I need help

[ReggieBush]

I was hit with a complete bombshell tonight. My roommate and really good friend of mine revealed that last semester (while I was away on exchange) he was the closest he has ever come to suicide. He is going through some insanely sad family issues and politics. He is doing poorly in school. He had a great fit in terms of an internship, but was abruptly let go from the organization. He has a ton of debt (thanks Doug Ford) and is in no position to pay it off. Girl troubles. He is going through a lot of ****. To add on to it, he has had a history of mental health issues. 

 

He said he is fine now, but I am still skeptical.

 

The last time someone opened up to me about their struggles, I kept my mouth shut, didn't tell anyone and she ended up relapsing, overdosing on heroin and passing way. I wen't through my own problems because of the guilt I felt, but never got to the stage that he is right now

 

I can't lose him. Not after losing one of my best friends almost 6 years ago. I need to tell someone, IDK who. I need to get him help.

 

I am panicking right now guys. Crying. 

 

Please give me some sort of guidance. 

 

[RRypien37]

Tell him what you said here. Story about previous friend and what ended up happening. How you won't let that happen to him and you've got his back no matter what. 

 

Suicidial thoughts/attempts and reveals are all a cry for help. He needs support and care. 

[Twilight Sparkle]

I've had those days so many times, where everything just keeps piling on (i don't need to go in to too much detail; i've opened up about my life and struggles on here in some threads), and i start thinking if it's all worth it. it's old fashioned to say, hey man, if you need me, i'm there for you, but that's all anyone needs, is for you to be a friend. even if you don't know or fully understand what they're going through, you just have to say, hey man, call me. i may not understand what you're going through and i might not be much help, but if you ever need someone to talk to, gimme a shout

 

i'm sorry for your past loss, i feel you there, but some times that's a learning experience. point them to seek professional help if all else fails. you never know where that could lead to down the road. we're in an age now where mental health can no longer be "less than" like it was before. when i was a kid, where there was little to no help in the 90s, and school counselors "were there" and just called social services and my sister and i would be taken to a foster home and my mom would kinda fall deeper and deeper in to the abyss and the bricks kept building, know what i mean? maybe within the last 10-15 years or so, there's been a huge boom in mental health awareness, so your friend is in pretty good hands because they don't have to look very far for help, because mental health is taken a lot more seriously nowadays

 

if professional help never worked, facebook has a lot of support groups for depression and anxiety and everything in between. you can find help online, which we couldn't when we were kids

[Bruce Boudreau]

35 minutes ago, ReggieBush said:

I was hit with a complete bombshell tonight. My roommate and really good friend of mine revealed that last semester (while I was away on exchange) he was the closest he has ever come to suicide. He is going through some insanely sad family issues and politics. He is doing poorly in school. He had a great fit in terms of an internship, but was abruptly let go from the organization. He has a ton of debt (thanks Doug Ford) and is in no position to pay it off. Girl troubles. He is going through a lot of ****. To add on to it, he has had a history of mental health issues. 

 

He said he is fine now, but I am still skeptical.

 

The last time someone opened up to me about their struggles, I kept my mouth shut, didn't tell anyone and she ended up relapsing, overdosing on heroin and passing way. I wen't through my own problems because of the guilt I felt, but never got to the stage that he is right now

 

I can't lose him. Not after losing one of my best friends almost 6 years ago. I need to tell someone, IDK who. I need to get him help.

 

I am panicking right now guys. Crying. 

 

Please give me some sort of guidance. 

 

You need to talk to an adult you trust. Could be a counsellor. Maybe a football coach even. Start there.

 

There are hotlines out there to call if you have a crisis, are in need, or just need someone non-judgemental to talk with.

 

Here is something to start with.

 

I am sorry I am not much help in this issue.

 

But you if you need to talk my PM's are always open.

 

 http://www.crisisservicescanada.ca

 

[morrissex95]

I've had addiction issues in the past and I made a very big suicide attempt in June 2015. 

 

If you need someone to talk to you about recovery(been clean and sober off fentanyl and heroin for 2 years) OR if you need to talk to someone about suicidal ideation please PM me 

 

 

[Angry Goose]

I think communication is key.  Your roommate opened up with you so Im assuming it would be OK for you to talk with them.

 

Tell them how important they are to you, and in light of your past, how much this scares you.  But I think it goes without saying that this shouldnt be about you (I dont believe that is the case).  BE that person that they can talk to whenever they need it.

 

Perhaps you can offer to be that support person that is willing to talk with a professional along with them so they dont feel all alone in this.  Perhaps that wont even be necessary but even the suggestion to your roommate might give them the confidence to start working through it, especially if your there to support them.  

 

 

 

[Ryan Strome]

.

[elvis15]

Just like people with depression don't have to go it alone, you don't have to either. Talk with him about it, preparing yourself with the resources out there (like https://foundrybc.ca/supporting-others/), and talk with someone you trust as well.

[189lb enforcers?]

You rarely get a second chance to act. 

You already know what to do. 

[JM_]

9 hours ago, ReggieBush said:

I was hit with a complete bombshell tonight. My roommate and really good friend of mine revealed that last semester (while I was away on exchange) he was the closest he has ever come to suicide. He is going through some insanely sad family issues and politics. He is doing poorly in school. He had a great fit in terms of an internship, but was abruptly let go from the organization. He has a ton of debt (thanks Doug Ford) and is in no position to pay it off. Girl troubles. He is going through a lot of ****. To add on to it, he has had a history of mental health issues. 

 

He said he is fine now, but I am still skeptical.

 

The last time someone opened up to me about their struggles, I kept my mouth shut, didn't tell anyone and she ended up relapsing, overdosing on heroin and passing way. I wen't through my own problems because of the guilt I felt, but never got to the stage that he is right now

 

I can't lose him. Not after losing one of my best friends almost 6 years ago. I need to tell someone, IDK who. I need to get him help.

 

I am panicking right now guys. Crying. 

 

Please give me some sort of guidance. 

 

you need support too, and real professional advice - give these folks a call they know what you need to do for your friend but also for you too: http://www.crisisservicescanada.ca

 

 

[Tortorella's Rant]

Everyone is different and has various ways and experience to deal and cope with their problems. Some people never experience depression at all while some are completely overwhelmed by it. Sometimes it is brought on by situations in life and other times there is seemingly no reason whatsoever and all you can do is ride it out as best you can. So while I hate to admit it: as someone who has gone through this twice - your problems in hindsight are never as bad as you're making them out to be. And I think this is the key point to remember. Because you'll look back on your problems and think "wow, I contemplated killing myself over that?!" I did both times and feel embarrassed for even thinking that way. Cowardice played a role in saving me the first time and my experience from the first time and knowing that this feeling will eventually pass kept me from doing anything stupid and seriously considering it the second time. It makes you stronger getting through this - both of you. And if you can muscle your way through such a situation then there's almost nothing that can bring you down. In your friend's case it sounds like life and the situation he is has him down big time. That can be fixed. Friends and family can help him with this. The fact these things are known makes a big difference in dealing with the situation in a timely manner, relatively speaking, and finding a solution. Keep talking with him and helping him where you can. Let his family or other friends know if you can. Talking goes a long way and makes that pit of despair you are in feel a lot smaller. 

And so these experiences have forced me from time to time to check in on people from school and such. People I don't speak with too often as time has passed on. Ask them how they are doing and how they feel in general with life and such. Nobody likes ever bringing up the issue but I feel even asking these questions without trying to imply anything would give them an opening to talk if they're feeling like total garbage.

I am not a mental health professional in any way. These are just my two cents

[Shift-4]

I just want to say I think @ReggieBush is doing the right thing by reaching out. I am wishing you and your friend all the best.

I had a $&!#ty time once. The right people looked out for me. Looks like your friend has a good person on his side.

[Hairy Kneel]

If I was to choose I'd pick school work, forget the girls, debt is too far away right now to deal with- f&^% those interns bastards can die a slow death in hell., 

beg borrow or steal every resource and get the study on. No slacking no tv, no pub nights, no excuses study study study. Get extensions from prof's and meet with prof's if you need to. Be honest and explain to them the situation. Get the best help proof reading his final papers.

 

[Sbriggs]

11 hours ago, ReggieBush said:

I was hit with a complete bombshell tonight. My roommate and really good friend of mine revealed that last semester (while I was away on exchange) he was the closest he has ever come to suicide. He is going through some insanely sad family issues and politics. He is doing poorly in school. He had a great fit in terms of an internship, but was abruptly let go from the organization. He has a ton of debt (thanks Doug Ford) and is in no position to pay it off. Girl troubles. He is going through a lot of ****. To add on to it, he has had a history of mental health issues. 

 

He said he is fine now, but I am still skeptical.

 

The last time someone opened up to me about their struggles, I kept my mouth shut, didn't tell anyone and she ended up relapsing, overdosing on heroin and passing way. I wen't through my own problems because of the guilt I felt, but never got to the stage that he is right now

 

I can't lose him. Not after losing one of my best friends almost 6 years ago. I need to tell someone, IDK who. I need to get him help.

 

I am panicking right now guys. Crying. 

 

Please give me some sort of guidance. 

 

Contact SN 650 ask for Cory Hirsh ask him for advice and help I am sure he will be of assistants. I am  from 100 Mile House and he came here a few weeks ago to speak between period at our Junior B hockey game and seems very caring and insiteful

[Master 112]

It's difficult to offer advice when one doesn't know the guy. What would you say to a person you've never met whose story has been related to you in a few sentences?

 

I'd recommend reading this, though:

 

 

[-DLC-]

12 hours ago, ReggieBush said:

I was hit with a complete bombshell tonight. My roommate and really good friend of mine revealed that last semester (while I was away on exchange) he was the closest he has ever come to suicide. He is going through some insanely sad family issues and politics. He is doing poorly in school. He had a great fit in terms of an internship, but was abruptly let go from the organization. He has a ton of debt (thanks Doug Ford) and is in no position to pay it off. Girl troubles. He is going through a lot of ****. To add on to it, he has had a history of mental health issues. 

 

He said he is fine now, but I am still skeptical.

 

The last time someone opened up to me about their struggles, I kept my mouth shut, didn't tell anyone and she ended up relapsing, overdosing on heroin and passing way. I wen't through my own problems because of the guilt I felt, but never got to the stage that he is right now

 

I can't lose him. Not after losing one of my best friends almost 6 years ago. I need to tell someone, IDK who. I need to get him help.

 

I am panicking right now guys. Crying. 

 

Please give me some sort of guidance. 

 

You have to direct him to seek professional help.  

 

Support him by listening, but try to avoid any "you should just do this or that" stuff.  I learned from the person nearest/dearest to me how unhelpful that is.  Just puts on more pressure when a person already feels frozen in fear and paralyzed by the thought of having to do anything.  You have to allow the professionals to intervene and just be a support as they do.

 

I honestly don't think any of us here are equipped to adequately propose what you should/shouldn't to.  Even if he tries to shrug it off as nothing, I'd encourage him to talk to someone and even do it myself (for guidance) if he's reluctant to.

 

Take these things very seriously, as you appear to be doing.  Good luck, please keep us posted.

 

Vancouver Mental Health Team:  (604) 875-8248

 

Vancouver Crisis Counselling:  (604) 872-3311

 

 

[DADDYROCK]

Listen,suicide is as serious as a heart-attack,so as soon as possible,try and get them to seek professional help.

I know there is a stigma surrounding such things,I know it seems hard and earth shattering,but losing a loved one is heartbreaking.

Best of luck to you,and your friend.

[elvis15]

I've legitimately had to take someone into emergency who feared they'd harm themselves without help. If it gets to that point, don't hesitate, take them in and they can offer resources as well and help you and your friend.

[ReggieBush]

I appreciate all the responses. I really do. Thought I would give everyone a heads up. I spent yesterday talking to friends (about the situation) in between studying for midterm that was absolutely essential to my grade in the course and my future aspirations of going to grad school. My good friend that I was studying with is literally one of the most beautiful people I ever met. Like she is so pretty, and has such a unique and fun personality. We were having a good time studying and bantering back and forth about life and stupid jokes of the sort. I was really happy because it allowed me to take my mind of the situation. So its 11 and we are waiting to get picked up by a friend to drive us home and I went to the washroom while she waited outside. I come out and she is sitting down on the bench crying. I was shocked and asked her what was up. Basically she is going through some body issues (which I was not aware of) as well as relationship issues (which I was aware of). I was trying to console her but she wasn't having any of it. I told her what made her special was her uniqueness and her personality and that she was beautiful (because she is).  I am trying to help and show that I care, but it just not getting through to her. I feel bad because the nature of our jokes is very much judgemental banter and I never would have suspected her to have those issues. I feel like a jackass for some of the stuff I said now too.

 

On top of it all I completely lost my composure on my important midterm today and just broke down. I couldn't remember much of what i studied. I will get like a 60 on the midterm but I was expecting, should have, and needed an 85+. When i realized that I was screwed I started to cry during my exam. Regrouped. Finished it. Went outside to a bathroom and cried for 20 more mins. Regrouped. Called my parents, told them what happened on the exam and informed them that I will be dropping the class.

 

Now I am here typing this. It has not been a good couple days.

[-DLC-]

1 hour ago, ReggieBush said:

I appreciate all the responses. I really do. Thought I would give everyone a heads up. I spent yesterday talking to friends (about the situation) in between studying for midterm that was absolutely essential to my grade in the course and my future aspirations of going to grad school. My good friend that I was studying with is literally one of the most beautiful people I ever met. Like she is so pretty, and has such a unique and fun personality. We were having a good time studying and bantering back and forth about life and stupid jokes of the sort. I was really happy because it allowed me to take my mind of the situation. So its 11 and we are waiting to get picked up by a friend to drive us home and I went to the washroom while she waited outside. I come out and she is sitting down on the bench crying. I was shocked and asked her what was up. Basically she is going through some body issues (which I was not aware of) as well as relationship issues (which I was aware of). I was trying to console her but she wasn't having any of it. I told her what made her special was her uniqueness and her personality and that she was beautiful (because she is).  I am trying to help and show that I care, but it just not getting through to her. I feel bad because the nature of our jokes is very much judgemental banter and I never would have suspected her to have those issues. I feel like a jackass for some of the stuff I said now too.

 

On top of it all I completely lost my composure on my important midterm today and just broke down. I couldn't remember much of what i studied. I will get like a 60 on the midterm but I was expecting, should have, and needed an 85+. When i realized that I was screwed I started to cry during my exam. Regrouped. Finished it. Went outside to a bathroom and cried for 20 more mins. Regrouped. Called my parents, told them what happened on the exam and informed them that I will be dropping the class.

 

Now I am here typing this. It has not been a good couple days.

Please remember this.....you can't save anyone from a sinking ship without a life jacket for yourself.

 

Other people's issues can be very complex and beyond your scope of help.  Just being a compassionate, empathetic friend is your role and the rest is directing friends toward help.  If they don't, you become an enabler at some point and, sadly, it's up to them to take the initiative.  You don't have to abandon them, but you also don't have to take it all on yourself because it eventually just adds another broken person to the mix.   Stay strong, keep focused and keep reaching out.  You need support too so don't compromise your own health and well being as you're there for others.  Make sure you include yourself in the seeking help/care equation.