confessions

[Cramarossa]

I am single for the first time in almost seven years, and have absolutely zero clue how to handle it. I want to "get out there" and meet people, but really don't know what that looks like.

 

I am really anti-online dating (I'd feel embarassed tbh introducing an SO to people in my life having to say we met on the internet). I also work at a college and would be mortified for my students to see my profile (let alone match me!!) on Tinder, Bumble, etc. I've got very few friends, and the ones I do have are significantly older than me. Not sure a set up would work.

 

I am shy and insecure. I am sensitive and in recent years get my feelings hurt by the opposite sex very easily. But I dont want to be alone forever. I don't know what to do.

[Coconuts]

1 hour ago, Cramarossa said:

I am single for the first time in almost seven years, and have absolutely zero clue how to handle it. I want to "get out there" and meet people, but really don't know what that looks like.

 

I am really anti-online dating (I'd feel embarassed tbh introducing an SO to people in my life having to say we met on the internet). I also work at a college and would be mortified for my students to see my profile (let alone match me!!) on Tinder, Bumble, etc. I've got very few friends, and the ones I do have are significantly older than me. Not sure a set up would work.

 

I am shy and insecure. I am sensitive and in recent years get my feelings hurt by the opposite sex very easily. But I dont want to be alone forever. I don't know what to do.

I'm awful at connecting with/meeting new people so I'm a terrible person to give you advice on that sort of thing. But I'll say this, it's great that you wanna meet folks and connect but be patient with yourself. Try and take things at your own pace, whatever that may be, and try not to pressure yourself into grabbing for something because you're not used to being single anymore. The single life ain't all bad and if you're stuck that way for a while so be it. Be good to yourself, or at least try to be you know?

[Cramarossa]

14 minutes ago, Coconuts said:

I'm awful at connecting with/meeting new people so I'm a terrible person to give you advice on that sort of thing. But I'll say this, it's great that you wanna meet folks and connect but be patient with yourself. Try and take things at your own pace, whatever that may be, and try not to pressure yourself into grabbing for something because you're not used to being single anymore. The single life ain't all bad and if you're stuck that way for a while so be it. Be good to yourself, or at least try to be you know?

Well I'm not really trying to jump into a relationship, but I've never really "dated" and feel like it would be nice to meet and go out with a couple guys. I kinda am feeling my age (28) a bit, I look around me and it seems like everyone else is married with kids...I'm single with cats ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Coconuts]

9 minutes ago, Cramarossa said:

Well I'm not really trying to jump into a relationship, but I've never really "dated" and feel like it would be nice to meet and go out with a couple guys. I kinda am feeling my age (28) a bit, I look around me and it seems like everyone else is married with kids...I'm single with cats ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Haha, we're the same age and I know what you mean. Friends gradually getting married or in long term relationships, friends having kids. It's bizarre not gonna lie.

 

I hope you figure out how you wanna approach it and hope you have fun figuring things out again. The world is full of people and a lot of em are pretty interesting.

[Wilbur]

4 hours ago, Cramarossa said:

I am single for the first time in almost seven years, and have absolutely zero clue how to handle it. I want to "get out there" and meet people, but really don't know what that looks like.

 

I am really anti-online dating (I'd feel embarassed tbh introducing an SO to people in my life having to say we met on the internet). I also work at a college and would be mortified for my students to see my profile (let alone match me!!) on Tinder, Bumble, etc. I've got very few friends, and the ones I do have are significantly older than me. Not sure a set up would work.

 

I am shy and insecure. I am sensitive and in recent years get my feelings hurt by the opposite sex very easily. But I dont want to be alone forever. I don't know what to do.

I was 28 myself when I tried "online dating".  I put the term in quotation marks because it sounds bad and don't like it.  Whenever I tell the story about how my wife and I met I always say "we met online" (we never dated online, we did that in person  ).  But I was in a space similar to you, off the heels of a relationship (albeit not a long one) and just didn't see myself meeting new people through friend groups, etc.  I wasn't the type to go out somewhere like a bar (I wouldn't go to a bar with someone so why would I try to meet someone there?) so figured I give meeting people online a shot.

 

Really, I viewed it as a way to meet new people.  I tried eHarmony (10 years ago...there wasn't as many sites back then), and found being on site where you had to pay to be on it was great for weeding out the non-serious people or people just looking for a quick hook-up (it would probably lessen the chance of students seeing your profile).  In a way, I thought of eHarmony as the mutual friend that introduced us.

 

But if you're still skeptical of online, is there some sort of community activity group that you could join?  Just trying to think of a way to expand your social circle.  By going to an activity group, you'll never know who you'll meet and in the event you don't meet anyone at least you're dong something fun and that you enjoy (it can also allow you to not put pressure on yourself to force something as really you're there to have fun doing whatever not find someone to date).

 

@Coconuts had some sage advice too.  There is nothing wrong with spending time to yourself.  In the end, the more comfortable you are with yourself, the stronger your next relationship will be. (and yes, I'm confident there will be a next one ).  I wish you all the good luck and future happiness, you deserve it!

Edited October 13, 2018 by Wilbur

[Wilbur]

I confess I'm worried my new position is going to burn me out.  I have had almost 6 straight weeks of a routine of waking up at 545 am (or earlier), getting home from work at 5pm with the kids, performing Dad duties between 5-8, then back to prepping from 8 until I'm ready for the next day which, somedays, has taken until 1am.  I've got next to zero relax time and it's tough.

[Salacious Crumb]

10 hours ago, Cramarossa said:

I am single for the first time in almost seven years, and have absolutely zero clue how to handle it. I want to "get out there" and meet people, but really don't know what that looks like.

 

I am really anti-online dating (I'd feel embarassed tbh introducing an SO to people in my life having to say we met on the internet). I also work at a college and would be mortified for my students to see my profile (let alone match me!!) on Tinder, Bumble, etc. I've got very few friends, and the ones I do have are significantly older than me. Not sure a set up would work.

 

I am shy and insecure. I am sensitive and in recent years get my feelings hurt by the opposite sex very easily. But I dont want to be alone forever. I don't know what to do.

Being in a loving, healthy relationship is great. Being single and in a loving, healthy place with oneself and the world is awesome too.

 

Going through the greiving process after a long term relationship definitely has its tough and terrifying phases however you will find you come out the other side ok. I’ve been there several times and always went through the I’ll never get over this bits yet I always did. I was once hurt so badly by an ex in my 20’s that I had worked out a couple of acceptable ways to end my life. Fortunately the thought crossed my mind about what that would do to people that love me and compromised on deciding that if I felt the same way 6 months down the road I would follow through.

 

In hindsight the next 6 months provided so much evolution that I am satisfied to look back and even through the times of grief see where there was personal growth.

 

I decided to go on a trip by myself which was absolutely a game changer. I found my center again and decide to date based on a four pillar approach. The given is that as a male she must be physically attractive to me but also funny, smart, interesting and have a plan.

 

POF was a very funny place but I sorted out that if any woman asked me out I would go even if it ended up just being a social outing. There were lots of these the most interesting was with a cross dresser trying to pass as a woman (ended up being coffee for 30 minutes before I begged of with other plans). Laugh if you will but I was impressed with how much people just want to be accepted.

 

I met my SO on POF and even though I am 20 years older than you am not afraid to say I met my gal online. It’s a great way to short list potential matches. You mention you have a cat so a person that is allergic to them would not contact you etc. You can also enter age parameters which would weed out most of the students where you work.

 

You’ve posted pics before and you are beautiful and also have shown us your funny and compassionate sides as well. You will go through the ups and downs and will learn, evolve and be richer for the experience.

 

[diesel_3]

15 hours ago, Cramarossa said:

Well I'm not really trying to jump into a relationship, but I've never really "dated" and feel like it would be nice to meet and go out with a couple guys. I kinda am feeling my age (28) a bit, I look around me and it seems like everyone else is married with kids...I'm single with cats ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

You're young so don't be in a huge rush. You were just in a relationship for 7 years, there is no shame in focusing on 'you' and enjoying yourself. Be a little selfish!

 

[JM_]

20 hours ago, Cramarossa said:

I am single for the first time in almost seven years, and have absolutely zero clue how to handle it. I want to "get out there" and meet people, but really don't know what that looks like.

 

I am really anti-online dating (I'd feel embarassed tbh introducing an SO to people in my life having to say we met on the internet). I also work at a college and would be mortified for my students to see my profile (let alone match me!!) on Tinder, Bumble, etc. I've got very few friends, and the ones I do have are significantly older than me. Not sure a set up would work.

 

I am shy and insecure. I am sensitive and in recent years get my feelings hurt by the opposite sex very easily. But I dont want to be alone forever. I don't know what to do.

what worked for me, also a very shy person in real life, was meeting people doing activities. I signed up for photography classes, rock climbing and did some sailing and eventually met someone from work (also a college) who just happened to be taking the same photography course. Its a nice way to meet people without the weight of dating, and you have something in common right off the hop. Good luck to you, you do seem like a very good egg. 

 

[Twilight Sparkle]

On 10/12/2018 at 6:49 PM, Cramarossa said:

Well I'm not really trying to jump into a relationship, but I've never really "dated" and feel like it would be nice to meet and go out with a couple guys. I kinda am feeling my age (28) a bit, I look around me and it seems like everyone else is married with kids...I'm single with cats ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

tbh some days i wish i were single with cats. i'm getting married next year, and for the first time since i "popped the question" (i just said, pick a time and place idc, literally) i'm so romantic, right? but i know many people who are in their late 30's and entering their 40's who are perfectly happy being single and like having their options open, and some of them have "made the mistake" of being engaged or married in the past

 

we're in a pretty cool time now where it's no longer about being married and having kids and such and such an age. there's not as much pressure on that part since we have enough pressure as it is to try and keep up with the cost of living, as young people, to even worry about starting a family, let alone providing for one

 

i've seen it many times in my early 20's where, oh so and sos getting married, and today they're divorced because, times change. marriage in 2018 doesn't mean what it used to back in our parents generation. thats just how it is; its archaic, so don't even trip about not finding anyone and all that nonsense. just do you and just enjoy life the best you can. eventually you'll find that one that one guy (maybe one woman, you just never know)

Edited October 14, 2018 by Twilight Sparkle

[Cramarossa]

In response to basically everyone:

I am focusing on me, but some companionship would be nice.

 

For the record, ex-bf and I broke up almost three months ago...it's not like we broke up this week and I'm already anxious to latch on to someone else. Just some company would be nice. Finances are tight (just moved and only have six month lease so I need save up for the next one) and I don't have a car. These two things make it so hard to try new activities right now, but I'm trying. I'm also trying to get back into therapy...mental health care with my insurance is terrible though. 

[Qwags]

On 10/14/2018 at 6:12 PM, Cramarossa said:

In response to basically everyone:

I am focusing on me, but some companionship would be nice.

 

For the record, ex-bf and I broke up almost three months ago...it's not like we broke up this week and I'm already anxious to latch on to someone else. Just some company would be nice. Finances are tight (just moved and only have six month lease so I need save up for the next one) and I don't have a car. These two things make it so hard to try new activities right now, but I'm trying. I'm also trying to get back into therapy...mental health care with my insurance is terrible though. 

You will always have us. Companionship is closer than you think.

[Qwags]

I've been using the default Canucks theme for God knows how long now. I should've switched over to Canucks 4.2 sooner. It's so much cleaner.

[riffraff]

I watched soccer last night for a while

[Master 112]

1 hour ago, riffraff said:

I watched soccer last night for a while

Some things even God can't forgive.

[Shift-4]

I'm a sucker for a lady with gorgeous hair

[riffraff]

3 hours ago, Shift-4 said:

I'm a sucker for a lady with gorgeous hair

Got nuthin to do with being a sucker.  It’s  cuz you a man man!

[luckylager]

7 hours ago, riffraff said:

I watched soccer last night for a while

You must have been really, really stoned

[Tre Mac]

3 hours ago, Shift-4 said:

I'm a sucker for a lady with gorgeous hair

That's weird.  Define gorgeous

 

[riffraff]

39 minutes ago, luckylager said:

You must have been really, really stoned