What's your worst ever intrusive thought?

[buddhahoodlum]

1 hour ago, Warhippy said:

Literally hundreds of times.

 

most recently the other day.  large ignorant woman at park with yapping dog.  on her phone.  tiny dog yapping away.  Dog proceeds to drop a deuce.  Woman gets up and simply moves benches.  Leaves dog poop there instead of picking it up.

 

Thought, wouldn't it be nice to grab that yapping pom, use it to wipe up that mess and then swing it around on that leash like a bolos and launch it at her face at speed.

 

I think I might be seriously disturbed

You probably are. It's not the dog's fault it was poorly trained.  As for the woman, I'd happily hold her down while you work her over

[Nave]

I get intrusive thoughts all the time.

 

I'm technically schizophrenic, but I haven't had positive symptoms (ie. delusions) in years. I'm on the lowest possible dose for the medication I'm on (olanzapine). A lot of people don't realize that a diagnosis of schizophrenia isn't based on severity, but duration. Having symptoms within 6 weeks is a 'brief psychotic episode'; having an episode that lasts under 6 months is 'schizophreniform disorder'; and having symptoms over 6 months is 'schizophrenia'. Because I had my apparent relapse 2 years after my first episode, I've been diagnosed schizophrenic, even though I've only had positive symptoms for a few weeks of my life.

 

It's perfectly normal to have intrusive thoughts, but those that suffer from mental illness may have them more frequently. One reason I really like Eminem, is that I feel like he takes intrusive thoughts, and makes them into something violently beautiful. It's telling that he's diagnosed himself with OCD.

 

The most common intrusive thoughts I have are of hitting people when they are least suspecting it. When I'm walking behind them and stuff like that. Although I would never actually act on them.

[LionofJudah]

23 minutes ago, NaveJoseph said:

I get intrusive thoughts all the time.

 

I'm technically schizophrenic, but I haven't had positive symptoms (ie. delusions) in years. I'm on the lowest possible dose for the medication I'm on (olanzapine). A lot of people don't realize that a diagnosis of schizophrenia isn't based on severity, but duration. Having symptoms within 6 weeks is a 'brief psychotic episode'; having an episode that lasts under 6 months is 'schizophreniform disorder'; and having symptoms over 6 months is 'schizophrenia'. Because I had my apparent relapse 2 years after my first episode, I've been diagnosed schizophrenic, even though I've only had positive symptoms for a few weeks of my life.

 

It's perfectly normal to have intrusive thoughts, but those that suffer from mental illness may have them more frequently. One reason I really like Eminem, is that I feel like he takes intrusive thoughts, and makes them into something violently beautiful. It's telling that he's diagnosed himself with OCD.

 

The most common intrusive thoughts I have are of hitting people when they are least suspecting it. When I'm walking behind them and stuff like that. Although I would never actually act on them.

Was about to come on here and mention the connection to OCD and those exact types of intrusive thoughts the OP mentions. 

 

People often just assume OCD to mean you want order and cleanliness. But it is all sorts of horrific intrusive thoughts that tend to replay over and over like a mantra and if they scare the crap out of you its a good sign. 

(Also a fan of Eminem for his ability to turn it to creative art)

[Nave]

3 minutes ago, LionofJudah said:

Was about to come on here and mention the connection to OCD and those exact types of intrusive thoughts the OP mentions. 

 

People often just assume OCD to mean you want order and cleanliness. But it is all sorts of horrific intrusive thoughts that tend to replay over and over like a mantra and if they scare the crap out of you its a good sign. 

(Also a fan of Eminem for his ability to turn it to creative art)

Yeah it's Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. There's a reason "Obsessive" comes first: Compulsions usually start off a way to ward off bad thoughts or obsessions. It's like a feedback loop. However, sometimes the compulsions are actually the worst part because some people with OCD will literally wash their hands until they bleed. People just think of it as perfectionism, but that's a gross oversimplification. 

 

My psychiatrist definitely considered diagnosing me with OCD (I studied Psychology so I picked up on it right away), but she decided that I really only had one obsession--a monomania so to speak--and it kind of has to be obsession(s) plural. However, I definitely do have some compulsions like always doublechecking if I turned the tap off. 

[LionofJudah]

3 minutes ago, NaveJoseph said:

Yeah it's Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. There's a reason "Obsessive" comes first: Compulsions usually start off a way to ward off bad thoughts or obsessions. It's like a feedback loop. However, sometimes the compulsions are actually the worst part because some people with OCD will literally wash their hands until they bleed. People just think of it as perfectionism, but that's a gross oversimplification. 

 

My psychiatrist definitely considered diagnosing me with OCD (I studied Psychology so I picked up on it right away), but she decided that I really only had one obsession--a monomania so to speak--and it kind of has to be obsession(s) plural. However, I definitely do have some compulsions like always doublechecking if I turned the tap off. 

I find psychology extremely interesting and read about it just for fun. I believe it stems from my childhood traumas. I want/need to know why my brain works the way it does. Why others brains make them do horrible things. 

 

I get intrusive thoughts in the form of a word repeating over and over. Like one would get a song "stuck in their head". It can be anything and It's extremely annoying. I also can not help but count when doing things like washing my hands or hair, when filling up a cup of water. 

[Lancaster]

I've wondered about this often... I'm glad that many others have had similar thoughts as me.  

[Hamhuis Hip Check]

Ive had a few times driving around cameron lake on the island wondering how bad it would actually be if i drove in and didnt get out

[Nave]

2 minutes ago, LionofJudah said:

I find psychology extremely interesting and read about it just for fun. I believe it stems from my childhood traumas. I want/need to know why my brain works the way it does. Why others brains make them do horrible things. 

 

I get intrusive thoughts in the form of a word repeating over and over. Like one would get a song "stuck in their head". It can be anything and It's extremely annoying. I also can not help but count when doing things like washing my hands or hair, when filling up a cup of water. 

Yeah although I've kind of given up on pursuing a career in Psychology, I'm glad I studied it. Don't look at that Bachelor's Degree as a waste of time. I'm actually very lucky to know so much about Psychology, because I met some people who had psychosis around the same time as I did, and many of them were 18 year olds who had no idea that psychosis was a real thing--they thought it was just something you saw in movies. Took them a long time to accept medication, whereas I accepted it right away.

 

I get ear worms too. Not so much a single word, but a phrase. That's actually what kind of encapsulated my relapse. 

 

I was in Cuba with my dad on the two year anniversary of being voluntarily committed to a psychiatric ward. It was literally to the day. We were talking about the beauty of words in oral poetry (I was reading The Iliad). He pointed out that if you stress different words in a sentence it can have different meanings, and gave an example: "HE said, 'I never saw him take the money.' He SAID, 'I never saw him take the money.' He said, 'I never saw him take the money.' He said, 'I NEVER saw him take the money.'" So on, and so forth. I commented that I thought that's quite interesting. Then, I thought about how he just exchanged Cuban money to get Canadian money since we were going back to Vancouver, and thought there must be some connection. Then a full blown ear worm ensued, and I thought of that phrase repeatedly, stressing a different word each time. I had a really bad panic attack, and we had to leave the restaurant.

I guess you could say that was my worst intrusive thought.

 

I realized in that moment that I may have not had insight about thinking delusionally about a movie being made about me. I thought it was my own warped sense of humour, and not my psychosis creeping back in. So, I was put back on medication, and my diagnosis was changed from 'brief psychotic episode' to 'schizophrenic.'

[4petesake]

I’m not so sure that intrusive thoughts are like Hippy’s internal reaction to the ignorant lady with the dog or the road rage thoughts of others. Those seem reactive to me.  I will occasionally have a thought which is almost totally opposite to how I normally think. Sort of seems like an evil side that flashes through the brain. The kind of thought that makes you think “whoa, where the hell did that come from?” 
 

I had a friend that had to quit operating power tools like a saw because he was overwhelmed by the idea that a tinny move would put his finger into the blade. He described it as “the blade pulling at his finger.”

[LionofJudah]

12 minutes ago, NaveJoseph said:

Yeah although I've kind of given up on pursuing a career in Psychology, I'm glad I studied it. Don't look at that Bachelor's Degree as a waste of time. I'm actually very lucky to know so much about Psychology, because I met some people who had psychosis around the same time as I did, and many of them were 18 year olds who had no idea that psychosis was a real thing--they thought it was just something you saw in movies. Took them a long time to accept medication, whereas I accepted it right away.

 

I get ear worms too. Not so much a single word, but a phrase. That's actually what kind of encapsulated my relapse. 

 

I was in Cuba with my dad on the two year anniversary of being voluntarily committed to a psychiatric ward. It was literally to the day. We were talking about the beauty of words in oral poetry (I was reading The Iliad). He pointed out that if you stress different words in a sentence it can have different meanings, and gave an example: "HE said, 'I never saw him take the money.' He SAID, 'I never saw him take the money.' He said, 'I never saw him take the money.' He said, 'I NEVER saw him take the money.'" So on, and so forth. I commented that I thought that's quite interesting. Then, I thought about how he just exchanged Cuban money to get Canadian money since we were going back to Vancouver, and thought there must be some connection. Then a full blown ear worm ensued, and I thought of that phrase repeatedly, stressing a different word each time. I had a really bad panic attack, and we had to leave the restaurant.

I guess you could say that was my worst intrusive thought.

 

I realized in that moment that I may have not had insight about thinking delusionally about a movie being made about me. I thought it was my own warped sense of humour, and not my psychosis creeping back in. So, I was put back on medication, and my diagnosis was changed from 'brief psychotic episode' to 'schizophrenic.'

I've heard that sentence before somewhere. The one your dad gave an example of. It's intriguing the way English works (Maybe other languages as well? I dont know any though so my ignorance is showing).

 

I would take intrusive thoughts over a panic attack literally every day of the week. Unfortunately they sometimes go hand in hand. 

 

When it comes to my worst intrusive thoughts however.. they come in the form of a flashback. Not quite the same thing, I'm aware. 

[LionofJudah]

18 minutes ago, 4petesake said:

I’m not so sure that intrusive thoughts are like Hippy’s internal reaction to the ignorant lady with the dog or the road rage thoughts of others. Those seem reactive to me.  I will occasionally have a thought which is almost totally opposite to how I normally think. Sort of seems like an evil side that flashes through the brain. The kind of thought that makes you think “whoa, where the hell did that come from?” 
 

I had a friend that had to quit operating power tools like a saw because he was overwhelmed by the idea that a tinny move would put his finger into the blade. He described it as “the blade pulling at his finger.”

I suppose the word "intrusive" could have a different meaning to whoever is feeling the thoughts. If they feel intrusive to you then surely it is an intrusive thought, no?

 

I get those type thoughts that your friend described. If im standing to close to the edge of a cliff or a steep drop. The "pull to move closer" is so strong that I tend to avoid ever getting near enough to the edge. It causes panic and fear. However I am not afraid of heights. 

[Odd.]

These are all great posts.

 

I was diagnosed with OCD at 18 however I've been able to come to terms with it. I've been pretty good these last couple of years but lately for some reason I've started to get some pretty disturbing intrusive thoughts come around again. I guess this thread was kind of like a reassurance  "does anybody else have these thoughts too" type thing to kind of help me cope with it at the moment.

 

Since I suffer from OCD (Pure-O to be exact), I get a lot more of these intrusive thoughts sometimes terribly terribly disturbing. For some reason my brain thinks a thought is equivalent to the act of actually doing it which causes guilt and shame, especially when you know these thoughts are so irrational and you would never act on them. 

 

The thing that happened yesterday kind of flared up my OCD back and it's been pissing me off, because currently I'm stuck in this loop again.

Edited March 13, 2021 by Odd.

[Jack Fig]

If one had intrusive thoughts about wanting to smack a liberal dozens of times per day, would they still be considered intrusive ... or just one's normal operating procedure? 

[Warhippy]

8 hours ago, buddhahoodlum said:

You probably are. It's not the dog's fault it was poorly trained.  As for the woman, I'd happily hold her down while you work her over

 

Ok deal

 

I've sadly had dozens of weird thoughts like that over the years.  Especially living on the beach.

 

One I've had involved drunken Albertans making slobs of themselves ignoring their kids splashing around who obviously weren't old enough to swim.  What if this kid just wanders out 2 more feet?  Would they notice?  Would I even get up?  I hope you choke on that chicken you're throwing on the sand next to your Pike if cigarette butts

[Wilbur]

6 hours ago, Odd. said:

These are all great posts.

 

I was diagnosed with OCD at 18 however I've been able to come to terms with it. I've been pretty good these last couple of years but lately for some reason I've started to get some pretty disturbing intrusive thoughts come around again. I guess this thread was kind of like a reassurance  "does anybody else have these thoughts too" type thing to kind of help me cope with it at the moment.

 

Since I suffer from OCD (Pure-O to be exact), I get a lot more of these intrusive thoughts sometimes terribly terribly disturbing. For some reason my brain thinks a thought is equivalent to the act of actually doing it which causes guilt and shame, especially when you know these thoughts are so irrational and you would never act on them. 

 

The thing that happened yesterday kind of flared up my OCD back and it's been pissing me off, because currently I'm stuck in this loop again.

Intrusive thoughts are pretty normal.  Our brain is working all the time so random things flash in our mind all the time.  Most of the time we identify them for what they are, just thoughts, nothing more and discard them. 

 

My school had a doctor come in for a few workshops from Anxiety BC and she always told the story of her intrusive thought of waiting at the Skytrain in front of a little old lady, and "what if" she decided just to push her onto the tracks at the wrong time.  Me?  One in particular, when my youngest was about 1, would be the thought of me forgetting him somewhere and him just crying helpless and confused.  When mental health is good it's much easier to discard these thoughts, I can see how it's easy to dwell on them when mental health is poor.

[JM_]

Years back we bought into a townhouse and we had a neighbour from hell. I mean right out of deliverance, loud music at all hours, he even pushed over a guy carrying a baby who lived on the other side of his place from us. 

 

In a moment of scary brilliance I figured out how to get "rid" of him and get away with it. I mean the whole plan, and it was really good. Of course I didn't do it, but it was scary to really go there. 

[bishopshodan]

15 hours ago, Jester13 said:

As a man with testosterone, there have been times when I've seen something, thought something, and then corrected and felt shame, but neuroscience will prove that you can't prevent the first thought but can the correction, so I don't worry too much about it.

You've made me think of this book.

I related to a lot of it. Heavy read. 

Mad Blood Stirring: The Inner Lives of Violent Men

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/31379133-mad-blood-stirring

 

A man, no matter how civilized, is still an animal--and sometimes a dangerous one. Men are responsible for the lion's share of assault, rape, murder and warfare. Conventional wisdom chalks this up to socialization, that men are taught to be violent. And they are. But there's more to it. Violence is a dangerous desire--a set of powerful and inherent emotions we are loath to own up to. And so there remains a hidden geography to male violence--an inner ecosystem of rage, dominance, blood-lust, insecurity and bravado--yet to be mapped. Mad Blood Stirring is journalist Daemon Fairless's riveting first-person travelogue through this territory as he seeks to understand the inner lives of violent men and, ultimately, himself.

[CaptKirk888]

 

Edited March 13, 2021 by CaptKirk888

[canuckster19]

Just imagine though if you could be god for a day and only be malevolent, you all know you'd do some f-ed up s---, it's only natural IMO, what makes us human is our desire to be better than that.

[Nave]

10 hours ago, Odd. said:

These are all great posts.

 

I was diagnosed with OCD at 18 however I've been able to come to terms with it. I've been pretty good these last couple of years but lately for some reason I've started to get some pretty disturbing intrusive thoughts come around again. I guess this thread was kind of like a reassurance  "does anybody else have these thoughts too" type thing to kind of help me cope with it at the moment.

 

Since I suffer from OCD (Pure-O to be exact), I get a lot more of these intrusive thoughts sometimes terribly terribly disturbing. For some reason my brain thinks a thought is equivalent to the act of actually doing it which causes guilt and shame, especially when you know these thoughts are so irrational and you would never act on them. 

 

The thing that happened yesterday kind of flared up my OCD back and it's been pissing me off, because currently I'm stuck in this loop again.

It's helpful to think of them as "weird urges" or "intrusive thoughts," rather than "impulses." Impulses you act upon, urges and intrusive thoughts you don't.