How do you deal with loneliness?

[Dedalus]

(Mods, feel free to close or move this thread if we can't have threads like this here.)

 

To make a long story short, I had to move to Los Angeles for work in 2019. Previously, I had been jumping back and forth between Vancouver and LA, never staying long enough to make any real friends in LA, though. Right before the pandemic started, I moved to LA permanently for work. Working from home since the beginning of 2020 has made things worse in terms of my social life. I literally spend most of my time alone. I am fully vaccinated but it still kind of scares me to go out and be social. Even when I was in LA before, all my best friends were in Vancouver so I would constantly fly back to hang out with them, but with the pandemic, that's pretty hard to do now. It's also very difficult to meet people in LA and the pandemic has made it worse.

 

How do you deal with loneliness, especially now that the pandemic has made meeting people harder?

Edited November 17, 2021 by Dedalus

[Sharpshooter]

Eskies 

[Ilunga]

This has been a problem for people here in Melbourne to.

We have gone through the world's longest lockdown.

I have not been able to see my friends,ride my bike until a few weeks ago.

I have battled anxiety and depression all my life and this has exacerbated this.

 

Being active on this forum helps a bit,connecting with friends online is better than not at all.

 

In the end we have to find contentment within ourselves. 

 

Take heart that nothing lasts forever,things will change.

[AngelicHearts]

I've been fortunate in that I haven't had to deal with something like this because the friends I do have are all online friends from different countries or areas, so if I feel like chatting to them, I'll just write them a message. Socializing isn't my thing because I'm a big introvert, so the pandemic hasn't changed anything for me in terms of talking to people. I guess just find things to distract yourself from the feeling of loneliness. I find that I tend to start feeling sad when I have nothing to do and start to brood over silly things, so I always try to find something to do. Cook something, clean, play a game, exercise, watch stuff on YouTube, etc.

[Master Mind]

I find that online communities such as CDC here helps greatly with that.

 

In particular for me, the fantasy hockey section. It's nice having a year round game to focus on and discuss.

 

Perhaps there's something like that here or elsewhere online that fits your interests.

 

It's not the same as seeing people in person, but it helps get through stretches of time when you're by yourself.

[Phil_314]

Aww that sucks, can relate to that feeling (miss my work friends and office events during WFH).  
That being said, OP did you make any acquaintances or do you have roommates/ local coworkers who are similar age or have similar interests?  Even if it's just a couple people, say meeting outside in a park or on a patio (not sure how strict things are in LA and if that's permitted) both enables a safe space with open air and some needed social interaction (NOTE: you likely will feel like a deer in headlights during initial interaction but it's almost like shaking the rust off, you'll get used to it).

Failing that, or if you don't feel safe/ if it's too restricted there, you can let your friends and family back home know that you want to chat once in awhile and do Zoom calls, or join some virtual hobby groups.  Remember you're not alone and the options are there.  

[Dedalus]

5 minutes ago, Master Mind said:

I find that online communities such as CDC here helps greatly with that.

 

In particular for me, the fantasy hockey section. It's nice having a year round game to focus on and discuss.

 

Perhaps there's something like that here or elsewhere online that fits your interests.

 

It's not the same as seeing people in person, but it helps get through stretches of time when you're by yourself.

Thanks! Yes, this forum is a nice distraction and so are Canucks games. I got really depressed when they lost 7-1, but I don't think that was because I am a huge Canucks fan, which I am, but all the losing makes watching the games difficult. They kind of remind me of the crappy stuff in my own life. It's great reading people's posts, though.

[Dedalus]

12 minutes ago, Phil_314 said:

Aww that sucks, can relate to that feeling (miss my work friends and office events during WFH).  
That being said, OP did you make any acquaintances or do you have roommates/ local coworkers who are similar age or have similar interests?  Even if it's just a couple people, say meeting outside in a park or on a patio (not sure how strict things are in LA and if that's permitted) both enables a safe space with open air and some needed social interaction (NOTE: you likely will feel like a deer in headlights during initial interaction but it's almost like shaking the rust off, you'll get used to it).

Failing that, or if you don't feel safe/ if it's too restricted there, you can let your friends and family back home know that you want to chat once in awhile and do Zoom calls, or join some virtual hobby groups.  Remember you're not alone and the options are there.  

I don't have roommates. Coworkers seem to have their own circle of friends, because most of them are from LA or have been here for a very long time. I tried befriending one guy, but I think our personalities didn't really jibe. I found it difficult to connect with him outside of work.

 

I feel like I'm losing most of my friends in Vancouver, who I've known since I was a kid. I message them and they either reply months later or not at all. I know most will say that means they were never really my friends, but we were really good friends and spent most of the time together playing music and going out drinking and watching sports, even right before I moved to LA in 2019. They also have girlfriends or wives now, so that changes things.

 

Family is a tough one. I won't get too into it too much, but they're basically anti-Covid vaccines and lean more to the right on the political spectrum, so it's difficult to socialize with them. They're very different from me.

[NHL97OneTimer]

18 minutes ago, Dedalus said:

Thanks! Yes, this forum is a nice distraction and so are Canucks games. I got really depressed when they lost 7-1, but I don't think that was because I am a huge Canucks fan, which I am, but all the losing makes watching the games difficult. They kind of remind me of the crappy stuff in my own life. It's great reading people's posts, though.

Sorry you're feeling this way and too bad the Canucks aren't a more positive distraction at this time.  My suggestion would be to keep talking to people as much as possible.  Keep connected.  Keep hobbies, work and relationships as active as you can.  

 

In terms of getting depressed with the Canucks losing, I find my focus needs to drift away from the emotions and more towards the logical parts....why are they losing, what would you like to see them do, etc.  Either this or simply take a break and lean more on other interests to provide more balance.

 

Loneliness sucks.  People on this board are good for keeping you engaged, but I'm a big fan of spreading my interests out so that I'm connecting with people in as many ways as possible.  There's some good ideas listed above.  Get outside lots if you can....it's an effective treatment in itself and physically distancing and masking up while outside seem to be striking the right balance for maintaining connections with people while managing the COVID risk.

 

I hope this helps.  You are not alone and many are willing to listen and help if needed.

Edited November 17, 2021 by NHL97OneTimer

[Captain Canuck #12]

If you want to have your spirits lifted, avoid watching the Canucks whatever you do!

Edited November 17, 2021 by Captain Canuck #12

[FaninMex]

1 hour ago, Dedalus said:

(Mods, feel free to close or move this thread if we can't have threads like this here.)

 

To make a long story short, I had to move to Los Angeles for work in 2019. Previously, I had been jumping back and forth between Vancouver and LA, never staying long enough to make any real friends in LA, though. Right before the pandemic started, I moved to LA permanently for work. Working from home since the beginning of 2020 has made things worse in terms of my social life. I literally spend most of my time alone. I am fully vaccinated but it still kind of scares me to go out and be social. Even when I was in LA before, all my best friends were in Vancouver so I would constantly fly back to hang out with them, but with the pandemic, that's pretty hard to do now. It's also very difficult to meet people in LA and the pandemic has made it worse.

 

How do you deal with loneliness, especially now that the pandemic has made meeting people harder?

What do you like to do?

Who are you as a person?

[khay]

29 minutes ago, Dedalus said:

Thanks! Yes, this forum is a nice distraction and so are Canucks games. I got really depressed when they lost 7-1, but I don't think that was because I am a huge Canucks fan, which I am, but all the losing makes watching the games difficult. They kind of remind me of the crappy stuff in my own life. It's great reading people's posts, though.

This team has no idea how much impact its performance has on people's lives. So, to see the team lose the game on PK every single night due to incapable coaching staff... it's just disappointing. I'm not even angry anymore.

 

Losing 7-1 used to get me so angry that I couldn't do anything for the rest of the day. Now, I just turn it off when it's 6-0 Avalanche. WFH allows me to get to work anytime I want so I just do tomorrow's work.

 

Getting tomorrow's work done helps to make my tomorrow easier and I sort of get a rewarding feeling like I achieved something. And loneliness usually sets in at night so replacing that loneliness with rewarding feeling is a good trade off for me. And making tomorrow easy makes it possible to do stuff I enjoy like going for coffee and grabbing a desert or go grocery shopping (there aren't many people during morning/afternoon), or just procrastinate during the day.

 

[J.I.A.H.N]

1 hour ago, Dedalus said:

(Mods, feel free to close or move this thread if we can't have threads like this here.)

 

To make a long story short, I had to move to Los Angeles for work in 2019. Previously, I had been jumping back and forth between Vancouver and LA, never staying long enough to make any real friends in LA, though. Right before the pandemic started, I moved to LA permanently for work. Working from home since the beginning of 2020 has made things worse in terms of my social life. I literally spend most of my time alone. I am fully vaccinated but it still kind of scares me to go out and be social. Even when I was in LA before, all my best friends were in Vancouver so I would constantly fly back to hang out with them, but with the pandemic, that's pretty hard to do now. It's also very difficult to meet people in LA and the pandemic has made it worse.

 

How do you deal with loneliness, especially now that the pandemic has made meeting people harder?

hey buddy/buddette????.

 

So when the pandemic hit, our hockey got shut down, so I organized a hiking club out of the bums.............agreed to keep 6 ft away, and a great time........

 

There are lots of hiking clubs................very social...lots of different ages

 

Golf works too! and the fresh air is a bonus!

 

 

[Nuxfanabroad]

Long distance training. Long rides, runs & swims were the routine, up until about 10 yrs back.

 

Try to get it done early, whenever you've the chance - the whole day feels more productive.

 

It fits so well into a daily lifestyle, here in Japan.

[MrCanuck94]

If you have a PC or gaming console, you can play video games and chat with friends/strangers through your headset.

 

Twitch could be an option to watch live streams from creators that you like and join in conversation within the chat box.

 

Dating apps to speak and potentially meet with people you may be interested in. 

[-AJ-]

I'm very introverted, but even I do desire companionship. When it comes to being isolated due to COVID or something like that, I find that finding friends through the internet can be a great boon. For instance, I found a bunch of like-minded friends who all play the same video game with me and we regularly play together. It's especially nice since we use voice chat to communicate, further adding to the social aspect. It's not the same as meeting in person, but the closer you can get to that (adding voice or even video calling), the better it feels if you're in isolation.

[StanleyCupOneDay]

2 hours ago, Dedalus said:

(Mods, feel free to close or move this thread if we can't have threads like this here.)

 

To make a long story short, I had to move to Los Angeles for work in 2019. Previously, I had been jumping back and forth between Vancouver and LA, never staying long enough to make any real friends in LA, though. Right before the pandemic started, I moved to LA permanently for work. Working from home since the beginning of 2020 has made things worse in terms of my social life. I literally spend most of my time alone. I am fully vaccinated but it still kind of scares me to go out and be social. Even when I was in LA before, all my best friends were in Vancouver so I would constantly fly back to hang out with them, but with the pandemic, that's pretty hard to do now. It's also very difficult to meet people in LA and the pandemic has made it worse.

 

How do you deal with loneliness, especially now that the pandemic has made meeting people harder?

You’re not alone feeling this way. In general since the pandemic started I’d say most people have felt some loneliness. We are social creatures, humans need it for survival. I definitely have felt lonely, haven’t seen friends in almost 2 years now, limit seeing my parents to a handful of times and only in passing. I get why you do it too, it’s probably the same reason for me: I don’t want to be a part of the problem in these trying times. There’s enough people doing that already. So you sacrifice your mental health and happiness for the greater good in order to protect your fellow citizens. I get that, it’s admirable and selfless.

 

But you don’t want someone else’s story, you’re looking for solutions, so here’s a few.

 

1. Call someone. Could be a friend, a parent, a family member, an ex, just someone that you have a real connection to. Maybe you haven’t talked in a while, maybe you’ve gone your separate ways, but whoever that someone is that pops into your mind, give them a call. You’d be surprised how you feel when hearing that persons voice and odds are that person is feeling just as joyful to hear from you.

 

2. Similar to calling people you can organize a zoom hang out. Have some friend/s set up a time where you can watch the same movie or game or have a chance to just catch up on what they’ve been doing. It'll be difficult at first trying not to talk over and with a delay it’s not the same kind of conversation as we’re used to, but it’ll still make you feel connected and that’s most important.

 

3. Invest time in your passions. What do you absolutely love to do in ways other people may not comprehend. Do you love painting? How about dancing? Maybe you enjoy making jewelry. Or reading a good book. There’s many different choices out there and it’s what makes you unique. For myself I have an insatiable craving to watch movies, anything and everything, my top 10 spans Schindler’s List, The Good, The Bad, The Ugly, Lord of the Rings Return of the King to Toy Story 3. I love them to a level that seems weird for most. I saw Avatar 16 times in theaters. Star Trek 2009 4 times. I’ve watched thousands from black and white to modern. I love the journey they take you on and the world they immerse you in. Find what you really are passionate about and dive head in.

 

4. Does your building allow pets? If so that’s a great option, there are many looking for loving forever homes in shelters. Connection with an animal is just as good for the mind as another person and this one will be with you at all times, hard to feel lonely with a fuzzy cutie curled up sleeping next to you.

 

5. Get into nature and out of the hustle and bustle. Forests, beaches, mountains, lakes, there’s all sorts of places to explore, sometimes you can even find one of those stop in your tracks beautiful secret spots no one else knows about. Explore the environment away from concrete, it’ll do your mind good.

 

6. I’m being hypocritical by saying this as a solution, but everyone is different so what might not work for one may for another, try exercising. Exercise is a great way to relieve stress.

 

That’s about all I can think of, but maybe you or someone else feeling just like you can get some ideas from this post. In the end just realize you’re not alone (I know super cliche and awful response given how you feel, but it really needs to be said and it’s true) in feeling this way, that how you feel is reasonable and to not fight the feeling, but acknowledge and learn to live with it. Feel free for you or anyone else to pm me for emotional/mental support. I may be dealing with my own mental health demons, but I’ll do my best to try to help. No one deserves to be alone while having mental health issues.

[kloubek]

Yeah, there are lots of people experiencing this. I'm goin to take a different tact here than solely focus on the pandemic causing issues.

Even without the pandemic, it can be difficult to meet and connect deeply with people as adults. At least, that's what I find. I have made few true friends in my adult years, and remain closest to those I befriended in school - which was was around three decades ago. As a child it was easy to make friends.

 

But now, I have a family - with a son who I love very much and a wife who I would have left long ago if it wasn't for my insistence to keep my vows and provide my son with the most stable upbringing I can. I have also dealt with treatment-resistant depression since a teen, and experience chronic low-level pain in various places as well as a chronic unsettled stomach which the doctors cannot figure out the cause to. This isn't all said to make anyone feel sorry for me - I'm well past needing sympathy - but my point is that with all the stuff I have going on, I'm just not the free spirit and fun loving person which people gravitate towards. Needless to say, I'm pretty damn lonely now too, as Covid has reduced what little social life I had down to almost nothing. And yes, it sucks.

I knew a guy who quite was pretty self-serving and just generally not the most moral guy in the world. Yet, his ability to schmooze and small talk was phenominal. He was funny as hell (sometimes at the expense of others) and oozed confidence. This guy had a TON of friends, always got the beautiful women, and had the choice of being as active socially as he would ever want to be. I am willing to guess that your personality is somewhere on the spectrum between myself, and this guy I am referencing. If you were closer to the latter, you likely wouldn't have made this post.

 

All I can say is this: People gravitate to others that are interesting and funny. People are often drawn to the facade that others represent themselves as. You say you have difficulty meeting people, but pandemic aside, it's actually super easy if you project yourself in a manner others will find positive. This means the courage to strike up conversations with strangers, and like I said, satisfying what they are looking for in order to devote their time to spend with you. And in today's world with Covid not relenting, it means weighing your personal safety (which includes not overreacting to the level of risk) against your loneliness and ultimately, mental health.

So in short: 
1) Are you projecting yourself as the kind of person others would instantly want to get to know, and 

2) Are you placing an artificial emphasis on your physical health, for which you in turn are choosing to ignore your mental health? Is having one or two select friends down there THAT much of a risk that you're willing to allow your mental health to suffer?

 

Answer yes to one or both of the above, and you have your roadmap moving forward to solve your dilemma. 

[bishopshodan]

I read this as 'how do you deal with a lioness'.

 

Tired.

 

I would suggest be brave and get back out there, you are double vaxxed. Get exercise and eat well ( cant stress this enough). Volunteer or join a club. Think positive and be open to chatting to anyone that you may come across. 

 

[JM_]

8 hours ago, Dedalus said:

(Mods, feel free to close or move this thread if we can't have threads like this here.)

 

To make a long story short, I had to move to Los Angeles for work in 2019. Previously, I had been jumping back and forth between Vancouver and LA, never staying long enough to make any real friends in LA, though. Right before the pandemic started, I moved to LA permanently for work. Working from home since the beginning of 2020 has made things worse in terms of my social life. I literally spend most of my time alone. I am fully vaccinated but it still kind of scares me to go out and be social. Even when I was in LA before, all my best friends were in Vancouver so I would constantly fly back to hang out with them, but with the pandemic, that's pretty hard to do now. It's also very difficult to meet people in LA and the pandemic has made it worse.

 

How do you deal with loneliness, especially now that the pandemic has made meeting people harder?

 

have you checked out expat groups like this? https://www.canadiansabroad.com/