Jokes everyone says and they are not funny ever

[JM_]

the whole 'where's the beef" thing that seemed to dominate a few years in the 1980s 

[higgyfan]

The Canucks just signed (or traded for) a minor player.

 

"Ooooh, let's plan the parade."

[SabreFan1]

10 hours ago, Crabcakes said:

No more (or less) than Buffalo!  they're everywhere....

TV actors?

[nuckin_futz]

People on CDC who say "Raymond, Ballard and a 1st".

[Psylocke]

Every time someone sees me carrying a box at work, they'd come over and ask "Oh, is that for me?" 

 

And it's usually something that's heavy and I just want them to get out of my way so I can put it down as soon as possible. 

[Ghostsof1915]

Tanev for....

 

 

[Crabcakes]

2 minutes ago, Ghostsof1915 said:

Tanev for....

 

 

Regrettably, I can only give you 1 + for this.

 

OMG, they're not trading him people.  Give it a friggin rest. 

[Sedintwinpowersactivate]

Any knock knock joke.

[Alflives]

When I make a post and someone remarks with: "forgot to take you meds again?"

(okay, that's kind of funny:)

[Phil_314]

Most "that's what she said" comments, not everything needs to be associated with innuendo.

[Goat James]

1 hour ago, nuckin_futz said:

People on CDC who say "Raymond, Ballard and a 1st".

 

That's still funny tho. The number of times that was proposed between 2011 and 2013 ensure that meme will stay funny for all eternity.  

[Cramarossa]

Non-Canucks fans calling the Sedins "sisters" or "Henrietta and Danielle", the whole "2 girls, no cups" thing. Calling the LA Kings the "Queens". Basically any lame, lazy, gendered hockey insult.

[-Stammer-]

"Did you hear about the circus fire?"

 

"It was In tents"

[MikeyBoy44]

6 hours ago, S'all Good Man said:

that sounds like an opening.... 

One I'd definitely like to fill....

[Time Lord]

When people on CDC say "real good" or anything sarcastic about Megna

[Angry Goose]

Ive got one from today:

My debit card declined twice (there was ample money in the account, just the usual coast capital savings fandangle) and lady in the line next to me says "keep trying until it shows up" HAHA
 

 

 

[Twilight Sparkle]

this guy i work with in the bakery keeps asking me to touch his buns

 

no.

 

no.

 

or when i work in kitchens i loooved "hot - behind... you have a HOT behind!"

 

any work related joke. stahp

[Bocivus]

I used to work for a beer distribution company.  When I would have the cases of beer stacked on the hand cart to take from the truck to the store, some mook would always say "Hey, buddy.  You can drop those in the back of my truck/car right there" and then laugh as they were the first one to come up with it. 

[Tre Mac]

On ‎12‎/‎08‎/‎2017 at 11:59 AM, -Stammer- said:

"Did you hear about the circus fire?"

 

"It was In tents"

It's suppose to be "Our last camping trip was in tents" and I invented that joke in 1988

 

I used to do landscaping for Weed Man and every guy aged 18-30 that would pull up beside me "Hey Weed Man, got any weed, man?".  So one time I grabbed some grass and put it in a baggie and tossed it into a car at a red light "You bet, enjoy"

 

I kind of feel bad because I am usually the coworker that says all these 'bad jokes' to bring an iota of light into a depressing place(work).  Like when I worked at a sawmill and after you complete a stack of lumber you release a switch and the stack rolls out.  Ludicris had a song called "Roll Out" and I would yell that out and I would throw my sets up like a boss.