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What's your worst ever intrusive thought?


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10 hours ago, Odd. said:

These are all great posts.

 

I was diagnosed with OCD at 18 however I've been able to come to terms with it. I've been pretty good these last couple of years but lately for some reason I've started to get some pretty disturbing intrusive thoughts come around again. I guess this thread was kind of like a reassurance  "does anybody else have these thoughts too" type thing to kind of help me cope with it at the moment.

 

Since I suffer from OCD (Pure-O to be exact), I get a lot more of these intrusive thoughts sometimes terribly terribly disturbing. For some reason my brain thinks a thought is equivalent to the act of actually doing it which causes guilt and shame, especially when you know these thoughts are so irrational and you would never act on them. 

 

The thing that happened yesterday kind of flared up my OCD back and it's been pissing me off, because currently I'm stuck in this loop again.

It's helpful to think of them as "weird urges" or "intrusive thoughts," rather than "impulses." Impulses you act upon, urges and intrusive thoughts you don't.

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16 hours ago, Warhippy said:

L'Appel du vide

The Call of the Void

 

A french term for what you're describing.  For people who look over balconies and have sudden thoughts of jumping.  Or drive and consider swerving in to oncoming traffic.

 

Amazing literature surrounding that thought process

Is that like the rapture of the deep, or the breakaway effect? 

I still love the story of Joe Kittinger was in a balloon to do Air Force research work (Manhigh 1). At an altitude of 96,000 ft. His boss Col. Stapp ordered him to descend. 

He could hear via radio. But had to morse his reply which was. "Come and get me." 

Years later he sort of regretted he sent that message, because the doctors were concerned with the effects of altitude. But he insists that he was only joking. 

It's still a great story. 

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Interesting thread.  I have had only one severely twisted thought and I remember it in full detail even thought it had happened 20 years ago.

 

I was a student (computer college) and the TA (teachers assistant) was trying to explain something to me, I don’t know if it was fatigue or maybe just me being dumb, I just couldn’t figure out what he was trying to teach me.

as he was rambling on, I was eating my dinner at the same time and with my fork and knife in my hands, I turned to him and said “Glen, I don’t mean to scare you and please don’t freak out, but at this very moment, In this very second...... I want to stab you....like.... a lot” 

 

lmao... he literally shifted his chair 5 ft from me. the boy pissed himself.   But it’s true, I had such an urge to stab him... never had that feeling again with anyone.    I laugh whenever I tell this story!  

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I had a few female teachers I was attracted too in high-school. 
 

I purposely chose classes with them in it. Especially one that was a yoga teacher on the side.
 

Safe to say I didn’t do too well in those classes and even tried to get extra help after school. 
 

Also when I was working as a prep cook in a pub out of high school there was this one server, older lady that was in fitnesses competitions on the side and actually won some. I stayed after closing to have a few drinks. She was always kind enough to give me a ride home. 
 

Safe to say I was trying to live up to my username at that time albeit to no avail in those two scenarios.
 

Puberty hit this dog hard. 

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I have BI-polar and before I was diagnosed I would routinely act out on my thoughts instantly when drinking. multiple fights, jumping into fights I wasn't even a part of. Alcohol and bouts of mania mixed was like zero restraint for me. after 5 years of reduced drinking (a couple drinks a month) and regular medicine I haven't been in a fight in years.

 

Even now with medicine I still have intrusive thoughts.  When my depressive state takes over, multiple thoughts of self harm daily. and when my manic state takes over I become compulsive and obsessive and I have a hard time believing any of my Idea's are misguided (i become a  asshole), however 99.9% percent of my thoughts are of pure intentions during this time. the other 0.01% comes when i'm in my car. When  addicts walk inches behind my car when i'm clearly about to backup, in a deserted parking lot where I can't see them. It usually scares me so much, that it anger's me into wishing i hadn't seen them and hit them.

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My intrusive thoughts are wide ranging and too terrible to discuss here. 
 

Some of my tamer thoughts are, would it be so bad if half the population dies of the coronavirus? If an asteroid hit earth where would I wish for it to land? Would it be so bad if a tsunami or earthquake swallowed up/destroyed Richmond?

 

The rest I’ll keep to myself. 

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On 3/13/2021 at 4:01 AM, Odd. said:

These are all great posts.

 

I was diagnosed with OCD at 18 however I've been able to come to terms with it. I've been pretty good these last couple of years but lately for some reason I've started to get some pretty disturbing intrusive thoughts come around again. I guess this thread was kind of like a reassurance  "does anybody else have these thoughts too" type thing to kind of help me cope with it at the moment.

 

Since I suffer from OCD (Pure-O to be exact), I get a lot more of these intrusive thoughts sometimes terribly terribly disturbing. For some reason my brain thinks a thought is equivalent to the act of actually doing it which causes guilt and shame, especially when you know these thoughts are so irrational and you would never act on them. 

 

The thing that happened yesterday kind of flared up my OCD back and it's been pissing me off, because currently I'm stuck in this loop again.

Thank you very much for making the thread and to all that contributed. Some really good stuff here. I have been going through a lot of this stuff lately, I guess a lot of it's related. I was in such a good place but somedays, or weeks I wake up with a feeling something is wrong. I don't know if over-worrying is related to OCD (I worry about everything now) but I definitely think I may be in that situation by the sounds of it.

 

Anyways, I don't get the intrusive thoughts much anymore but sometimes when someone is talking to me, usually fairly helpless in comparison to myself, like a kindly lady selling me flowers, or a teacher, or my boss, it'll just pop into my head ...  what if I just clocked this person right now, that would change everything? No thoughts or worldly process could predict that, and it would be absolutely pointless but yet unpredictable. Maybe it's a feeling of control or survival that our brains are testing out and gets through the decency/common sense/ filter.

 

Who thought running out of hockey stuff to read would be a good thing on CDC?

 

Thanks for sharing!!!

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On 3/17/2021 at 4:43 AM, Sharpshooter said:

My intrusive thoughts are wide ranging and too terrible to discuss here. 
 

Some of my tamer thoughts are, would it be so bad if half the population dies of the coronavirus? If an asteroid hit earth where would I wish for it to land? Would it be so bad if a tsunami or earthquake swallowed up/destroyed Richmond?

 

The rest I’ll keep to myself. 

Best Crazy Friends Quotes ~ Best Quotes and Sayings

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On 3/17/2021 at 12:23 AM, Junkyard Dog said:

I had a few female teachers I was attracted too in high-school. 
 

I purposely chose classes with them in it. Especially one that was a yoga teacher on the side.
 

Safe to say I didn’t do too well in those classes and even tried to get extra help after school. 
 

Also when I was working as a prep cook in a pub out of high school there was this one server, older lady that was in fitnesses competitions on the side and actually won some. I stayed after closing to have a few drinks. She was always kind enough to give me a ride home. 
 

Safe to say I was trying to live up to my username at that time albeit to no avail in those two scenarios.
 

Puberty hit this dog hard. 

Man you should have reached out to the master at this, President Macron. The guy is a legend in this field. 

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