On 9/1/2019 at 4:41 PM, MystifyNCrucify said:

Boo friggen hoo. 

 

Human nature is survival of the fittest.

 

Dont hate the player, hate the game. We have all been betrayed or dissapointed at some point. 

 

Most of us move on. The best of us learn from it and get even better. 

Even better at what - learning how to play the game better, player?

[Dr. Crossbar]

A few years ago I got caught in the middle of a really dysfunctional family dispute between certain family members.

 

I've always been the family member to never takes sides. I get along with everyone, value that, and work to preserve relationships from a neutral place. 

 

Without getting into specifics, the family dispute forced me into taking a side for the first time in my life. What I learned is that the key issue was orchestrated months earlier to cause maximum hurt and devastation to someone close to me, which I'd be left picking up the pieces. 

 

Prior to the dispute, I laid out the consequences, pleaded with this person for an entire week to not devistate the family, to not do irreparable damage and harm to the family. There were other options and choices. Still, despite all of my efforts, this person chose to tear the family apart.

 

In doing so, it exposed the raw truth of certain family loyalties, the illusion of relationships, and that I was only seen as collateral damage to someone's simmering and seething anger for another family member. My relationship, and love, was being sacrificed to hurt another person I loved.

 

Non family members were leveraged against family with false love like pieces on a chessboard and played by one person.

 

There was nothing I could say to anyone without me looking like I was the villain and the one causing the dispute. It was crazy! That was the worst part, but there was no way I was falling for that trap. 

 

I realized that given the opportinity, this family member would choose hate, hurt, and destroy the family. Even when presented with options for a positive outcome for everyone. Even after years of working to make certain family dynamics the best they could ever be.

 

It devistated me. 

 

Basically, I was forced to confront that certain relationships in my family were nothing more than an illusion. Everything I believed my entire life wasn't true. The loving relationships I thought I had with certain people were all just talk and a facade. 

 

I can hardly put into words the level of betrayal I felt at my core. That year I could barely function. I walked around like a zombie. I analysed the issue every which way possible to not believe what I now knew to be true. 

 

I cut off all contact with that side of my family for two years while I tried to find peace and make sense of it all. The funny thing is, the silence ate at them. They repeatedly tried to blame me for tearing apart the family when it was their doing and their choice alone. They continually lashed out. 

 

I went through every emotion imaginable and every stage of grief possible. The level of betrayal was killing me inside. I needed to do something.

 

That's when I shifted my energy and focus into studying personality disorders. The behavior just wasn't "normal" and there had to be an explanation. I committed to finally, once and for all, putting a face to a name of crazy making behavior I saw my entire life.

 

After a full year of studying personality disorders, I learned a lot about my family and things that never made sense to me. I also learned a lot about myself having grown up in a family with disordered individuals. It began a process with myself to let go of things I could never figure out. The more I understood about certain personality disorders, the more it set me free internally. 

 

Ultimately, anger and hurt transformed into empathy for family members who seemingly didn't have the capacity for empathy. I knew that because of who they are, I would never get an apology. They would never reach out to me and take responsibility. They would only double down on their anger.

 

So, by harbouring any anger or negativity in my life, I was only hurting myself. I eventually realized that I had the power of forgiveness. They didn't. I only had my actions. The act of forgiveness was really easy once I was ready. It took the negativity and hurt away instantly when I chose to do so.

 

So, after two years of silence and pain, I decided to travel back to my family for the sole purpose of telling each person I loved them. They could react to that information any way they wanted - anger, hate, ego, whatever - but it wouldn't change my love for them. And if they questioned the sincereity of that love, well, all I had were my actions. I was there.

 

I understood that because of who they are, they actually needed me to set them free. That was my role. They needed me to start the process of healing because they couldn't.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited September 3, 2019 by Dr. Crossbar
.

[Master 112]

needed surgery and my good friend @Master Radishes fell asleep on the job.

[-DLC-]

On 9/3/2019 at 2:56 PM, Dr. Crossbar said:

A few years ago I got caught in the middle of a really dysfunctional family dispute between certain family members.

 

I've always been the family member to never takes sides. I get along with everyone, value that, and work to preserve relationships from a neutral place. 

 

Without getting into specifics, the family dispute forced me into taking a side for the first time in my life. What I learned is that the key issue was orchestrated months earlier to cause maximum hurt and devastation to someone close to me, which I'd be left picking up the pieces. 

 

Prior to the dispute, I laid out the consequences, pleaded with this person for an entire week to not devistate the family, to not do irreparable damage and harm to the family. There were other options and choices. Still, despite all of my efforts, this person chose to tear the family apart.

 

In doing so, it exposed the raw truth of certain family loyalties, the illusion of relationships, and that I was only seen as collateral damage to someone's simmering and seething anger for another family member. My relationship, and love, was being sacrificed to hurt another person I loved.

 

Non family members were leveraged against family with false love like pieces on a chessboard and played by one person.

 

There was nothing I could say to anyone without me looking like I was the villain and the one causing the dispute. It was crazy! That was the worst part, but there was no way I was falling for that trap. 

 

I realized that given the opportinity, this family member would choose hate, hurt, and destroy the family. Even when presented with options for a positive outcome for everyone. Even after years of working to make certain family dynamics the best they could ever be.

 

It devistated me. 

 

Basically, I was forced to confront that certain relationships in my family were nothing more than an illusion. Everything I believed my entire life wasn't true. The loving relationships I thought I had with certain people were all just talk and a facade. 

 

I can hardly put into words the level of betrayal I felt at my core. That year I could barely function. I walked around like a zombie. I analysed the issue every which way possible to not believe what I now knew to be true. 

 

I cut off all contact with that side of my family for two years while I tried to find peace and make sense of it all. The funny thing is, the silence ate at them. They repeatedly tried to blame me for tearing apart the family when it was their doing and their choice alone. They continually lashed out. 

 

I went through every emotion imaginable and every stage of grief possible. The level of betrayal was killing me inside. I needed to do something.

 

That's when I shifted my energy and focus into studying personality disorders. The behavior just wasn't "normal" and there had to be an explanation. I committed to finally, once and for all, putting a face to a name of crazy making behavior I saw my entire life.

 

After a full year of studying personality disorders, I learned a lot about my family and things that never made sense to me. I also learned a lot about myself having grown up in a family with disordered individuals. It began a process with myself to let go of things I could never figure out. The more I understood about certain personality disorders, the more it set me free internally. 

 

Ultimately, anger and hurt transformed into empathy for family members who seemingly didn't have the capacity for empathy. I knew that because of who they are, I would never get an apology. They would never reach out to me and take responsibility. They would only double down on their anger.

 

So, by harbouring any anger or negativity in my life, I was only hurting myself. I eventually realized that I had the power of forgiveness. They didn't. I only had my actions. The act of forgiveness was really easy once I was ready. It took the negativity and hurt away instantly when I chose to do so.

 

So, after two years of silence and pain, I decided to travel back to my family for the sole purpose of telling each person I loved them. They could react to that information any way they wanted - anger, hate, ego, whatever - but it wouldn't change my love for them. And if they questioned the sincereity of that love, well, all I had were my actions. I was there.

 

I understood that because of who they are, they actually needed me to set them free. That was my role. They needed me to start the process of healing because they couldn't.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wow, that must've been soooo tough!   But good for you for taking a situation that you really couldn't control or change and doing what you could to understand and navigate around it.   That old serenity prayer bit about accepting the things we can't change really rings true.  Not accepting in that we have to tolerate them...just to move past the fight to change them. 

This says a lot about you as a person - much respect.  That you took it upon yourself to learn instead of just dwell there in it all.  To educate yourself and then use the things you learned to address things in the most appropriate manner. 

 

It's rough when we grow up and start seeing  dysfunctional in adults who are close to us - especially when they're closed off and not in a place to even begin to change.  Because awareness is the first step and if someone's barreling through, blind to how their actions are affecting others, it's a runaway train.  So you either have to stay out of the way or get taken out by it.  But it hurts to have to face this stuff and all we can do is try to mitigate the hurt by stopping the bleeding.  Even if it's a tough love thing where we have to walk away.  Survival.

 

The one thing that really stuck with me when I was dealing with something similar was the adage about drinking poison and expecting someone else to die.  That basically, you're just killing yourself by staying in that place of anger, resentment and hostility.  We can't make others do things we want them to but we can control how we respond to their actions.   It's empowering to do so.

 

I hope you do fully heal...you deserve it.

 

 

 

 

[Dr. Crossbar]

On 9/7/2019 at 8:38 PM, debluvscanucks said:

Wow, that must've been soooo tough!   But good for you for taking a situation that you really couldn't control or change and doing what you could to understand and navigate around it.   That old serenity prayer bit about accepting the things we can't change really rings true.  Not accepting in that we have to tolerate them...just to move past the fight to change them. 

This says a lot about you as a person - much respect.  That you took it upon yourself to learn instead of just dwell there in it all.  To educate yourself and then use the things you learned to address things in the most appropriate manner. 

 

It's rough when we grow up and start seeing  dysfunctional in adults who are close to us - especially when they're closed off and not in a place to even begin to change.  Because awareness is the first step and if someone's barreling through, blind to how their actions are affecting others, it's a runaway train.  So you either have to stay out of the way or get taken out by it.  But it hurts to have to face this stuff and all we can do is try to mitigate the hurt by stopping the bleeding.  Even if it's a tough love thing where we have to walk away.  Survival.

 

The one thing that really stuck with me when I was dealing with something similar was the adage about drinking poison and expecting someone else to die.  That basically, you're just killing yourself by staying in that place of anger, resentment and hostility.  We can't make others do things we want them to but we can control how we respond to their actions.   It's empowering to do so.

 

I hope you do fully heal...you deserve it.

 

 

 

 

Thanks very much. I appreciate your perspective. It was a few years ago and there were a lot of positives that came out of such a negative situation.

 

At least it forces you to deal with how things really are rather than an illusion. And I'd rather things be genuine, upfront, and honest - good or bad - than have to pretend or fake a relationship.

 

At the end of the day, looking back, it was inevitable and bound to happen. That's the runaway train. 

 

Although the situation was avoidable in how it was handled, some things in life are simply unavoidable. Especially when it comes to individual relationships and experiences family members have with each other. 

 

So, although it was a deep betrayal, the fact that it was inevitable made me look at it differently. Ultimately it forced me to look at my own role as a peacekeeper, my own expectations, and deal with what I couldn't control. All good stuff in the end. So, I'm grateful for that. 

 

Making someone pay, seeking revenge, etc, only enables the negstive cycle to continue. And ultimately, carrying anger, hostility, resentment does the same thing. 

 

 

 

[nuckin_futz]

Interesting thread. Might as well toss in my $.02.

 

My betrayal involves a sibling. It's more of a betrayal of our mother. Though there's plenty of betrayal to go around. There's 3 of us kids and my mother who is the nicest woman you could ever meet. Unfortunately mother has some mental health issues. Long story short is, Mom and Dad (RIP) managed to do pretty good financially speaking and there's some decent assets to be passed down eventually.

 

All three of us kids have managed to do alright money wise so there is no need for squabbling. Sibling #1 is a bit of a nutter about things. While myself and my other sibling are super chill. Mother has one particular asset (a property) which sibling #1 covets. Mom's will always stated everything gets divided three ways. So this certain property's ownership would be divided 3 ways. Well sibling #1 wasn't down with this plan and lobbied hard to be the sole recipient of this property. My 'chill sibling' and I told #1 we'd gladly sell our share to them at a  premium (we'd never charge more than market value but we really enjoy winding #1 up and pushing their buttons LOL, We find it very entertaining) 

 

#1 freaked out every time this was brought up. And then all of a sudden our efforts to wind #1 up in regards to this issue had zero effect. 'Chill sibling' and I were perplexed, but we figured #1 has done something shady. Back then sibling #1 was the only one of us who had Power of Attorney over our mother. So we figured #1 must have made some arrangement or something to get what they want.

 

Fast forward 7 years and "chill sibling" and I are added as Powers of Attorney over mother. So one day we're talking about this and I remark "you know ma's will is sitting in her safety deposit box at the bank. And as POA's we legally have access". "Chill sibling" grins and replies "Giddy Up" and we're off to the bank to read the will.

 

Just as we suspected. Seven years prior, Sibling #1 took advantage of Ma when she was incapacitated and rewrote her will to #1's specifications in regards to this certain property. Brought a lawyer over to Ma's house and had Ma amend her will. The kicker is Sibling #1 even stuck Ma with the legal bill. We were livid.

 

So 'Chill sibling" and I called #1 out on this and it turned into a sh** show. You'd think when #1 was caught red handed they'd relent and do the right thing. But they just dug their heels in. Chill Sibling and I even had to get our Aunt (ma's sister) involved to read #1 the Riot Act. Our Aunt even said #1 should be tossed as POA due to dereliction of duty.

 

So here we sit 9 months later. The relationship between myself, Chill Sibling and #1 is super strained. I have practically excommunicated #1. We currently only communicate through email. When we had been rather close. Same with Chill sibling and #1. So sooner rather than later we'll have to (with our Aunt's help) get another lawyer involved and have Ma redo her will in accordance with her wishes. You know like how a real will works? Wish me luck.

 

Good times.

 

 

[Nuxfanabroad]

Actually we ALL have been betrayed by lying, corporatist, warring Gov'ts(aided & abetted) by collusive, fawning, misleading & disingenuous MSMedia.

 

& so many sheep are unawares...

[DarthMelvin]

17 hours ago, Nuxfanabroad said:

Actually we ALL have been betrayed by lying, corporatist, warring Gov'ts(aided & abetted) by collusive, fawning, misleading & disingenuous MSMedia.

 

& so many sheep are unawares...

There is always that one guy....

 

[Lancaster]

Was interested in a girl back in college.  When I first saw her, it figuratively felt a bolt of lightning.  I've dated and been in relationship before, but I was head over heels over this girl.  She was a good dresser, attractive, an avid student of pole-dancing, smart, etc.  She probably felt some attraction to me too as we started spending lots of time with each other in class and outside of school a bit.  

When I finally got the nerve to ask her out, she rejected me.... but in a long-winded way.... the typical:

- I'm attracted to you

- but I'm in a pseudo-relationship with a bf overseas and with a roommate who is verbally and mentally abuse

- I don't deserve you, you should get find someone better, etc.

Like a moth drawn to a fire, I didn't heed her warnings.  Her roommate/bf confront me, damaging the door on my car (just a dent)... as much as I wanted to get into a slugging match, she previously told me he was an international student... so instead I just called the cops, since it would royally mess him up even more. 

As the cops investigated, they ask the girl if what I reported happened... she instead said no such thing occurred.  

I was completely flabbergasted.  Not only did she break my heart, she skewered it.  As we were in a condensed program where we are in the same class for 8 hours a day... I found it harder and harder to concentrate.  She kept acting like like nothing happened.  I just eventually dropped out the program (which really screwed me up as it tacked on years to my education).  

 

Sent me into a whirl of depression, which took me years to "recover" (as much as one can recover from depression).  I eventually hooked up with some random chick who had lots of issues... and stayed in a toxic relationship for years.  I mean, I believed I'm a great catch, but I lose out to some abusive guy.... maybe I wasn't as good as I thought I was.  

 

Eventually I learned that no girl (I guess guy too depending on gender and preference) is worth any grief.  If one person isn't good enough, there are literally millions of other people available.  Looking back, I really regretted wasting all that emotional hardship and time on her... especially when I could have easily found many other girls to date.

 

Now, after over a decade... married to a girl that's more attractive and overall better and now with a son... I still feel anger/pain when I think about the whole fiasco.

[Gurn]

On 9/7/2019 at 8:38 PM, debluvscanucks said:

drinking poison and expecting someone else to die. 

That is a brilliant way to put it.

[Gurn]

On 9/11/2019 at 1:30 PM, nuckin_futz said:

So sooner rather than later we'll have to (with our Aunt's help) get another lawyer involved and have Ma redo her will in accordance with her wishes.

Do it today or at latest tomorrow.

Accidents happen and people die.

 

Edit:

Don't want to seem cold hearted, so I'll add. A couple years back Dad was in an accident and damn near died. While his will was good, the power of attorney was non existent and there was no "living will".

He wanted, no demanded, to be taken off life support but  that had not been written down despite previously chats about his wishes. Mom and I were unable to act.

If is not in writing it is worthless.

Major plus side, he got better and is looking forward to many more years.

 

Edited September 13, 2019 by gurn

[Lancaster]

On 9/13/2019 at 12:34 PM, gurn said:

Do it today or at latest tomorrow.

Accidents happen and people die.

 

Edit:

Don't want to seem cold hearted, so I'll add. A couple years back Dad was in an accident and damn near died. While his will was good, the power of attorney was non existent and there was no "living will".

He wanted, no demanded, to be taken off life support but  that had not been written down despite previously chats about his wishes. Mom and I were unable to act.

If is not in writing it is worthless.

Major plus side, he got better and is looking forward to many more years.

 

You should remind him everyday, "Glad we didn't pull the plug on you as you wished, eh?" 

[kingofsurrey]

On 9/16/2019 at 9:42 AM, Lancaster said:

You should remind him everyday, "Glad we didn't pull the plug on you as you wished, eh?" 

Pulled the plug on my dad.  He was on the respirator too long in the ICU...  had to unplug him.....  Said my good byes....

 

Hospital brought in a social worker to help my mom with the grief process of losing your spouse.....

 

The old guy made a comeback and started breathing on his own......  eventually got released back home... Had another 5 years with him even if he not quite the same as before..

 

Sadly lost him last January......  but he was 86 yrs old and had a great life... smoked and drank wine/beer  every evening  and travelled much of the world.....

 

But miracles do happen in medicine.  I would not have believed it if i had not seen it myself....

Edited September 17, 2019 by kingofsurrey

[riffraff]

I’m going to put a positive spin on this thread.  A short story that will hopefully help restore people’s faith in humanity for a little while.  I’ll condense it to keep it brief.

 

I work in a fairly large residential subdivision development. This past March marks two years there.  Suffice to say over this time although not everyone knows names most are familiar faces.  There are various trades from drywallers to blasting technicians.

 

one morning I showed up to my specific site to find my cut station/work bench completely destroyed and in a pile just inside the property.  I had it set up just into the side of the street as it helps to have a flat surface for safety and accuracy.

 

The foreman of the excavation company had gone on a rampage and drove his machine right through it.  He was annoyed because of trades parking in the side of the road which slowed down the dump truck traffic.

 

now for context you have to understand that this guy happens to be well over 6’ and well over 200lbs.  I’m no slouch but no way I’m physically getting into it with him over something like that.  I confronted him (he was still in the machine) and asked him why and what his problem was and he replied with yelling and swearing and drove off.

 

anyway this past year goes by.  I see him.  He sees me.  Nothing happens.  Life goes on.

 

two weeks ago I’m there on a Saturday morning starting my day.  I see him drive towards me.  I don’t think anything of it and go into my trailer to get my tools out.

 

i hear his truck stop and next thing I know he is standing in the doorway of my trailer.

 

he says to me “hey bud I just want to say sorry for last year.  I was going through a divorce and a tough time and was having a $&!#ty morning.  I see you here all the time and I just wanted to say sorry”

 

i couldn't believe it.  I’m 43 and have literally never heard an apology by anyone, anytime, about anything on a job site.  In fact I can count on two fingers how many times I’ve had an apology directed to me as an adult.  People just don’t do this imo. Too much pride/ego.

 

i extended my hand and introduced myself and thanked him wholeheartedly.

 

i don’t doubt that this had been on his soul for months and I hope he felt awesome as he drove away and had a great day.  I’m sure he did.  

 

Well done J.  You’re a real man.

 

 

[kingofsurrey]

5 minutes ago, riffraff said:

I’m going to put a positive spin on this thread.  A short story that will hopefully help restore people’s faith in humanity for a little while.  I’ll condense it to keep it brief.

 

I work in a fairly large residential subdivision development. This past March marks two years there.  Suffice to say over this time although not everyone knows names most are familiar faces.  There are various trades from drywallers to blasting technicians.

 

one morning I showed up to my specific site to find my cut station/work bench completely destroyed and in a pile just inside the property.  I had it set up just into the side of the street as it helps to have a flat surface for safety and accuracy.

 

The foreman of the excavation company had gone on a rampage and drove his machine right through it.  He was annoyed because of trades parking in the side of the road which slowed down the dump truck traffic.

 

now for context you have to understand that this guy happens to be well over 6’ and well over 200lbs.  I’m no slouch but no way I’m physically getting into it with him over something like that.  I confronted him (he was still in the machine) and asked him why and what his problem was and he replied with yelling and swearing and drove off.

 

anyway this past year goes by.  I see him.  He sees me.  Nothing happens.  Life goes on.

 

two weeks ago I’m there on a Saturday morning starting my day.  I see him drive towards me.  I don’t think anything of it and go into my trailer to get my tools out.

 

i hear his truck stop and next thing I know he is standing in the doorway of my trailer.

 

he says to me “hey bud I just want to say sorry for last year.  I was going through a divorce and a tough time and was having a $&!#ty morning.  I see you here all the time and I just wanted to say sorry”

 

i couldn't believe it.  I’m 43 and have literally never heard an apology by anyone, anytime, about anything on a job site.  In fact I can count on two fingers how many times I’ve had an apology directed to me as an adult.  People just don’t do this imo. Too much pride/ego.

 

i extended my hand and introduced myself and thanked him wholeheartedly.

 

i don’t doubt that this had been on his soul for months and I hope he felt awesome as he drove away and had a great day.  I’m sure he did.  

 

Well done J.  You’re a real man.

 

 

Takes a real man to admit you were wrong and apologize.   Good on him.    Good on you for being gracious and letting him apologize with dignity....